What’s common between an arranged marriage proposal and a tiger in the jungle? They both have a way of sneaking in on you!
It is common knowledge that arranged marriages are primarily driven by the parents, uncles, and aunts. They hold the responsibility of making sure prospective matches are lined up when they believe it’s the right time for you to “settle down”.
This results in awkward arranged marriage first meetings. There are numerous anecdotes and stories of how an arranged marriage proposal turns into surreal experiences for the boy or the girl.
Obviously, the best way to tackle an unwanted arranged marriage proposal would be to just say no and get on with your life!
However, how you say no to an arranged marriage proposal depends on the situation and the context.
When you ignore how others perceive your negative response and the context, you will invariably create a bad name for yourself and arranged marriages in general!
One of the reasons arranged marriages have a bad name or people assume it’s outdated is that people say no to arranged marriage proposals for the weirdest reasons!
Here are some real-life incidents – The father-in-law expected to be served tea and poha instead of samosa and sherbet, the girl did not like a birthmark on the prospective groom’s neck and for having graduated with the “wrong” degree. The list is endless and you can read all the gory details here.
But not everyone says no to arranged marriage proposals for the wrong reasons.
Some people reject arranged marriages for the right reasons. Image Credits – Karishma Walia.
Recently a young girl in Bangalore rejected a prospective match because he did not like her pet dog. That’s not all. Her encounter made her realize who will call the shots after marriage. You will find the details here.
Let’s face it, if you receive arranged marriage proposals, you may not like all of them or most of them! That’s the law of nature! We have put together 7 practical ways to say no to an arranged marriage proposal.
1. Tell them you are not ready!
Unsolicited arranged marriage proposals usually come in from distant relatives and from the family-friends network. Women are often pressurized by overzealous family members to get married. Overzealous relatives try every trick in the book to set you up. The seemingly random meeting with an eligible bachelor or his mom then quickly becomes obvious going by the line of questions you may have to field.
It is important not to cave into such pressures and here are some elegant ways you can say no to such arranged marriage proposals.
When you are talking directly to a boy or a girl, consider using these responses.
“I believe I need more time to establish myself in my career. Marriage is certainly not in the cards.” or “I think I am still too young to get married and I have not yet thought about settling down.”
When you are dealing with parents or relatives of a prospective match, you could say something like
“I am flattered that you would consider me worthy of your son / daughter. However, I want to focus on my career / passion now. I hope you will find a suitable match soon.”
While we rake our brains to figure out how to reject a guy in arranged marriage, it is important to set the right expectations with your parents and relatives. Tell them exactly what you think about getting married and don’t try to play the role of an “obedient son or daughter”.
If you are not sure about who you are, your are feeling insecure and don’t know what is important to you, you are not ready for marriage.
2. Saying NO to messages from online matrimony sites
While it may be easy to justify why you said no to an unsolicited arranged marriage proposal, saying no to people who express interest via online matrimony sites should also be handled properly.
Most matrimony sites make it easy to say yes or no when someone expresses interest in your profile. You need to make sure you take the trouble of clicking on a button to let them know if you are not interested. Seems very simple, but you will be surprised to find how many people fail to embrace this basic etiquette.
However, things can get tricky when you initiate a chat, email exchange or an offline conversation with someone you found on a matrimony site only to discover that they may not be a suitable person after all.
If you are chatting and you figure out that this may not a suitable match for you, just say,
“I think we may have to stop chatting now. I did enjoy chatting with you but I don’t think we are a good match. Best wishes for your search.”
In response, if the other party agrees and signs off, you can close the case. If the other person starts arguing or feels offended, you can always log out or you can report the person to the site for abuse. Remember, don’t get drawn into an angry exchange ever.
The best way to decline an arranged marriage proposal in an email would be to write something like this:
“Hi <name>, Thank you for sharing your son / daughter’s marriage biodata. After careful consideration, we have decided that this match may not be suitable for us. Our best wishes to your son / daughter and we hope you will find a suitable match soon.”
You can modify this template if you are directly sending a message to the prospective match.
If you ever moved from expressing interest online all the way to a phone call with the prospective matches or his / her family, you will have to tactfully end the conversation if they are not suitable for you.
The best strategy to pull this off is to move the conversation from the phone call to an email! It’s better to avoid expressing no in a phone call as you may end up feeling guilty or worry too much about hurt feelings. If you are forced to tell no over a phone call, always tell the truth and end the call quickly.
“I don’t think this is going to work for us. Good luck.” is all you need to say.
If they ask for an explanation, you can use these examples.
“I don’t think there is a personality match”, “We have different expectations”, “Horoscope match is important for us and our astrologer doesn’t think there is a match.”
Always remember that if you come across an abusive individual in an online matrimony site, report the abuse immediately. Take screenshots for evidence.
3. Saying no after arranged marriage first meetings
Rejection hurts more when you know the person and his or her family and have had a chance to interact with them. Saying no after arranged marriage meetings should be done with elegance and due consideration for the other party.
If you would like to find out how not to say no to an arranged marriage proposal, you should read these personal incidents. Click here to read the stories.
Here are some guidelines that will help you politely say no to a marriage proposal after the first meeting:
Ask all the right questions during arranged marriage first question. Don’t ask frivolous questions.
Don’t let your parents hijack the conversation. Set the ground rules before the meeting with your parents.
Understand what the red lines are for you.
Don’t communicate your decision at the meeting. Always say, “we will get back to you.”
Make sure you communicate the decision with a follow-up call or email. Don’t leave it to your matchmaker or any other third party to explain.
We put together all the important questions that will tell you how to judge a boy or girl or what to ask a boy or girl in an arranged marriage first meeting. Click here to read this article.
4. How to say no after a one-on-one meeting?
Let’s assume you have had an arranged marriage first meeting and you have now moved on to a one-on-one date with the prospective match. You may meet him or her a couple of times and then decide that this may not be the right person for you.
The key strategy is here is to figure out if the other person is emotionally invested or not. If you have had several meetings and you know each other fairly well, you got to lay him or her down gently. If it was just a meeting and you are still “strangers”, rely on your family to communicate the bad news.
As always, the best strategy would be to switch your conversation channel to chat or email so that you can keep the communication objective and not let it become emotional.
An email could be sent by your parents to end the contact or if you have some personal rapport with the other party, you can send out a polite email.
“I enjoyed meeting you. However, I think we may not be compatible. I hope you will find the right person.” should do the trick.
There is no need to respond to any follow-up questions from the other party after you send the email. Stay silent and they should get the message.
5. How to say no after the engagement?
Most engaged couples go on to get married, but there are chances that you may want to break off after getting engaged.
While this may not be a pleasant experience, cutting off a potentially bad life-long relationship before marriage is a wise decision. In the Indian context, because marriages are associated with family honor, breaking off the engagement means a loss of face for the family.
Parents fear that their son or daughter will be always tainted by the failed engagement and that they may never find any suitable match. In the unlikely event that you are forced to end an engagement because you discovered a nasty truth about your fiance or his / her family, it’s important to do it swiftly and decisively.
If you have discovered malicious intent, you can follow these guidelines.
Break off contact with your fiance and get your parents / close relatives to handle the communication.
Make sure all photographs are deleted. If you have already shared your engagement photos via social networks, make sure you delete them.
If the other party continues to stalk you, delete your social media accounts and change your phone number.
If you have exchanged expensive gifts, it’s better to return them.
If things get nasty (your fiance or family threatens you), do not hesitate to report them to the police for harassment.
If you are both reasonable, having a conversation in person is the best way to communicate your decision. When you talk in person, remember to:
Be respectful and not use derogatory language.
Focus on the big reasons why you think this relationship may not work. Don’t bring up trivial reasons.
Give your fiance the opportunity to ask questions.
Don’t give your fiance any hope of changing your mind. Let it be known that your decision is final.
We put together 9 simple and effective ways to identify red flags in arranged marriages. Read these tips to find out if your prospective match is a fraud!
6. Saying no to forced marriages
Most westerners assume all arranged marriages are forced marriages. While this is not true, forced marriages do happen in India.
In the event, you believe you are being forced into a marriage or know anyone who is in this situation you should act and not watch from the sidelines. You can act by filing a complaint at the police station or reach out to support groups or social service agencies.
Read the story of Rekha Kalindi, an 11-year old girl who fought against her own mother and the society when she took a stance against her forced marriage. This should serve as an inspiration.
For more resources including legal provisions against forced marriages, check out this page from Chayn India.
7. Giving the silent treatment!
Finally, there is one proven approach to say no to an arranged marriage proposal and this is by not responding to the proposal! While staying silent may be considered rude, it is effective in communicating your lack of interest.
Don’t respond to relatives who pressurize you to get married in a social gathering such as a wedding.
If you have persistent suitors (either online or offline) who don’t seem to take your no for an answer.
