Indians are big believers in finding true love after marriage!
Finding love online is probably that the last thing your parents want you to do. But things have been changing so fast that you will be surprised at the speed with finding love online has taken off in India.
Here are some pointers that tell us why finding love online is a happening trend in India today.
a. The estimated value of the online matrimony market in India by 2017 is projected to be worth $250 Million, according to Associated Chambers of Commerce and Industry in India. Parents are one of the most active and motivated users of matrimony sites!
b. Indians are also finding love online through dating sites. Dating is all set for a boom and the proof of this happening is the mushrooming dating sites and apps that range from matchmaking services to Tinder clones.
c. Let’s not forget that social media tools like Twitter, Quora, and Facebook has also helped Indians find love online. However, these connections don’t happen deliberately and are no different from you falling in love with a handsome, young man you bumped into at a mall!
That’s not all, Indians have not yet developed the social skills needed to find their soulmate on their own nor is it still acceptable to have casual conversations in public places or meet women in bars!
Dating sites, matrimony sites are capitalizing on this opportunity by making the process less intimidating and private to some extent.
Finding love through online matrimony sites
When you reach the “marriageable age”, the first thing your parents do is to create a biodata for marriage. They will share this document through traditional snail mail or through email. The idea here is to find people within your parent’s social network. Invariably this process is a hit or miss. Most likely, they will enroll in an online matrimony site.
There are plenty of choices available for you when it comes to choosing the right matrimony site. Here are a few simple questions you need to ask yourself to identify the site that best suits your requirements.
Answer the following questions and you will probably have a shortlist of sites that may work for you.
Answer these questions before you shortlist a matrimony site.
1. Would you prefer to interact with parents or with potential matches directly?
Most popular matrimony sites (Shaadi, Jeevansathi, Bharat Matrimony) have a large number of profiles created by parents. They do have profiles created and managed by prospective matches but you won’t find too many of them. If you want to directly interact with potential matches, you should look at the countless other sites that have sprung up in the recent past.
2. Are you very specific about marrying within your religion / caste / sub-caste?
Once again, the big three sites excel in helping you search within your community. You will also find regional / local sites that cater to specific communities (Example: Sai Sankara Matrimony in Chennai caters to the local Brahmin community).
3. Do you consider yourself “elite / high-net-worth individual”?
If you have a high-paying job or running a big business or you come from elite schools, you will find it difficult to meet someone who will meet your “standards” through traditional matrimony sites. You are better off taking the dating route or hire a matchmaker who specializes in providing services to rich / high-flying people.
4. Are you open to arranged dating before marriage?
Matrimony sites may not be the right option for you if you would like to date the person you shortlist before committing to marriage. You may have to look at other matchmaking options. Read on to find out.
Here is a list of online matrimony sites in India along with pricing information and customer reviews. Click here to read this in-depth article.
Finding love through online matrimony sites starts with finding a compatible person who meets all your basic expectations. You need to then really do that hard work before and after marriage if you have any hopes of converting finding true love.
Here is how online matrimony sites work.
1. Sign up to create your profile free of cost.
2. Complete your profile and upload a photograph.
3. Use the search feature to start searching for matching profiles.
Matrimony sites have mind-numbing search options!
4. Express Interest or send a message.
5. You will also receive notifications when other parents are interested.
6. Remember to also check out self-created profiles. You may be lucky to directly interact with a boy or girl. Don’t have your hopes high on this front.
Most profiles in matrimony sites are created by parents
Beware of these matrimony site pitfalls
There are several challenges you will face when you use matrimony sites.
First of all, you will be sold to at every turn to upgrade.
Matrimony sites want you to always upgrade to a premium service!
Sign up for the upgraded version only after checking out the free version.
Beware of con artists and charlatans using matrimony sites as their playground. Here is an extract from a recent news!
Con artists use matrimony sites to lure victims.
Finding love through dating sites in India
Young, tech-savvy men and women of India have easy access to smartphones, laptops, and other such easy-to-carry gadgets and they are always ‘connected’ and looking to try new things through trendy apps. Dating sites in India are capitalizing on this trend as young Indians in urban centers are hoping to find love online.
Here are three reasons that explain the phenomenal growth of dating sites in India.
1.Exposure to theculture of finding love before marriage: Westernization and greater exposure to the idea of not depending only on a chance meeting to fall in love have led to the growth of dating sites in India.
2. Increase in connectivity: The big jump in the smartphone usage (650 million in the next four years) along with mobile internet connections (354 million as of June 2015) has provided young Indians an opportunity to discretely find love away from the gaze of the families and with privacy.
3. International dating companies have opened shop: The entry of international dating apps like Tinder and the likelihood of other apps like Zoosk, OKCupid, Hinge, POF, and eHarmony entering the Indian market in the near future will see more marketing campaigns that will get more Indians to try the idea of finding love online.
There are plenty of local online dating apps and websites.
You can take a pick from many Indianised dating apps if you want to try your luck in finding love online. Truly Madly, Woo, Cogxio, Vee, are some of the dating applications in India.
Here is how most of them work.
1. Sign up.
2. Complete your profile.
3. Like people and wait for them to like back before getting connected.
Here is how Tinder works.
Dating sites make it easy for Indians to find love online.
Indian counterparts of Tinder have a more elaborate process to sign up and some of them place emphasis on validating profiles or use sophisticated matchmaking algorithms.
In addition to online dating, Indians in cities are finding love using dating / matchmaking services that provide a combination of online and offline services.
Sites like UrbanTryst (which seems to have gone out of business), Floh, and Aisle provide an opportunity to create your profile and declare your expectations. They then match you with prospective dates in a casual setting or a group date. These are organized by the service provider around fun activities with the hope that cupid will strike at least some of their members.
Here is how UrbanTryst explains the process.
Hybrid matchmaking service providers have an elaborate process.
Online dating – Gateway to nightmares?
All said and done, online dating in India (and elsewhere) is fraught with major issues. Here are some you should keep an eye out for.
1. Do you really know who you might be meeting? Manipulation of personal data on online dating platforms is one of the biggest concerns for women. There is no guarantee that a man with whom a woman is interacting has shared genuine information pertaining to his identity.
2. Beware of stalkers and ‘players’. Stalkers, spammers, and verbal abuses abound on dating sites. Real life stalking is also a possibility and many women have had to face unsavory incidents of stalkers turning up on their doorstep.
3. You can always sign up but you can never leave! After having explored the world of online dating for a while, if a woman wishes to exit, she may find that parting ways is pretty difficult. The removal of her account from the dating website doesn’t guarantee that her profile will be disabled.
4. No means yes? Men in India still have problems taking rejection in their stride. There are countless cases of acid attacks, kidnappings, and other forms of harassment that goes beyond stalking. Bollywood also has driven home the point that if you try hard, every woman that says “no” will end up saying “yes”!
According to a research conducted by a marketing firm, Indians use Facebook, Shaadi.com.and Twitter to find love online.
The study also reported that 35% of Indians surveyed in a study reported that they found love online.
Surveys apart, there are some real life stories of how social media brough people together. Here is an example of how Twitter brought together these love birds who eventually got married!
Real life story of a girl finding love through Twitter!
Facebook and Twitter are not the only fish when it comes to finding love online. Ever heard of Quora, a Q&A site? Finding love on Quora seems to be ridiculous, but Indians (who are one of the most active users of Quora) seem to have fallen in love with other Quora members!
Here is a story of a girl who found her husband on Quora.
A real life story of a girl who found her husband through Quora.
Last, but not the least, Facebook has always resulted in connections that move beyond just being friends. Some of these love matches cut across international boundaries! Click here to read one such story of a woman from Orissa who married a Pakistani man, thanks to Facebook!
Amitab Bachchan & Jaya Bhaduri with Amitabh’s Parents, Via Pinterest
Love Marriage is still an exception in India
There very few epic stand-offs that rival that between Indian parents and love marriage! The broad understanding we all have (thanks to the constant diet of Bollywood movies) is that all Indian parents are controlling and love marriage is not in their vocabulary. The reasons proffered ranges from the importance of commitment and practicality to the fear of losing control over their wards.
Parents are opposed to love marriages because arranged marriages are the norm in our country and anyone trying to challenge this stranglehold of arranged marriage is considered to have gone “astray” from the family traditions.