If you are asked awkward questions in arranged marriage first meeting, staying silent should get your message across.
Silent treatment works well when you believe engaging the other party in a conversation will not end well. When you have the option to say no easily without any emotional attachment, say no and move on.
In summary, saying no to an arranged marriage proposal is your right and you should always have the final say. Choosing the right approach to turn down arranged marriage proposals should help you handle the situation without creating problems for yourself or conveying the wrong impression. Considering the fact that arranged marriages involve your family members as well, being open and honest with them will help avoid situations where you are pressurized into a marriage.
Arranged marriages seem to be in a state of siege in India. At least that’s the impression you will get when you talk to the young generation of urban Indians. Young Indians equate arranged marriages to something that happened to their parents or something that will never happen to them.
The rise of dating apps, the glorification of marriage for love or romance as defined by Bollywood movies, and the general tendency to ape western culture, will make a casual observer think that arranged marriages are on their way to becoming history very soon.
While India moves to a phase where we will continue to see arranged marriages co-existing with marriages for love / casual dating, it would be interesting to look at arranged marriages from a western perspective.
The story of an orthodox Jewish woman in Europe
Via Krista Guenin / Flickr
Western societies prefer love marriages and look at arranged marriages as a social evil. But, there are exceptions.
Rebecca Beck (pen name) is an orthodox Jewish woman who lives in Belgium. She runs a popular blog where she shares her thoughts on parenting and religion in the context of her orthodox Jewish background.
She married someone that her parents found her and, just like her ancestors, she is happy she went down this path.
If you would like to learn more about how Rebecca’s arranged marriage was fixed, you should read her personal story.
You can also check out the BBC documentary that provides a ringside view of how the Hasidic Jews go about arranging marriages.
So why should you care about Rebecca’s arranged marriage story? We have all seen arranged marriages (in India). What can a westerner offer us?
First of all, Rebecca’s arranged marriage story debunks the myth that arranged marriages are “primitive” or that all arranged marriages are “forced marriages”.
Secondly, Indians also have a tendency to downplay the wisdom we have as an ancient culture. Hearing about the virtues of arranged marriages from someone far removed from our traditions and biases helps us appreciate the practice (if done properly).
Jodi Logik interviewed Rebecca and she shared with us some interesting life lessons from her arranged marriage.
Life lessons learned through arranged marriages
We have lined up three key insights Rebecca shared with us based on her personal journey. If your parents consider you to be ready for marriage and you are still wondering how you can say yes to a stranger, you will find Rebecca’s experiences relevant.
#1 – Personal chemistry meets logic
Via Krista Guenin / Flickr
One of the issues with marriages based on love (referred to as “love marriages” in India) is the fact that people rely on fate to meet their soulmate.
Most single men and women have false hopes when it comes to falling in love. A chance meeting at a grocery store or at a friend’s place, a stroke of luck that puts you in front of your future partner and getting swept off your feet are just some of the expectations.
Pick any random Bollywood movie or song and you will not find a single instance where the story or song depicts an arranged marriage!
If you are among the lucky few head over heels in love, you may believe you will effortlessly transition into a happily married life.
The reality is far from this expectation and that’s why divorce rates have been increasing in western countries where arranged marriages are almost non-existent.
In arranged marriages, there is a collective decision-making process where logic and chemistry are taken into consideration.
When Rebecca met her husband for the first time (such arranged marriage first meetings are called the b’show), her goal was to find out if she liked the man who might be her future husband.
We just had a casual chit-chat. We talked about his Yeshivah, I was telling him about my time in the Seminary and we talked about his family and mine. We met to see if we clicked and did not expect to forge a deep connection. So the conversation was light and about nothing in particular.
Rebecca let her parents deal with all the other considerations that go into shortlisting matches. This is very similar to the process we are familiar with in India. The idea behind this approach is that while personal connection or chemistry matters, practical considerations are equally important. In love marriages, practical considerations may go out of the window!
According to Rebecca,
Some parents look for status or money, some for good looks or ancestry. As far as my parents were concerned, the boy had to be compatible with the girl in character and background. The girl will usually have some ideas about what kind of man she wants to marry. My focus was on marrying a kind person.
Arranged marriages are arguably a better option if you believe in the idea of planning your love life. While we have no qualms about planning our careers or education, there seems to be a reluctance in planning who we end up spending our lives with. As long as nobody is forcing you to marry a random guy or girl, arranged marriages can yield better outcomes for all parties.
Click here to read about the 17 advantages of arranged marriages for modern Indians.
#2 – Dealing with the ups and downs in marriages
Via Krista Guenin / Flickr
Marriages are tough. The initial euphoria of passionate love dissipates quickly. Facing life’s challenges on a day to day basis is a real test of your character and that of your spouse.
When couples marry against their family’s wishes, things can go south and you may not have anyone to lean on or seek help from. Since arranged marriages happen because the bride and groom decide collectively with their families, there is a defacto “insurance” that the couple can cash-in when the going gets tough.
Rebecca had to deal with many personal heart breaks after marriage.
First, she had to battle infertility. After a long and emotionally draining treatment, she was blessed with twin boys. Unfortunately, one of her sons died two months after birth. That’s not all. The other child was diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorder. Luckily for Rebecca, her husband stood by her and these traumatic events brought them together.
The journey from being “strangers” to becoming soulmates was tough, but eventually, it worked out well for Rebecca and her husband.
My husband is a truly kind person and would give up everything for me. We complement each other very well. I’m laid back whereas he is uptight. I am a happy-go-lucky character while he is more serious.
The transition (to becoming soulmates) happened slowly. My husband had this feeling early in the marriage while It took me more time to feel the love and connection. Going through infertility definitely helped strengthen our bond.
It’s not self-evident for tragedy to bring a couple closer because many times it has also torn couples apart. I’m so thankful that, for us, tragedies and challenges have only helped us get closer.
In Rebecca’s case, her in-laws and her parents always offered support when required. In Jewish arranged marriages, the families agree to support the couple for a few years after marriage. Some of them gift apartments to their children or offer money to help them start a life as a married couple.
Rebecca’s parents and in-laws pitched in with monetary help when she lived in Israel after marriage. When Rebecca and her husband bought a house in Belgium, her grandmother helped her with the down payment. Even after 19 years of marriage, her mother-in-law doesn’t shy away from offering token cash gifts at every chance she gets!
Wondering how to stay in love for a lifetime? Click here to read what experts have to say!
#3 – Trusting your parents and relying on your personal judgment
Via Krista Guenin / Flickr
Robert Epstein, a Senior Research Psychologist at the American Institute for Behavioral Research and Technology, has studied arranged marriages among orthodox Jewish couples. Surprisingly, his findings support the case for arranged marriages as a better alternative to love marriages! According to Dr. Epstein, arranged marriages are not perfect, but better than love marriages in some aspects.
In the orthodox Jewish community, parents carefully vet the prospective match for compatibility, character, family background, and reputation in the community. This practice may not be very different from dating sites where some form of compatibility (ranging from superficial to elaborate) becomes the starting point for every relationship.
Rebecca believes that there has to be a balance between trusting your parents (to line up the right people for you) and your personal judgment when choosing someone for marriage.
The benefit of arranged marriages is that the boy or the girl can leave the task of finding the first set of prospective matches to the parents and not worry about “finding” someone on their own. You should trust your parents, provided your aspirations for a partner are known to your parents.
Also, don’t be afraid to say no. Sometimes the pressure to get engaged is intense. You should always be sure before saying yes.
When chemistry comes together with compatibility, marriages tend to withstand the test of time. Just like any other married couple, Rebecca has occasional tiffs with her husband. They banter about getting a divorce but it is never said with serious intent even in an argument. She accepts him the way he is and he accepts her as well.
Indians are big believers in finding true love after marriage!
Finding love online is probably that the last thing your parents want you to do. But things have been changing so fast that you will be surprised at the speed with finding love online has taken off in India.
Here are some pointers that tell us why finding love online is a happening trend in India today.
a. The estimated value of the online matrimony market in India by 2017 is projected to be worth $250 Million, according to Associated Chambers of Commerce and Industry in India. Parents are one of the most active and motivated users of matrimony sites!
b. Indians are also finding love online through dating sites. Dating is all set for a boom and the proof of this happening is the mushrooming dating sites and apps that range from matchmaking services to Tinder clones.
c. Let’s not forget that social media tools like Twitter, Quora, and Facebook has also helped Indians find love online. However, these connections don’t happen deliberately and are no different from you falling in love with a handsome, young man you bumped into at a mall!
That’s not all, Indians have not yet developed the social skills needed to find their soulmate on their own nor is it still acceptable to have casual conversations in public places or meet women in bars!
Dating sites, matrimony sites are capitalizing on this opportunity by making the process less intimidating and private to some extent.
Finding love through online matrimony sites
When you reach the “marriageable age”, the first thing your parents do is to create a biodata for marriage. They will share this document through traditional snail mail or through email. The idea here is to find people within your parent’s social network. Invariably this process is a hit or miss. Most likely, they will enroll in an online matrimony site.
There are plenty of choices available for you when it comes to choosing the right matrimony site. Here are a few simple questions you need to ask yourself to identify the site that best suits your requirements.
Answer the following questions and you will probably have a shortlist of sites that may work for you.
Answer these questions before you shortlist a matrimony site.
1. Would you prefer to interact with parents or with potential matches directly?
Most popular matrimony sites (Shaadi, Jeevansathi, Bharat Matrimony) have a large number of profiles created by parents. They do have profiles created and managed by prospective matches but you won’t find too many of them. If you want to directly interact with potential matches, you should look at the countless other sites that have sprung up in the recent past.
2. Are you very specific about marrying within your religion / caste / sub-caste?
Once again, the big three sites excel in helping you search within your community. You will also find regional / local sites that cater to specific communities (Example: Sai Sankara Matrimony in Chennai caters to the local Brahmin community).
3. Do you consider yourself “elite / high-net-worth individual”?
If you have a high-paying job or running a big business or you come from elite schools, you will find it difficult to meet someone who will meet your “standards” through traditional matrimony sites. You are better off taking the dating route or hire a matchmaker who specializes in providing services to rich / high-flying people.
4. Are you open to arranged dating before marriage?
Matrimony sites may not be the right option for you if you would like to date the person you shortlist before committing to marriage. You may have to look at other matchmaking options. Read on to find out.
Here is a list of online matrimony sites in India along with pricing information and customer reviews. Click here to read this in-depth article.
Finding love through online matrimony sites starts with finding a compatible person who meets all your basic expectations. You need to then really do that hard work before and after marriage if you have any hopes of converting finding true love.
Here is how online matrimony sites work.
1. Sign up to create your profile free of cost.
2. Complete your profile and upload a photograph.
3. Use the search feature to start searching for matching profiles.
Matrimony sites have mind-numbing search options!
4. Express Interest or send a message.
5. You will also receive notifications when other parents are interested.
6. Remember to also check out self-created profiles. You may be lucky to directly interact with a boy or girl. Don’t have your hopes high on this front.
Most profiles in matrimony sites are created by parents
Beware of these matrimony site pitfalls
There are several challenges you will face when you use matrimony sites.
First of all, you will be sold to at every turn to upgrade.
Matrimony sites want you to always upgrade to a premium service!
Sign up for the upgraded version only after checking out the free version.
Beware of con artists and charlatans using matrimony sites as their playground. Here is an extract from a recent news!
Con artists use matrimony sites to lure victims.
Finding love through dating sites in India
Young, tech-savvy men and women of India have easy access to smartphones, laptops, and other such easy-to-carry gadgets and they are always ‘connected’ and looking to try new things through trendy apps. Dating sites in India are capitalizing on this trend as young Indians in urban centers are hoping to find love online.
Here are three reasons that explain the phenomenal growth of dating sites in India.
1.Exposure to theculture of finding love before marriage: Westernization and greater exposure to the idea of not depending only on a chance meeting to fall in love have led to the growth of dating sites in India.
2. Increase in connectivity: The big jump in the smartphone usage (650 million in the next four years) along with mobile internet connections (354 million as of June 2015) has provided young Indians an opportunity to discretely find love away from the gaze of the families and with privacy.
3. International dating companies have opened shop: The entry of international dating apps like Tinder and the likelihood of other apps like Zoosk, OKCupid, Hinge, POF, and eHarmony entering the Indian market in the near future will see more marketing campaigns that will get more Indians to try the idea of finding love online.
There are plenty of local online dating apps and websites.
You can take a pick from many Indianised dating apps if you want to try your luck in finding love online. Truly Madly, Woo, Cogxio, Vee, are some of the dating applications in India.
Here is how most of them work.
1. Sign up.
2. Complete your profile.
3. Like people and wait for them to like back before getting connected.
Here is how Tinder works.
Dating sites make it easy for Indians to find love online.
Indian counterparts of Tinder have a more elaborate process to sign up and some of them place emphasis on validating profiles or use sophisticated matchmaking algorithms.
In addition to online dating, Indians in cities are finding love using dating / matchmaking services that provide a combination of online and offline services.
Sites like UrbanTryst (which seems to have gone out of business), Floh, and Aisle provide an opportunity to create your profile and declare your expectations. They then match you with prospective dates in a casual setting or a group date. These are organized by the service provider around fun activities with the hope that cupid will strike at least some of their members.
Here is how UrbanTryst explains the process.
Hybrid matchmaking service providers have an elaborate process.
Online dating – Gateway to nightmares?
All said and done, online dating in India (and elsewhere) is fraught with major issues. Here are some you should keep an eye out for.
1. Do you really know who you might be meeting? Manipulation of personal data on online dating platforms is one of the biggest concerns for women. There is no guarantee that a man with whom a woman is interacting has shared genuine information pertaining to his identity.
2. Beware of stalkers and ‘players’. Stalkers, spammers, and verbal abuses abound on dating sites. Real life stalking is also a possibility and many women have had to face unsavory incidents of stalkers turning up on their doorstep.
3. You can always sign up but you can never leave! After having explored the world of online dating for a while, if a woman wishes to exit, she may find that parting ways is pretty difficult. The removal of her account from the dating website doesn’t guarantee that her profile will be disabled.
4. No means yes? Men in India still have problems taking rejection in their stride. There are countless cases of acid attacks, kidnappings, and other forms of harassment that goes beyond stalking. Bollywood also has driven home the point that if you try hard, every woman that says “no” will end up saying “yes”!
According to a research conducted by a marketing firm, Indians use Facebook, Shaadi.com.and Twitter to find love online.
The study also reported that 35% of Indians surveyed in a study reported that they found love online.
Surveys apart, there are some real life stories of how social media brough people together. Here is an example of how Twitter brought together these love birds who eventually got married!
Real life story of a girl finding love through Twitter!
Facebook and Twitter are not the only fish when it comes to finding love online. Ever heard of Quora, a Q&A site? Finding love on Quora seems to be ridiculous, but Indians (who are one of the most active users of Quora) seem to have fallen in love with other Quora members!
Here is a story of a girl who found her husband on Quora.
A real life story of a girl who found her husband through Quora.
Last, but not the least, Facebook has always resulted in connections that move beyond just being friends. Some of these love matches cut across international boundaries! Click here to read one such story of a woman from Orissa who married a Pakistani man, thanks to Facebook!
We scanned partner expectations in two leading matrimony sites and realized that the format in which information is gathered from members of these sites are similar. Instead of focusing on the qualities of a good life partner, the focus was on making sure they eliminate everyone who will not meet expectations. Here is a screen shot of “About my partner expectations” section for your reference.
Instead of focusing on the qualities of a good life partner, the focus was on making sure they eliminate everyone who will not meet expectations. Here is a screen shot of “About my partner expectations” section for your reference.
While all the parameters listed above are important, they really don’t define the personality of the man or their personal goals or attitude towards married life.
So what’s the outcome of such skewed partner expectations? You will end up shortlisting a bunch of men through matrimony sites and end up wasting your time meeting them.
Why is that?
Only when you meet “prospective matches” you will discover that their lifestyle and priorities in life are completely misaligned or unpleasant facts will surface leaving you frustrated!
Read about the three sins of writing partner description for marriage! Click here to read more.
7 Partner expectation samples written the right way!
We have created seven partner expectations samples for women to help visualize the ideal man that look forward to marrying. We made realistic assumptions and you will certainly find sample partner preferences you can use as it is or get inspiration to create your awesome biodata for marriage.
1. Software engineer looking for a working professional
I am looking for a tall, handsome, Sikh professional based out of Mumbai. He should have a fulfilling career and should be able to support my career as a software engineer.
I travel occasionally and I am hoping to find someone who will be available to spend time with me. I am a social drinker and I am OK with marrying a social drinker. However, smoking is a strict no-no.
I don’t intend to stay with the in-laws and prefer an independent life. I have a modern outlook towards life but I believe in traditional values such as respect for parents and helping others in need. I am willing to change my opinions if you can convince me and you should be open-minded about your opinions as well.
2. Musician looking for a man with an artistic background
I am looking for a man who appreciates art and preferably has a keen interest in any art form. Anyone above 5′ 5″ in height with a pleasing personality and cheerful outlook towards life will certainly meet my expectations. Caste / sub-sect and horoscope match are important for me and my family.
I belong to a family of musicians and my future husband should not stand out like a sore thumb! A keen appreciation and understanding of the pulls and pressures in the life of a professional musician are required. I end up traveling a lot during November, December, and January of every year to perform at various classical music festivals across South India and hence the person I am marrying should be willing to support me in my musical endeavors.