In order to maintain peace with the Jodi-making generation (As opposed to the Jodi-seeking generation), we are going to turn the question on its head and ask why arranged marriages are so prevalent in our country?
10th February 1840: Queen Victoria (1819 – 1901) and Prince Albert (1819 – 1861) on their return from the marriage service at St James’s Palace, London. Original Artwork: Engraved by S Reynolds after F Lock. (Photo by Rischgitz/Getty Images)
We are arguably the oldest culture still thriving, the societal norms set in the Indus Valley over 5000 years ago are still followed. If our epics are believed to be factual, then the rules of our society were set up 4 eons ago. Older cultures like older people look upon change with suspicion.
Arranged marriages have been the norm the world over for a very long time. Love marriages have gained currency only since the famed marriage of Queen Victoria and Price Albert, about 200 years ago. We will get there at a more stately pace in the next 200 years with one caveat: If and only if love marriages prove to be more successful than arranged marriages.
We speak different languages, follow different but similar traditions and the flora, fauna varies enough across the country to earn the sobriquet “Indian Subcontinent”.
Our food habits are varied! A single meal of Roti-Subji makes my staunch south Indian father positively ill while a dinner of rice and sambhar makes my Delhiite neighbor feel very heavy! I made a mango chutney in the Bengali style and my taste buds decided, adding Panch Phoran wrecks Mango Pachadi.
How do we ensure our tiny but, significant differences are propagated across generations? By insisting on marrying within our own groups, i.e., arranging marriages. It has helped preserve our Indianness despite multiple invasions since the time of Alexander and foreign rule since the time of Mohammad of Ghazni.
Life here makes a mash of what is tradition and what would come under religion. We let our holy books cover every aspect of life from what would be a good time of birth to elaborate rituals at the end of life. And we let traditions govern our religion. Even when we change the faith we follow, we carry our traditions along. Do churches in any other country have a Dwaja Stambhamat the entrance? I doubt it.
How can this mishmash of tradition and religion not dictate marriages? And marriages can be subject to dictates only if they are arranged.
Love marriage is not part of our societal makeup
Weddings in India is a celebration of the collective, not individuals. Marriages take place between families. It is both a means of propagating the families forward and ensuring a sufficient number of retirement activities for the older generation: social activities like Weddings, Namakaran and yes, condolences double with every wedding!
More gossip, more people to share gossip and more people to gossip about. This social network has managed to subsume even Facebook, forcing the younger generation to mind their P’s and Q’s when posting online!
The only way to remain part of the collective is following the tenets of the collective. The primary tenet is marrying within one’s culture.
There is also an economic angle to the preference for being a part of the collective by marrying within the community. The huge extended family is always willing to pitch in and help the members(s) in need, fiscally or otherwise.
The price one pays for this security is conformity. Conformity is assured and ensured by arranged marriages where the partner is carefully chosen to fit in the family.
Opposing love marriage is just responsible parenting!
We are the nation that gave the world Yoga. Yoga sutra teaches us to take responsibility for our lives. “I am late because the bus broke down” is a no-no, “I am late because I didn’t plan for bus breaking down” is the correct reason.
However, we have internalized and personalized this advice and introduced an element of selfishness into it! We keep our homes clean by throwing trash out onto the street, we work towards the economic and social prospect of our families disregarding the society at large.
This strain of responsibility certainly extends to children’s happiness. How can the apple of the parent’s eye handle the vagaries of love? Will the child have the sensibility to choose wisely or will the latest Bollywood heartthrob look-alike capture his/her heart?
Parents simply bypass the heartache of failed love by arranging marriages. They are simply taking responsibility for their children’s future happiness.
Indian parents helping their children by passing on answers at the exam hall by climbing the walls! Via BBC
Parenthood is frequently a journey of diminishing expectations especially for Indian parents who are peculiarly involved in every aspect of their child growth and development.
Heard the term Helicopter Parenting, where the parents hover anxiously over their wards at every phase of their lives? Indian parents take it a step further, they are parenting quadcopters!
They track their children from birth until their own batteries run out. They are so invested in everything their children do, they become exceedingly anxious about their prospects as time goes on.