3. Divorced woman who is looking to remarry
I am a divorced woman with no kids looking to take the plunge the second time! I had a brief marriage that lasted 10-months and broke up because we were completely incompatible.
Religion or caste does not matter to me. However, I am looking for someone who respects women, not too egotistical, and an ability to empathize with others. Having a great sense of humor and not taking yourself too seriously will be a definite plus.
I expect the person I marry to be a non-smoker. Social drinking is acceptable. Career oriented yet having a sense of responsibility towards family are traits that I appreciate a lot in the person I plan to marry.
4. Hearing-impaired woman looking to get married
I am a hearing-impaired woman and looking for a life partner who understands my disability but does not discriminate based on my impairment. I can speak orally and can hear well with the help of hearing aids and hence my future husband need not learn sign language.
My disability has not come in the way of my zest for life and my passion for travel. Hence, someone who likes visiting new places will be a bonus.
I expect my partner’s family to accept me the way, I am. I am also open to marrying a hearing-impaired person or any other disability.Although my family has been of great support in helping me grow up into a confident person, I believe in leading an independent life. Someone who can look at disability as a matter of fact and not treat it as a curse will be a good match.
I like to keep myself physically fit and hit the gym regularly. If you believe working out, leading a healthy lifestyle, and embracing a positive outlook towards life, we can certainly talk further!
Looking for family description samples for your marriage biodata? Here are 7 examples to get you started. Click here to read them.
5. An independent woman who loves to travel
I am looking for a smart, tall, well-off working professional who is based in Bangalore. I am a Hindu and don’t believe in caste and I am looking for to marry someone from the same religion who is a vegetarian, non-smoker and teetotaller.
I am looking for a man with a pleasing personality that can keep up with my impromptu getaways. You should be willing to also put up with my dog and be open to adopting more of the four-legged kind once we settle down.
I am close to my parents, but they lead an independent life. I am a people’s person and expect my future husband to also embrace my family and friends as his own.
If you are a Nobel Prize winner, please don’t respond. You probably spend all your time chasing after your passion. Believe in work-life balance? I do too! If you have nodded your head in agreement all along, do send me a message.
6. Young working woman in the US looking to settle down in the US
Looking for someone who is at least 5’8″, English / Hindi speaking, Hindu Indian working in the San Francisco Bay Area and is also a citizen / permanent resident. Caste is not an issue.
Having grown up in the US since I was 2 years old, I seldom speak my mother tongue and speak English with an American accent. However, I am still an Indian by heart and expect my partner to appreciate Indian traditions and culture. I am not very outgoing by nature but do have a handful of great friends.
I love to eat and watch a lot of cooking shows on television and hence looking for someone who shares my passion for food. I do not expect my partner to be a master chef, but it would be great if he understands the basic fundamentals of cooking. I am a vegetarian (not a vegan, btw) and would prefer a vegetarian for a partner, to make things simpler.
7. An MBBS student looking to marry a professional
I am looking for a tall, handsome professional, preferably a Doctor, based out of Chennai. I am in my final year MBBS and intend to pursue my specialization in Oncology. I am a Christian and looking to marry a Christian of any sect. I am god fearing, but consider religion to be a very personal choice.
My career is important and I expect to marry someone who will support my passion for being a medical professional. I grew up in a joint family and open to moving into a joint family (if required) is not an issue for me. When I am not studying, I am a member of the local choir. Someone who has a zest for life and a multi-dimensional personality will be preferred. Smoking and drinking is not OK.
These days, the idea of a Long-distance marriage seems to be quite common in India.
However, you will be hard pressed to find your grandparents or ancestors even imagine the idea of living separately after marriage. In the past, Indians were content living either in their place of birth of moving to the nearest town or city to make a livelihood.
In the last several decades, we have seen a huge migration of Indians not only to foreign lands but also to different parts of the country. With such large-scale migration happening, many couples are forced to embrace the idea of a long-distance marriage.
Long-distance marriage in the land of arranged marriages?
It seems strange that in a land where parents make sure you marry someone who is of “acceptable” height, weight, skin color, and family background will willingly agree to a long-distance marriage!
There are plenty of reasons why Indians seem to get into a long-distance marriage irrespective of whether they went through a love marriage or arranged marriage.
1. Economic Reasons: One of the largest contributors to the trend of arranged long-distance marriages is the economic condition of the woman’s family. They end up marrying a blue collar worker who earns a living in the middle-east or in a different corner of India.
We find that women who are married to men working as laborers in the middle-east lead a lonely life in India as their husbands don’t make enough money to allow them to bring their family to the country where they work.
Men who migrate from states like Bihar also face a similar situation as they end up leaving their families behind.
2. Career-Driven Couples: Some arranged marriages end up turning into long-distance marriages when the couple have lucrative careers that keep them away from home for extended periods of time.
We are now seeing couples embracing a long-distance relationship as international job opportunities are available for highly educated Indians.
The popularity of IT industry has contributed to the husband or the wife traveling to customer locations for extended periods of time resulting in long distance marriages.
3. Lack of Social Network: Some NRI couples choose to embrace a long-distance marriage if the wife doesn’t want to continue living in a different country that offers little or no social network.
In some cases, married couples embrace a long-distance marriage for the sake of better education for their children.
Lonely nights for India’s women left behind…
Via Adam Cohn / Flickr
A recent article published by Reuters focuses on the plight of women left behind in India as their husbands try to make ends meet by working as contract laborers in the Gulf. Here are some excerpts from the story that highlights the problems women face in long-distance marriages.
Bhagyam sits with a faded wedding album and talks about how much she misses her husband, who works as a welder in the Gulf.
Unaware of the recent problem of Indian migrant workers stranded in Saudi Arabia with no wages or food, she said the couple has a home loan to pay off, and she has to assume her husband is fine.
“They went in a group so they must be safe,” the 36-year-old mother of two said slowly. “Even if things are bad there, he won’t tell me. He’ll just say everything is okay and give me details of the money transfer every month.”
Like Bhagyam, in every other house in the fishing hamlet of Sadraskuppam near Kalpakkam town in Tamil Nadu, a wife waits anxiously for a call from the Gulf.
There are more than 100 “women left behind”, as they are known here, living lonely lives in the small hamlet, among an estimated 1 million such wives in Tamil Nadu.
They are often depressed and always worried, found a February 2016 survey commissioned by the state government.
Nearly 70 percent of the women reported feeling anxiety, fear, and loneliness.
Sixty percent considered the additional responsibilities they must bear in the absence of their husbands – such as caring for elderly parents or sorting out financial matters – a big drawback of the migration.
The survey, which covered 20,000 households across 32 districts in the state, flagged health and children’s education as the other main causes of concern.
Men have been migrating to work from Kalpakkam for years. The nuclear power industry operating in this coastal town does not give them jobs, neither do local builders, who prefer the cheaper migrant workforce from northern Indian states.
“We know that life is not always comfortable in the Gulf but we keep going back because we have no choice,” said S. Prabhu, a returnee migrant already looking for another job abroad.
V. Kalaivani, 32, doesn’t follow the news and knows nothing about the crisis hitting Indian workers in the Gulf.
“Over the many years my husband has travelled to Qatar and Saudi to work, I’ve got used to the idea,” said the housewife with two daughters. “I guess we have been lucky so far.”
Bhagyam and Kalaivani don’t remember the names of the companies their husbands work for. They don’t know who interviewed them or how they got to their destination. A copy of their husband’s passport is somewhere in a cupboard, they think.
That is the biggest challenge, said J. Jeyanthi, coordinator of the non-profit Arunodaya Migrant Resource Centre.
“The women are clueless and that often causes anxiety. The families need the money but the women pay a heavy price because they are alone, restricted by unwritten norms which include avoiding social gatherings like weddings.”
Even a small issue like who will drop the children at school if they miss the bus turns into a big deal when husbands are away, Kalaivani told the Thomson Reuters Foundation.
“Most of us have parents and in-laws living a few houses away but it’s not the same,” she said.
Many women say they do not sleep well at night.
“We wait for our husbands to call,” said Bhagyam. The phone usually rings way past midnight, when the men have finished their overtime. “In the day we are busy with housework. But at night, the loneliness is unbearable,” she said.
Three advantages of long-distance marriages!
We are a thinking, feeling species, marriages for us are not just about propagating the species. It is also about companionship, support, and sharing the burden. Given the realities of job market these days and the dogged pursuit of fulfilling careers, long-distance marriage has become inevitable.
From Quora to Times of India to Psychology Today everyone is talking about how to make it work. After all, distance doesn’t matter when the connection is strong. Let us make finding the silver lining an imperative.
1. Long-distance marriage gives you the best of both the worlds
Even the most liberated and single by choice amongst the young feel a little frisson of worry when they see their closest friends pairing off. Married and living apart removes that undertone of anxiety, especially for the liberated yet preferring marriage amongst the young. Yet, you get to do everything you prized in your single days. Hanging out with your closest friends’ day and night, pursuing social causes, working on environment projects, etc.
There is always some angularity in every couple, he likes a neat house, she has a laissez-faire attitude to housework, she doesn’t like heavy breakfast, he believes it is the most important and heaviest meal of the day, she wants IPL, he wants Game of Thrones.
Coupledom slowly devolves into a series of compromises. Well, when you live alone, you can do what you want, when you want. don’t have to compromise at all! The short time you do finally see each other, it will be a pleasure to do what the other person likes.
2. Absence makes the heart grow fonder
Living apart uplifts the daily call, the facebook shares, the WhatsApp messages into the plane of exquisite romance. However busy you are, the ping of WhatsApp will make you peek quickly at what your loved one has to share.
If you are living together you might think impatiently, why can’t she wait until I am home, doesn’t she realize how critical this task is? Loving apart erases the mundane from your love life.
You will not be caught up in the flurry of daily activities of cooking, cleaning packing, working, quickly sharing daily highlights, cooking, cleaning sleeping. You will have more time for quiet reflection. This is the time you will think of all the good things you partner has to offer with a bittersweet yearning.
3. Interesting, capable, individuals and a fabulous couple
A common problem, especially with women is the handing off of minor electrical repairs around their house to the spouses.
I used to do all the heavy lifting for my garden, manure procuring, choosing seasonal plants all by myself when I was single. Now, I water sometimes, control pests, weed and collect the harvest. That is it. I doubt if my body remembers what it feels like to haul 50 kg soil up two flight of stairs.
When you are single for all practical purposes the onus of handling everyday burdens, car break down, kitchen flooding, mild sickness, immediate family issues falls on each of you individually. Dealing singlehandedly with the day-to-day crisis is bound to make you stronger both in the domestic domain and in the outside world.
Dealing with a crisis on the in-law side, single-handedly will certainly earn you brownie points from both spouse and the in-laws. A case in point would be a woman dealing with her father-in-law’s stroke while her hubby was abroad.
I think every partnership has the extrovert and the introvert, the diplomatic one and the firebrand.
The introvert gets even more introverted because they can expect their significant other to pick up the ball in every social setting. The firebrand can always expect the diplomatic better-half to soothe hurt feelings.
Living separately forces you out of such complacency, you are responsible for your own socializing and for hurting or soothing anyone in your circles. Life skills learnt this way will make you a stronger, well-rounded person.
You might be slowly developing the idea that long-distance marriage sounds better than what you have at the moment. Let me caution you.
Let me caution you.
Long distance marriage is more thorns than roses
Via Rajarshi Mitra / Flickr
In theory, love can overcome anything, but in practice, it is frequently all about simply showing up.
As Jene Bennet says, a crucial benefit of being in a relationship is having someone who will hold you when you cry, provide you with a hot cup tea of tea when you have a cold, a compliment when you are all dressed up for an important meeting. If you cannot have these things and especially if you live alone, you start questioning the very benefits of being in a relationship.
1. Doubts can creep in
You may know each other at a deeper level, but you don’t know the details of each other’s days and nights. When you are coping with 18 straight hours of work, you may start wondering if your other half is painting the town red with friends. The thought will colour your online dealings with your other half, setting up a little friction. You might decide it is churlish to bring it up when you talk, but the effort the decision entails draws a veil between the two of you. If you were together you would scream, yell and then hug and apologize.
2. Lack of physical intimacy
One benefit of marriage is the assured physical relationship with your spouse. It generates a feeling of well-being and emotional closeness even if you are not the talk-about-feelings sort of person. Long distance marriage removes this completely from the equation. Some may seek the closeness elsewhere. The chances of a relationship recovering from such a breach of faith is very low.
3. Missing out on your spouse’s emotional journey
People grow every day. The person you are today is certainly not the one you were yesterday. If you live apart, especially in different nations, your growth trajectory could diverge considerably. My cousin used to chant the Hanuman Chalisa to ensure he got his student visa. Now, 3 years in the US, he is agnostic.
Luckily his wife is with him and the change was gradual and acceptable. My aunt (his mother) is a little shocked. If the wife had been here and had been the religious kind, it would have been very hard for them to accept this chasm in matters of faith.
4. Unexpected perils of long-distance arranged marriages
Now that you are forewarned, should you even say yes to someone in an arranged marriage when the prospects of it being a long distance marriage are rather high? That is very interesting question and the short and sweet answer to that is “it depends”.
One end of the spectrum is, the groom or bride is working in the US and the future spouse is either working here or just about finishing education, like Amanda. A temporary long distance marriage, with the bride or groom returning immediately and then arranging for a suitable visa for the spouse to join is the norm. This could be a lovely time in an arranged marriage. You get to date with parental consent, you dream of life in the new country with a new spouse unencumbered by obligations of getting to know long line if relatives at both ends.
People queuing up for a US visa. Via R Raju / The Hindu.
But the time apart could also be fraught with insecurity. Your spouse has an established life in a foreign land and you are breaking off every known contact and joining them on their turf. You may be upset over small things during your online conversations, but you cannot read each other’s expressions and you are also not comfortable voicing your grievances.
There is also the added anxiety of not knowing if and when your visa will get through. This problem will recur periodically, he having a valid visa and you not having one or vice versa until either you get a permanent residency or return home.
Indians are better equipped to deal with a long-distance marriage
There are multiple reasons for ending up in a long-distance marriage. You may consciously decide to marry someone who is in the shipping industry or a transferable job, or will be travelling so much on business that it feels like a long distance marriage!
However, the emphasis on collective, as opposed to individualistic attitude towards life, provides a cushion for Indians getting into a long distance relationship.
In summary, there are challenges in a long-distance arranged marriages. You will have to look deep within yourself to understand what are your must-haves in a marriage. If you are willing to take up the challenge and you are a fairly strong person, go for it. Even if you aren’t it is quite possible that at some point, some opportunity might enforce separation in your marriage. So take the time.
Take the time every day to examine where you are, how you feel about yourself, your spouse and your relationship. If at any time you feel alienated, it is time to be strong. Be strong enough to admit this is not working and sacrifice the benefits your long distance marriage is giving you and just get together.
As someone said, “Distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. It’s for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. It’s for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don’t see it nearly enough…”
One of the difficulties of creating a marriage biodata is to create something meaningful to express your partner preferences when writing the partner description for marriage.
Most often than not, we come up with a partner description for marriage based on what we have seen in other matrimony profiles or newspaper advertisements and end up committing the 3 sins of writing about your partner description for marriage.
1. The First Sin – Not calling out the non-negotiable
When we think of getting married, we automatically define terms of personal characteristics and background that will fall under the “no go” category. For example, most Indian men may never accept a woman who smokes or is a social drinker (is there a better example for double standards?).
You are setting yourself up for disappointment if you choose to ignore these non-negotiables in your matrimony profile. Why take the risk of talking to or meeting prospective matches and their families only to discover basic incompatibility?
Stating what your deal-breakers are in your biodata for marriage, will (hopefully) discourage prospective matches who don’t meet your requirements from responding to you. This will save you time and heartache down the line.
Also, deal-breakers need not always include preferences around habits such as drinking or smoking, certain professions, or religion/caste. Don’t shy away from listing other aspects such as love for pets, your own career, and other lifestyle parameters that you consider as critical.
In short, be candid and forthright.
2. The Second Sin – Sounding out of touch with changing times
One of the biggest mistakes you may end up making when expressing expectations or talking about your partner preference is using clichéd phrases.
Avoid phrases such as “Looking for a well-settled girl” (as opposed to unstable ones?), “Girl must be from a God-fearing family” (looks like you are looking for a bunch of sinners in perpetual fear of God), “Looking for a like-minded girl…” (Thank God, you are not looking for a mismatched wife).
The idea here is to make you belong to the 21st century.
3. The Third Sin – Treating your partner preference like a shopping trip
While it is important to call out the non-negotiable, nobody likes a biodata for marriage that is filled with don’ts and dislikes!
Of specific importance is the need to avoid listing out expectations that would make you look like a pampered boy, living in a bubble.
Here are some phrases to avoid: “Should wear traditional clothes only. No jeans or lipstick.”, “…should be willing to handle grocery shopping and household chores.”
Click here to read seven awesome partner preference samples for men!
When we scan matrimony profile descriptions and partner preference for marriage in matrimony sites, a majority of the partner descriptions miss out on the primary traits!
Let’s understand what these traits are and how to include them in when writing partner description for marriage.
Your partner should show and demonstrate affection to you after marriage. When you are writing your partner description for marriage, do use phrases like “looking for an affectionate man/ woman“. However, please remember to look for signs of affection that your partner demonstrates with his family during the arranged marriage first meeting or subsequent interactions.