At 2 years the child seems to be a veritable genius. How can he/she not be the next Einstein or the next Bill Gates? At 12, they begin to wonder, will he/she even pass high school?
They decide the child does not have the capacity to decide on a career path and frequently pick the college and course for the child. They pour time, patience and money into ferrying the child to a dozen different classes to ensure the child makes it into the college.
Then starts the next round of worry. Can he / she ever hold down a job when remembering to close the lunch box before putting it in the bag is too much to do?
They just follow the downward intelligence arc to its logical conclusion and decide they cannot trust children to choose sensibly. They decide to arrange their lives by first arranging their marriage!
Love marriage and Mark Zuckerberg
When Mark Zuckerberg is praised for not letting anyone else run his creation, Facebook, why aren’t and shouldn’t parents be praised for managing their children’s love life?
Love marriage is similar to dating. The western world where dating is the norm has40% out-of-wedlock childbirth. They have a well-defined sex-education from middle school years. In a country uncomfortable reading prescribed Sanskrit texts and English plays because of the reference to sex and a country with absolutely no sex education, can you imagine what will happen to our birthrate? We are already the most populous country in the world. Now imagine the stress on both the social fabric and social security of our beleaguered nation!
I have no clue if we were made in the image of God or not. But, children are certainly made in the image of their extended family – eyes like mom, height like dad, intelligence like grandpa etc. Basically, they are their creation and our contribution to a better planet. Then, it stands to reason, the extended family manages the direction of their children’s lives.
What decides health and happiness better than the choice of spouse? Arranged marriages are the best way for parents to ensure their children are on the right path to happiness and prosperity.
Convincing your parents for love marriage – 5 Tips!
Having said all that, the bottom line is life is moving at quark speeds these days. Between advanced science and humanities lesson, we learn to understand ourselves and our interests very quickly. Social Media like Facebook and Google+ quickly shrinks the world to a village. And if Hillary Clinton is right, and it takes a village to bring up a child, then, this village has a hand in your upbringing and values. The person you choose to spend the rest of your life is a denizen of this village but probably a lot different from what your parents expect.
So, how do you convince your parents to approve your love marriage? Here is a 5-step approach.
Pick someone they would approve of! They don’t necessarily want a boy / girl whose great-great-grandfather was friends with your great-great-grandfather. They only want someone who can empathize with the journey your family took over the past few generations. Shouldn’t that be a given in a significant other?Prove it is more than puppy love. Remember Kamal in Manocharithra? He stays away from Saritha for a year to prove his seriousness. What would be the minimum length of time both the sets of parents would need to believe in the depth of your love?
Prove your maturity. You know all the minor irritations you create – leaving the sugar bowl open, not emptying out your pocket before dumping clothes in the laundry hamper, leaving late for work perpetually, not informing your whereabouts? Fix them. Pronto. This level of self-awareness and self-improvement shows you are maturing as a person.
Fight their fears. Parenthood is an exponentially decreasing curve of parents significance in child’s life. Marriage quickly reduces the significance of your parents. Every extended family fears a love marriage would reduce the role of relatives in one’s life at warp speed. Before even bringing up the issue of love marriage, first prove how important your family is to you. Spend time and energy shoring up their affections.
Win over each other’s family. It requires a modicum of humility to pour energy into befriending someone who views you with distrust. Both as a couple and as an individual, it is worth it. They will remember this when you need company grocery shopping, assistance in the kitchen or help babysitting.
That’s not all, we rounded up expert advice on convincing your parents for love marriage. Check it out here.
Can’t handle love marriages? Finding a soulmate starts with a great marriage biodata.
Choosing a life partner is about answering key questions
Choosing a life partner is arguably the most critical decision one takes as an adult. It is the determinant of most future happiness. You think I am exaggerating?
A study running since 1938 at Harvard backs me up. Dr. Waldinger, a clinical psychologist, has established that relationships with spouses (friends too, but spouses were emphasized) protects you against chronic disease, mental illness, and memory loss well into your 80s!
And whether you are Bill Gates or a street vendor, marital happiness can be a buffer against many of the slings and arrows of an outrageous fate. Case in point is Maharaj from Bombay. He doesn’t ask for a better job or more money despite many days when he walked home to just get his wife a Gajra. His only prayer appears to be asking for someone like Lakshmi to be his wife again!