An ability to show compassion or empathise with others is also a basic requirement you should have in your marriage partner search. Do include phrases such as “looking for a compassionate young man…” in your profile description or biodata for marriage. However, remember to watch for signs that demonstrate compassion when you meet a prospective match.
A respectful partner will always admire your strengths and is gracious about your weakness. In India, respect is often associated with our behaviour to elders. While respecting elders is a good quality, please remember that you have the right to expect your prospective match to treat you with respect as well. “Someone who will treat me with respect and appreciates my boundaries” is a great way to express your desire to be treated with respect.
“An ability to see other’s point of view before acting or coming to a conclusion” is a key requirement for any successful relationship. Why not make it one of the primary expectations when you write your partner description for marriage?
Work-life balance is a key factor that will determine if a relationship will be successful. When you write your profile description for marriage, remember to call out your preference for marrying someone who also appreciates the work-life balance. “I believe in work-life balance and I am looking for someone who is not always wedded to work.” is an example of how you can call out your expectation.
Click here to review realistic family description samples for matrimony profile.
Common interests always create an opportunity for bonding and sustaining a relationship for the long term. If you are into classical music, call it out in your profile and make sure your future husband or wife appreciates your interests. Don’t write about hobbies for the sake of including them in your marriage biodata.
Intimacy is not sex and it is certainly not appropriate to create a matrimony profile that says “he/ she should be good in bed!” Intimacy is about sharing your deepest fears, likes, dislikes and any other personal thought with your partner. Our recommendation is to leave this out in your matrimony profile description and instead find out if your potential match can lower his / her guard when you meet them for one-on-one conversations before marriage.
Generosity in a relationship doesn’t denote material gifts. It denotes that your partner is completely committed to the relationship and meets all the above 7 expectations you may have! Once again, it’s OK not to call “generosity” out and keep your eyes open for all the above expectations.
Read this next
We created awesome sample matrimony profile descriptions. Click below to review the samples.
Who said only Indian men are clueless when it comes to grooming? Grooming tips for women are just as valuable to the fairer sex in India!
Forget the fashion-forward, style conscious, and upper-class women who know the moisturising routine and carry a loyalty card with the local manicure / pedicure spa or beauty parlour in a chic corner of a tony neighbourhood.
We are talking about grooming tips for women from a middle-class background who duke it out every day in the local trains, buses and two-wheelers to go to work and have hardly any time for themselves for most of the week.
That’s not all, some women go out of the way to make themselves unattractive just to make sure they are not harassed by men in the street! Here is what Vinati Sigh had to say about it on Quora.
Women sometimes go out of the way to make themselves unattractive!
All said and done, a big chunk of the population of women in India for reasons such as lack of time, money or awareness fall short in matters of grooming.
If you are a woman who is of a “marriageable” age and know you are destined to go through an arranged marriage first meeting or “date”, committing these grooming mistakes can ruin your chances of finding a match.
Common grooming mistakes made by women in India
Not taking care of facial hair, especially those on the upper lip.
Wearing ill-fitting clothes that probably belong to someone else.
Wearing mismatched accessories.
Men are visual creatures and end up deciding if someone is attractive just based on looks. So if you don’t take the effort to present yourself properly, you are shooting yourself in the foot when it comes to arranged marriage first meetings.
8 Essential grooming tips for women for arranged marriage first meetings
We lined up 8 essential grooming tips for women to help you highlight your personality better and improve your chances of meeting your soulmate. These tips are designed to be applicable without requiring a trip to an expensive salon or requiring any experience in applying makeup products. The idea of lining up these tips is to help you enhance your natural beauty and make sure your sloppiness doesn’t come in the way of finding Prince Charming.
1. Removing facial hair
There are many effective home remedies for removing facial hair easily without using any harmful chemicals or fancy instruments. Some of these home remedies include preparations that require items such as coconut oil, lemon juice, wheat flour, water, and honey to name a few.
Check out this video that gives you a demo of how to remove “peach fuzz” (which is the thin, light colored hair that grows on the sides of the face and on the forehead).
2. Removing hair on the upper lip
Indian women have been using natural ingredients such as turmeric to not only remove unwanted facial hair but also to exfoliate the skin and protect the skin from infection and the harsh sun. In this video, you can do away with the hair on the upper lip using talcum powder, rose water and a thread!
3. Haircare for Indian women
The Indian tropical sun along with high pollution levels in our towns and cities cause major problems for women when it comes to maintaining the hair. The result is bad, frizzy hair that seems to have a mind of its own! So here are some of the ingredients you will need – coconut oil, natural shampoo, comb, scissors, bananas, milk, and curd / yogurt to get your hair back in shape.
4. Dealing with underarm sweating
Among all the grooming tips for women, the remedy for underarm sweating probably has the most relevance for men and women in India.
Excessive sweating in the underarm area can be embarrassing. When you have to meet a prospective groom, you want them to look at your face and not at the wet rings adding its own design pattern to your shirt, salwar or blouse!
Here are some easy ways to solve this problem. Look for a natural antiperspirant, avoid eating spicy food, make sure you are not emotionally excited before you meet anyone important, and wear loosely woven clothes such as those made of linen, cotton or silk. Check out this informative video for more details.
5. Tackling bad breath
The biggest buzz kill in an arranged marriage first meeting could be your bad breath! While it’s OK to brush your teeth or use mouthwash before meeting a prospective groom, you might have to tackle the issue on a more consistent basis if you suffer from chronic bad breath. Natural remedies include the use of clove, cinnamon, mint and cardamom. Of course, don’t forget to brush twice a day, and keep your tongue and gums clean.
6. Taking care of body odor
When you meet someone with a body odor, you most probably end up disliking them! While this may sound cruel, just notice what your brains tells you when you meet someone with a bad odor. Fear not, you don’t actually need fancy shampoos and deodorants. Here is a simple remedy -Just make a paste of sandalwood and orange peels and use it instead of soap.
7. How to put together a smart wardrobe
Let’s face it. Clothes make the man and indeed a woman! You are as good as the clothes you wear and books are indeed judged by their cover! According to a research study, people indeed feel and act differently depending on the types of clothes they wear! Here is an interesting video that will give you practical tips to help you build a wardrobe for traditional Indian clothes that you may choose to wear on occasions such as arranged marriage first meetings.
8. Choosing the right footwear
If you are someone that wears the same footwear for every occasion, you should check out the video below. Shoes and outfits go together. Picking the right outfit for the occasion and a matching pair of footwear really creates a great impression. So stop skimping on footwear.
We hope our grooming tips for women will help you present yourself properly when you meet a prospective match or his family. Remember, you don’t need fancy lotions and potions from high-end boutiques to look good. Simple home remedies and spending time in properly grooming yourself can certainly get your mojo back and that’s always good for you.
Featured Image Credit: Monkey Business Images / Shutterstock
Family description for matrimony profile – Why it is important?
When it comes to arranged marriages in India, family description probably takes the center stage in your marriage biodata or matrimony profile. There are many reasons for this:
1. The family takes the center stage in arranged marriages and so does the family description in your marriage biodata. Someone said, “In arranged marriages, two people meet and their families live happily ever after!”
2. The family description provides the necessary information needed by the other party to determine of they are of the same or higher social standing and economic background. In fact, one of the objectives parents have is to make sure their son or daughter move up the social ladder through an arranged marriage.
3. The family description is where all the cards are laid out on the table (mostly). For example, any intercaste marriages in the family, divorce, or any other “family issue” that warrants a mention finds a place.
According to Robert Epstein, a psychologist at the American Institute of Behavior research and Technology, a key to the success of the arranged marriage is the amount of parental involvement at the start of the process. There is nothing else that signifies parental involvement more than the family description in your matrimony profile and how comprehensive it is.
Somebody said, “My wifi was down and I had to speak to my family for 5 minutes. They seem like nice people!
7 Realistic Family Description Samples For Your Matrimony Profile
We lined up 7 family description samples for matrimony profile to help you craft a compelling about my family description in your marriage biodata.
1. Girl with working parents and no siblings
Our family is godfearing and we believe that a sincere work ethic is required to be successful in anything you do.
Being the only child in the family, I have wonderful memories of my childhood in the company of my parents. They did pamper me but made sure I had all the tools I need to grow into a confident woman who can face anything that life can offer.
My father grew up in Chamyari near Amritsar and my mother is from Kamirpur, a nearby village. My grandparents made sure my parents got a decent education and after marriage, my parents moved to Delhi where my father set up a wheat distribution business. My mother is also actively involved in running our business in addition to taking care of our home. Our grandparents are no more, but we do have our extended family managing the family farms in Punjab.
Why we love this? Notice how this family description sample also highlights the impact parents had on the woman’s personality and growth.
2. Boy whose parents are no more and has a married sister
My family is from Bangalore and we have been Bangaloreans for over 70 years now!