Look around you. The best friend who is available 24X7 right now is going to move on with his/her life in the near future and you won’t be such a priority anymore? Mom and dad? Your roles will reverse in the near-to-far future with age and its host of health issues catching up with them. You will be the caregiver, not the taken-care-of.
Bottom Line: You have to start building your own little nest.
Besides, study after study establishes one thing clearly, marriage makes you happier than a 6 figure salary or a strong faith. Marriage also grants you good health. The catch is, it has to be a fairly happy marriage. Fighting is fine, maybe even great, but the connection to your spouse and trust in him/her is essential.
Surprisingly, marriage can give you wealth too. Marriage has been shown to consistently increase household income in a study conducted in the US. With both partners working, sharing housework and household expenses, this is a no-brainer.
Life is fun as a single person and free of all the complexity and the intrigue taking on another person and their family entails. But avoiding marriage to avoid these is like throwing the baby out with the bathwater. The complexities will simplify, intrigues will disappear over time, leaving just companionship behind. At some point, you will want someone who has shared your journey and can understand everything you want to say without a single word being said.
The right partner will make the life seem worthwhile even through old age and ill health. Marriage really is an excellent long term investment, if done right.
2. When is the right time?
A very succinct answer to this question is, whenever the right one shows up. But, both society and biology conspire against us, pressuring us to settle with the one available right now rather than search for the right one.
If you look around you, the optimal age for settling down seems to be 20 – 30, lower end for girls upper end for boys. God forbid if you are even approaching the upper limit! Everyone from the maid of 30 years to the distant aunt you have seen twice in your life starts suggesting someone for you. Then there is the inevitable round of temples and dargahs and prayer/fasting regimes.
Biology doesn’t help either, Indian women are advised by well-meaning relatives to finish with childbearing before 30. The biological clock ticks on for another decade at least, and research supports 20 – 35 as the ideal childbearing age for women. But, even our Indian gynecologists want us to finish up by 30!
That possibly puts an upper limit on how long you can look and the age of marriage at roughly 26 for women and 28 for men.
Then there is the herd mentality to marriage. You are determined to enjoy the joys of singlehood as long as possible, but your friends, colleagues start dropping into the marriage trap one by one. Suddenly you find yourself alone or just on the periphery of your group on weekends, holidays and get-togethers and you slowly start thinking may be the right time to choose is Now.
When is the wrong time to get married? That is very easy. It is whenever you are feeling especially low or overwhelmed by the move to a new city, the job you dislike, the promotion you didn’t get and so on and so forth. Important decisions are best made when you are at peace with yourself.
Best time to choose a life partner is when you have the inner peace.
Let us say you moved to a new city and you desperately miss dad picking you from work whatever time you leave or mum having a hot meal ready to the second you step into your home. If you search for a life-partner based on your current frame of mind, you will end up with a chauffeur or a cook! Not that there is anything wrong with either profession, but does this correlate with your long term goals?
Working through the minor crisis, alone, builds character. And helps your confidence level.
3. Where to look for a life partner?
There are real two main camps for looking for a spouse, Arranged marriage and Love marriage. That is one where your parents help you in choosing a life partner and one where you are totally on your own.
Typically arranged marriages start with the rather embarrassed girl or the equally embarrassed guy dressed in their adult best, a saree for the girl, suit for the boy, walking to the local photo studio for marriage biodata photos is still very much a fact of life these days.
The pictures travel more widely than the boy/girl probably would, with pictures posted on popular matrimony websites seen everywhere from Timbuktu to Kalamazoo. They also make their way to various marriage brokers, temples where the retired aunts and uncles meet for spiritual upliftment, social connection, gossip and matching making for their infinite brood of young relatives.
Basically, at the start, finding a spouse via arranged marriage has remained the same, except for expanding the horizon to search for the right one.
But the actual marriage has modernized considerably, the days of setting sight on your spouse for the first time at the wedding ceremony are long gone. Nowadays, both the girl and boy are presented with a pool of potential candidates. Both are given an opportunity to communicate both face-to-face and by phone and email before deciding. The onus of identifying the list of potential candidates falls on the parents in an arranged marriage.