My father ran an auto component manufacturing business (VR Brakes) in Hosur and my mother was a Principal at the Holy Angels School for Girls in Koramangala. My parents died in a plane crash when I was 5 years old and my sister was just four years elder to me when we lost our parents.
My sister played a key role in raising me and made sure she filled the void left behind by my parents. She is an accomplished Odissi dancer and is married to a Bank executive in Bangalore.
My grandparents (from my mother’s side) also played a key role in making sure we got the best education and inculcated values they hold dear, namely, honesty, respect for others no matter what their religion or caste is, and pride in your culture and family background. Our family has a modern outlook towards life and our grandparent’s family were among the first to own a car in India!
Why we love this? While the man lost his parents in a tragedy, he highlights the positive role played by his sister and his grandparents and demonstrates how resilient his family is.
3. Girl who lives with her retired parents
I hail from a family of four members and we are from Dharasuram, a small town near Kumbakonam, but currently reside in Chennai.
My father is a school principal (SBOA Matriculation School) and my mother is a bank teller (Canara Bank). They are both retired now and I currently live with them.
I have an elder brother who is doing his masters degree in Computer Science in the United States.
We are not an orthodox family but believes in respect for all religions and sects. My father is an Iyer and my mother is an Iyengar. We do not follow elaborate rituals but do celebrate most festivals and visit temples. We have a tradition of visiting a new place once every year as we believe it helps us learn new things and gives us a chance to meet new people.
Why we love this? This family description sample highlights an inter-sect marriage in the family and dwells on the positive aspects that came out it.
4. Boy living abroad with divorced parents in India
I am the only son for my parents and I have no siblings.
My father is a civil servant (IAS West Bengal cadre 1975) and is working as a chief secretary for the eGovernance initiative by the Orissa state government in Bhuvaneshwar. My father is a Bengali brahmin and is from Calcutta. He was born and brought up in Calcutta. He excelled in his studies and was one of the youngest IAS officers in Bengal.
My mother is from New Delhi and she belongs to the Saraswat Brahmin community. She is a talented painter and graduated from the College of Art, Delhi University. She set up the Shilpi art school in Delhi and has won several national and international awards for her work.
I was brought up in a liberal household and our family believes in pursuing one’s interests and learning for personal satisfaction as opposed to monetary gains or a job position. The cross-cultural household I grew up in has helped me appreciate the common bond that binds all of us.
My parents are divorced but they continue to maintain a friendly relationship. They did their best to make sure I wasn’t impacted by their separation. My current job in London keeps me away from my parents, but they do visit me occasionally and I make it a point to visit them in India once a year.
Why we love this? Having divorced parents may be a liability in arranged marriages. However, in this sample, the focus is on highlighting the fact that the family remains a single unit and there is no acrimony.
5. Girl studying in the US with family in India
Our family is born and brought up in Mumbai, our ancestors are from Palghat, Kerala. My parents and two younger sisters live in Dadar, a suburb of Mumbai.
One of my younger sisters is currently in her second year of law school at Symbiosis, Pune and my youngest sister is currently in high school and lives with my parents in Dadar. My father is a chartered accountant by profession and he consults with Reliance Industries. My mother happens to be a homemaker and an active member of the rotary club of Dadar. We are a fun-loving family and believe in living life to the fullest extent and mingling with family and friends.
Our extended family is a large and we always find opportunities to meet up with each other during holidays and family gatherings! Even though I live alone in the US at present, I have relatives in Houston and Austin (which are close to my university) who make sure I don’t miss home!
Why we love this? This sample description is all about the glorious Indian family. Many of us can relate to this scenario. A family oriented woman will be happy to read this description.
6. Boy who lives with his wheelchair-bound mother
We hail from the Patidar community from Surat. I am the only son in the family and I don’t have siblings.
My father owned a chain of grocery stores in around Surat and he played a key role in educating me on the intricacies of running a business and the spirit of entrepreneurship. He passed away a couple of years ago.
My mother is a retired maths teacher and she worked at the Ambedkar Government High School. She suffered a stroke after my father’s demise and is wheel-chair bound.
We are a god-fearing family and are strict vegetarians. We have the support of our close relatives and some of them are also business partners. My mother and I live in a large home that shares a kitchen with other family members. Our family has always stayed together and are committed to helping each other out.
Why we love this? There is an element of tragedy in this description. However, tragic events are bound to happen and luckily the extended family is around to help. This is comforting for the prospective bride / bride’s family.
7. Girl whose brother had an inter-caste marriage
I belong to a Nattukottai Chettiar family from Karaikudi.
My father is from Kandanur and my mother is from Athangudi and they live in our ancestral home in Karaikudi. My father runs a timber export business and my mother is a homemaker. We are a traditional family and most of our relatives also live close by.
My brother is one of the first male members of my family to study in the US. He has an inter-caste marriage and has two children. He lives in New Jersey.
Our family is religious and my parents are responsible for overseeing the affairs of our ancestral temple. It is their wish that my marriage should be performed at the temple as it has been a long-standing tradition in our family.
Why we love this? In this sample, while there is a mention of the inter-caste marriage in the family, the family preference for a traditional marriage takes precedence.
Want more sample descriptions to complete your matrimony profile?
Writing partner preference for marriage is an art and a science.
You need to have a good command of the language to make sure you write an interesting description that will not only attract the right women but also make sure mismatched prospects stay away!
It is a science because you need to be ready to re-write your partner preference description based on the responses you get or the interactions you have with prospective matches.
To get you started, we have listed 7 awesome partner preference samples for men that will help you attract the right people and stay clear of the common pitfalls or traps that you will probably fall for when writing about your partner preference for marriage.
These traps include the following:
1. When writing about partner preference for matrimony, there is a tendency to repeat everything you have read or seen in newspapers or matrimony sites.
2. Men end up describing their expectations for marriage as if they are ordering a pizza with special toppings!
3. Not stating key requirements and deal breakers up front is a recipe for wasting your time as you will invariably meet women or their families who are not compatible.
A typical matrimony ad published in newspapers
The trick in writing about partner expectation in your marriage biodata is to stand out from the crowd within the cultural boundaries of this day and age.
To help you write an attractive partner preference description, we have created seven partner preference samples based on attitude, lifestyle, profession, physical disabilities, and interests.
1. Genuine and funny
I am looking for a beautiful and compassionate woman that can put up with my pet cat and dog (yes, they can be friends). I have a long daily commute and I will be delighted if you can make me a cup of coffee when I reach home. I will, of course, return the favor.
My parents stay with me, but we have a huge house. You will have your space, but you should be OK with this arrangement. Your parents are welcome to stay at our home if they choose to (We seriously need more people to clean our huge home!).
BTW, I am a social drinker and you can join me for an occasional beer or wine. If you are good at pairing wine with cheese, you are the love of my life.
2. Specific and to the point
I am looking for a girl with a killer smile and a spark in her eyes. I am tall, so you will have to be at least 5.5 feet in height. My future wife should enjoy traveling with me as I follow the Indian cricket team worldwide! It goes without saying that you should know the difference between point and gully.
My prospective wife should be a nature lover and enjoy living in a secluded home that is far removed from the hustle and bustle of the city.
3. Traditional and old-fashioned
I am looking for a girl with a great appreciation for the south Indian Brahmin culture and family values. We are a joint family and place a great emphasis on religious ceremonies and traditions. We have strict dietary habits and my prospective wife should embrace our lifestyle.
I am looking for an educated girl with exposure to Carnatic music or classical dance and should be open to staying at home after marriage. I am tall and I expect to marry someone who is at least 5 feet 5 inches in height.
4. Man with a physical disability
I am looking for an educated woman who has an independent career of her own. I am searching for someone who can see beyond the fact that I am bound to my wheelchair. Height certainly doesn’t matter to me :).
While I have grown up to handle everything that life can throw at me, I am looking for a companion who wouldn’t mind providing a helping hand when I am outside. It would be great to marry someone who has prior exposure in working with physically disabled people or have been exposed to their lifestyle.
Someone with a great sense of humor, having experienced adversity and overcome them in the past will probably be able to appreciate my point of view better.
5. Travelling professional
I am looking to marry a career-oriented girl who is financially independent, strong-willed, and has a strong network of family and friends. I am a teetotaler and a non-smoker and hence expect the women I marry to appreciate my preference.
I am a career merchant navy engineer and hence spend over 6-months in the year roaming the far corners of the oceans. Ability to lead an independent life while I am away is a key requirement. I am based out of Mumbai, and I will prefer to marry someone from Mumbai or Pune.
6. Belonging to a family of musicians
I am looking for someone who can blend in with our large family of classical south Indian musicians. She should be able to thrive in a home where music dominates our conversations and activities. It will be a plus if you can hold a tune and can spot the difference between Kalyani and Poorvi-Kalyani ragas.
While I am biased towards classical music, I am open to marrying someone who is into other forms of music or art. Someone who has a modern outlook to life in terms within the boundaries of a south Indian brahmin culture will be a great match. Chennai-based girls will be preferred.