An American study by Dr. Pamela Reagan, comparing arranged marriage and love marriage found the level of marital satisfaction to be exactly the same! Read this interesting post comparing love marriages with arranged marriages in India.
The world is your oyster if you choose to go the love marriage route. Dating websites, overseas assignments, vacations, the right partner could be anywhere, right? Wrong. We are built so that familiarity breeds attraction. Most of the time you fall in love with someone familiar. Familiarity changes strangers to friends and potentially something deeper.
Attraction may be magnetic, but we ourselves are not magnets. Human nature being what it is, we are frequently attracted to those similar to us. Despite the seemingly wide gulf between the approaches, the net result is the same. You end up with someone in the same socio-economic class with similar education, caste and creed.
Look at how many boys and girls from IITs or IIMs end up with a spouse from the same institute. Similarly, workplaces are popular hunting grounds for finding your life partner.
Even if you decide you are going to hunker down and focus exclusively on work and keep personal life separate, well-meaning, meddlesome co-workers will keep nudging you until you first look, then fall. That’s life.
You can take a liberal society away from arranged marriage, but you cannot escape a quasi-arranged marriage in any society!
4. What to look for when choosing a life partner?
We are in the age of equality now, way past the time when the man provided security and woman took care of the house. Earning potential in a man should be above a baseline, but it is not the most critical trait to look for in a partner. Similarly, it is nice if the girl can cook and do household work, but it is definitely not her most important qualification.
Nowadays the girl wants a boy who is nurturing and willing to share in the household work. The boy wants a girl who is well-educated and can pitch in and help with all the dreams and aspirations of life in these modern times.
Psychologists suggest looking for a partner who is socially responsible, respectful and emotionally supportive. Someone who:
Takes care of their parents, siblings and friends when needed.
Is willing to help another person in need will definitely do the same for you.
Treats people with respect is bound to treat you and your people with respect.
Has the emotional intelligence and will be there for you through all the ups and downs.
And if the person can communicate well? Jackpot!
5. Who is the right one?
Decades-old psychologist research says, the right one is someone who generates a sort of Trikonasana of the heart: Touching all three points of the love triangle :
Intimacy: The person with whom you feel a deep connection, someone to whom you pretty feel close, regardless of how long you have known him/her. This is the someone you will gladly share your first and only cup of coffee in the morning. This is the someone whose fight with his/her boss rouses the lion in you for protection. The someone you will defend to parents, siblings, and best friend. Ultimately someone who will offer you emotional support and lean on you in a crisis.
Passion: The person who you find attractive definitely, but also the one who shares your passions. An animal rights activist and a fur coat fashionista don’t belong together! On the other hand, someone who takes your passion and makes it their passion is a definite yes. Passion is the driving force for any romance.
Commitment: Someone who makes a conscious decision to stay with you through good times and bad. And vice versa of course. Commitment to each other grows slowly with time, but it is essential to get past the first few fights you have.
When you are choosing a life partner, the initial drive is the passion or the chemistry that drives your attraction. This will fade over time but the intimacy will deepen. The ability to listen deeply to each other, define common values, convey and understand each others needs all are signs of deepening intimacy.
Commitment is essential to maintain the relationship. Like Michael Simmon says, marriage is hard work, the right person is the one who will inspire you to put on the hard work and energy to make it a great life.
Your friends and/or family can present you with a line of candidates with the right combination of good looks, education, socio-economic background and every other small and big trait that could go into making the right life partner for you. But, not one of them and no amount of psychology or predictive mathematical model or IBM Watson or Google’s DeepMind can correctly guess or help you in choosing a life partner!
But always remember, choosing a life partner is only the first step. Both of you will have to invest time and energy in each other to make a good life of it.
The right person also understands despite all the hype, marriage is not melding of two souls. You will always remain two individuals, but two individuals who share a deep abiding bond. To quote Gibran “Let there be spaces in your togetherness…The oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
Choosing a life partner: Get started on your journey!
It is obvious to us viewers of the play that the sharp tongue and wit Beatrice shows can only be matched by Bernard. Though they start the play despising each other and the idea of marriage in general. His friends and her friends conspire to set them up. The time being right for them, they quickly develop such intimacy that Bernard takes her side when her friend is unjustly maligned and agrees to duel his own kinsman! Everything finally works out and they end up happy and together totally overshadowing the main romance, that of Claudio and Hero.
This also goes to show how important humour and a sense of fun is in choosing a life partner, Hero/Claudio are bound by boring things like honour and reputation while Beatrice/Bernard engage in the most delightful word duels.
Here is a simple how-to list to get you started on the journey to choosing a life partner.
First and foremost look deep within yourself and find your weakness, strength and priorities. This will give you clarity in coming up with the initial list of possibilities.Second, perform Tim Urban’s Traffic – Test on anyone who interests you. Is this person interesting enough to make you want to thank a traffic jam for allowing you to be together longer? To pass this test, the other person needs to be fun, have a great sense of humor, know and respect how your brain works and finally share a good number of your interests, activities and preferences.Third, look at the other person’s flaws and see if you find them acceptable. You may work on your flaws and eliminate them or acquire others, but, at this moment, you are defined as much by your flaws as by any of your sterling qualities. Your life partner must accept you as you are, not take you on as an improvement project. And of course, vice versa.Fourth, take your time. Don’t let the amount of time this is taking get to you. Always remember it is better to spend time choosing a life partner than wasting time regretting the one you ended up hastily choosing.Fifth, and finally, Lean-In! Take the help of your near and dear ones to decide on the one, who will, with time become nearest and dearest to you!
Valentine’s day in India – Announcing a new discovery!
Most Indians believe that Valentine’s day in India is a cultural import from the west along with other goodies like sugary, carbonated drinks and junk food. If you are a student of history, you will probably know that Valentine’s day commemorates St. Valentine, a priest who performed marriage ceremonies against the dictates of the Roman emperor Claudius.
You have been seriously misled all along and we have the smoking gun and the gloves that actually fit!
We have only one statement to make – How dare the west steal the idea of celebrating Valentine’s day from an ancient civilization (aka India) that wrote an entire book on love and sex?
Archeologists digging at the Valentine’s Day site in India
If you are among the handful of people that believed that Valentine’s day in India has had a glorious history, it’s time to rejoice! Jodi Logik Minions were recently provided exclusive access to a secret site near the world famous Khajuraho temple.
Archeologists have now confirmed to Jodi Logik that Valentine’s day in India is not a new phenomenon. In fact, Valentine’s day in India dates all the way back to 970 CE!
Valentine’s day in India – As depicted in sculptures
Archeologists recently uncovered a completely hidden site near the famous Khajuraho temples. This new site of historical importance depicts sculptures of young men and women in various positions celebrating Valentine’s day. We diligently documented the stories behind some of the more interesting poses.
1. Hiding from the parents pose: This pose depicts a boy sneaking into his girlfriend’s home with Valentine’s day gifts only to find that her parents are home. Apparently, he never realized that during the 12th century, all Valentine’s days fell on a Sunday! (good lucking reading this paragraph!)
A shocked Indian after being caught sneaking into his girlfriend’s house!
2. Surprise wedding with uninvited guests pose: This sculpture depicts a wide-eyed and open-mouthed boy and a girl getting married and surrounded by a group of men holding swords. Scholars have interpreted this scene to be that of a forced marriage performed on Valentine’s day. This usually happened when a couple is found together in public spaces. Incidentally, the modern day culture police and moral brigades roaming our cities on valentine’s day are descendants of the men with swords.
Moral Brigade in action on Valentine’s Day in India
3. Waterboarding pose: This sculpture depicts a young man being waterboarded by his girlfriend. Legend has it that the young man forgot to plan for a Valentine’s day that year and was facing the consequences of his laziness and forgetfulness.
Ancient waterboarding guide for angry girlfriends
4. The lonely man pose: This sculpture depicts a man with his eyes wide shut and hands extended walking around the local market on Valentine’s day.
A lonely boy on Valentine’s day in ancient India
After extensive research, archeologists concluded that this sculpture depicts a man who did not have a girlfriend and was trying his best to avoid feeling depressed on a day where almost every young man was holding hands with his girlfriend.