I am an environmental activist for Greenpeace and believe in taking action to stop the unchecked plunder that is happening in the name of development and growth. I am looking for someone who subscribes to the philosophy that we need to everything in our power to stop environmental degradation or die trying.
I don’t want to have children of my own as I have adopted the cause I believe in as a key priority in life. My ideal match will be someone who is adventurous and willing to travel with me anywhere in the world to make a difference.
I am ok with social drinking but smoking habit is a strict no. Ability to drive a two wheeler can come in handy but most importantly, a willingness to learn and take risks is what I am looking for in my future wife.
Amitab Bachchan & Jaya Bhaduri with Amitabh’s Parents, Via Pinterest
Love Marriage is still an exception in India
There very few epic stand-offs that rival that between Indian parents and love marriage! The broad understanding we all have (thanks to the constant diet of Bollywood movies) is that all Indian parents are controlling and love marriage is not in their vocabulary. The reasons proffered ranges from the importance of commitment and practicality to the fear of losing control over their wards.
Parents are opposed to love marriages because arranged marriages are the norm in our country and anyone trying to challenge this stranglehold of arranged marriage is considered to have gone “astray” from the family traditions.
In order to maintain peace with the Jodi-making generation (As opposed to the Jodi-seeking generation), we are going to turn the question on its head and ask why arranged marriages are so prevalent in our country?
10th February 1840: Queen Victoria (1819 – 1901) and Prince Albert (1819 – 1861) on their return from the marriage service at St James’s Palace, London. Original Artwork: Engraved by S Reynolds after F Lock. (Photo by Rischgitz/Getty Images)
We are arguably the oldest culture still thriving, the societal norms set in the Indus Valley over 5000 years ago are still followed. If our epics are believed to be factual, then the rules of our society were set up 4 eons ago. Older cultures like older people look upon change with suspicion.
Arranged marriages have been the norm the world over for a very long time. Love marriages have gained currency only since the famed marriage of Queen Victoria and Price Albert, about 200 years ago. We will get there at a more stately pace in the next 200 years with one caveat: If and only if love marriages prove to be more successful than arranged marriages.
We speak different languages, follow different but similar traditions and the flora, fauna varies enough across the country to earn the sobriquet “Indian Subcontinent”.
Our food habits are varied! A single meal of Roti-Subji makes my staunch south Indian father positively ill while a dinner of rice and sambhar makes my Delhiite neighbor feel very heavy! I made a mango chutney in the Bengali style and my taste buds decided, adding Panch Phoran wrecks Mango Pachadi.
How do we ensure our tiny but, significant differences are propagated across generations? By insisting on marrying within our own groups, i.e., arranging marriages. It has helped preserve our Indianness despite multiple invasions since the time of Alexander and foreign rule since the time of Mohammad of Ghazni.
Life here makes a mash of what is tradition and what would come under religion. We let our holy books cover every aspect of life from what would be a good time of birth to elaborate rituals at the end of life. And we let traditions govern our religion. Even when we change the faith we follow, we carry our traditions along. Do churches in any other country have a Dwaja Stambhamat the entrance? I doubt it.
How can this mishmash of tradition and religion not dictate marriages? And marriages can be subject to dictates only if they are arranged.
Love marriage is not part of our societal makeup
Weddings in India is a celebration of the collective, not individuals. Marriages take place between families. It is both a means of propagating the families forward and ensuring a sufficient number of retirement activities for the older generation: social activities like Weddings, Namakaran and yes, condolences double with every wedding!
More gossip, more people to share gossip and more people to gossip about. This social network has managed to subsume even Facebook, forcing the younger generation to mind their P’s and Q’s when posting online!
The only way to remain part of the collective is following the tenets of the collective. The primary tenet is marrying within one’s culture.
There is also an economic angle to the preference for being a part of the collective by marrying within the community. The huge extended family is always willing to pitch in and help the members(s) in need, fiscally or otherwise.
The price one pays for this security is conformity. Conformity is assured and ensured by arranged marriages where the partner is carefully chosen to fit in the family.
Opposing love marriage is just responsible parenting!
We are the nation that gave the world Yoga. Yoga sutra teaches us to take responsibility for our lives. “I am late because the bus broke down” is a no-no, “I am late because I didn’t plan for bus breaking down” is the correct reason.
However, we have internalized and personalized this advice and introduced an element of selfishness into it! We keep our homes clean by throwing trash out onto the street, we work towards the economic and social prospect of our families disregarding the society at large.
This strain of responsibility certainly extends to children’s happiness. How can the apple of the parent’s eye handle the vagaries of love? Will the child have the sensibility to choose wisely or will the latest Bollywood heartthrob look-alike capture his/her heart?
Parents simply bypass the heartache of failed love by arranging marriages. They are simply taking responsibility for their children’s future happiness.
Indian parents helping their children by passing on answers at the exam hall by climbing the walls! Via BBC
Parenthood is frequently a journey of diminishing expectations especially for Indian parents who are peculiarly involved in every aspect of their child growth and development.
Heard the term Helicopter Parenting, where the parents hover anxiously over their wards at every phase of their lives? Indian parents take it a step further, they are parenting quadcopters!
They track their children from birth until their own batteries run out. They are so invested in everything their children do, they become exceedingly anxious about their prospects as time goes on.
At 2 years the child seems to be a veritable genius. How can he/she not be the next Einstein or the next Bill Gates? At 12, they begin to wonder, will he/she even pass high school?
They decide the child does not have the capacity to decide on a career path and frequently pick the college and course for the child. They pour time, patience and money into ferrying the child to a dozen different classes to ensure the child makes it into the college.
Then starts the next round of worry. Can he / she ever hold down a job when remembering to close the lunch box before putting it in the bag is too much to do?
They just follow the downward intelligence arc to its logical conclusion and decide they cannot trust children to choose sensibly. They decide to arrange their lives by first arranging their marriage!
Love marriage and Mark Zuckerberg
When Mark Zuckerberg is praised for not letting anyone else run his creation, Facebook, why aren’t and shouldn’t parents be praised for managing their children’s love life?
Love marriage is similar to dating. The western world where dating is the norm has40% out-of-wedlock childbirth. They have a well-defined sex-education from middle school years. In a country uncomfortable reading prescribed Sanskrit texts and English plays because of the reference to sex and a country with absolutely no sex education, can you imagine what will happen to our birthrate? We are already the most populous country in the world. Now imagine the stress on both the social fabric and social security of our beleaguered nation!
I have no clue if we were made in the image of God or not. But, children are certainly made in the image of their extended family – eyes like mom, height like dad, intelligence like grandpa etc. Basically, they are their creation and our contribution to a better planet. Then, it stands to reason, the extended family manages the direction of their children’s lives.
What decides health and happiness better than the choice of spouse? Arranged marriages are the best way for parents to ensure their children are on the right path to happiness and prosperity.
Convincing your parents for love marriage – 5 Tips!
Having said all that, the bottom line is life is moving at quark speeds these days. Between advanced science and humanities lesson, we learn to understand ourselves and our interests very quickly. Social Media like Facebook and Google+ quickly shrinks the world to a village. And if Hillary Clinton is right, and it takes a village to bring up a child, then, this village has a hand in your upbringing and values. The person you choose to spend the rest of your life is a denizen of this village but probably a lot different from what your parents expect.
So, how do you convince your parents to approve your love marriage? Here is a 5-step approach.
Pick someone they would approve of! They don’t necessarily want a boy / girl whose great-great-grandfather was friends with your great-great-grandfather. They only want someone who can empathize with the journey your family took over the past few generations. Shouldn’t that be a given in a significant other?Prove it is more than puppy love. Remember Kamal in Manocharithra? He stays away from Saritha for a year to prove his seriousness. What would be the minimum length of time both the sets of parents would need to believe in the depth of your love?
Prove your maturity. You know all the minor irritations you create – leaving the sugar bowl open, not emptying out your pocket before dumping clothes in the laundry hamper, leaving late for work perpetually, not informing your whereabouts? Fix them. Pronto. This level of self-awareness and self-improvement shows you are maturing as a person.
Fight their fears. Parenthood is an exponentially decreasing curve of parents significance in child’s life. Marriage quickly reduces the significance of your parents. Every extended family fears a love marriage would reduce the role of relatives in one’s life at warp speed. Before even bringing up the issue of love marriage, first prove how important your family is to you. Spend time and energy shoring up their affections.
Win over each other’s family. It requires a modicum of humility to pour energy into befriending someone who views you with distrust. Both as a couple and as an individual, it is worth it. They will remember this when you need company grocery shopping, assistance in the kitchen or help babysitting.
That’s not all, we rounded up expert advice on convincing your parents for love marriage. Check it out here.
Can’t handle love marriages? Finding a soulmate starts with a great marriage biodata.