Valentine’s day in India – Buried artifacts
After digging around this hidden temple, archeologists also discovered several interesting artifacts and curios. Here are some of the notable findings.
1. Now you see, now you don’t cloth: One of the assumptions we have these days is that clothes are meant to protect us from the harsh elements and also double up as tools to protect our ‘modesty’. Interestingly in the 970 to 1030 CE timeframe when these temples were built to commemorate Valentine’s day, there was a practice to buy skimpy clothes that reveal more than what they hid!
Some of the artifacts found at the site
These clothes were found in bulk in the center of the market. Archeologists have now concluded that there were shops specializing in selling such clothes and even though the clothes were primarily worn by young women (barring a few devious men) but mostly purchased by young men as gift items! If there is one thing that has never changed since 970 CE, it is the Indian man’s selfishness.
2. Evidence of barbaric rituals: People residing in the area around Khajuraho in 970 CE had realized the importance of Valentine’s day as seen by the elaborate sculptures and artifacts commemorating this holy day. However, archeologists stumbled on a bizarre manuscript from this site. This manuscript depicted the ritual of “stealing hearts”. This ritual involved cutting open the chest of a man or a woman you loved and pulling the heart out of the body and eating it! Puke!
A satisfied Indian after performing the stealing heart ritual!
Thankfully, this practice is no longer in vogue and we show our love for each other by just eating heart shaped pizzas!
3. Parchments and ink: Sculptures and paintings weren’t the only way people communicated with one another during 970 CE. If that was the case, women would have run out of wall space in a matter of few hours! Archeologists also found parchments that included romantic messages written in the ancient Devanagari script.
A pigeon caught delivering a Valentine’s day message in 970 CE
Apparently, young men trained carrier pigeons to carry their messages to their beloved on Valentine’s day. Some enterprising entrepreneurs even got into the business of renting out trained pigeons or offering creative writing services on parchment paper. These are the same entrepreneurs that pooled their wealth to fund these elaborate sculptures immortalizing Valentine’s day. Note: We had to substitute a pigeon with a dove due to tight budgets.
Confucius quotes on Valentine’s day in India
If you are not shocked and confused already, wear your seatbelt before reading about the another jaw-dropping discovery that archeologists have made in China about Valentine’s day in India.
Most history buffs know about Confucius. He was instrumental in teaching Kung Fu to Akshay Kumar, Jackie Chan, and Bruce Lee. He was also a philosopher and teacher in China (around 500 BC) and will be very old if he were to be alive now.
Confucius knew everything about Valentine’s day in India
Confucius is known for his insightful quotes on everyday life. His quotes form the basis for all advice given by licensed relationship therapists the world over. Buried near his ancestral home in southern China, are a set of parchment papers with quotes written by Confucius. These Confucian quotes seem to have been written to address issues young men faced in India on Valentine’s day!
We have exclusive access to these ancient words of wisdom.
George Bernard Shaw had this to say about marriages.
“When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part.”
Love marriages in India have always been a controversial topic.
Countless men and women in love struggle in convincing their parents about the choice of a partner. Some of them marry against their parent’s wishes while some of them break off their relationships for the sake of falling in line with their parent’s wishes. For those that fall in love with people from other religion or caste, the outcome could be deadly!
In this article, we will take a look at the different aspects of love marriages in India, its evolution, real life challenges faced by couples, and its future.
Love marriages in India had a late start
In the book “History of Marriage” by Elizabeth Abbott, there is an entire chapter on the age of the bride at marriage. The chapter focuses on the practices of different societies from around the world when it comes to when women married. On India, the book summarizes the following.
Marriages in India where Hinduism is popular was seen (and continues to be seen) as an activity guided by God or divine intervention.
Women were married at a very young age as young girls were seen to be more malleable and can be molded or trained to fit into the husband’s or in-law’s household.
Between 1921 to 1931, the number of child wives rose from 8,56,5357 (8.5 Million) to 12, 271,595 (12.3 Million).
The book also quotes Mahatma Gandhi who was married at thirteen and later took a strong stance against the custom of child marriage. This is what he had to say about this issue.
“Little did I dream that one day that I should severely criticize my father for having me married as a child.”
You might be surprised to note that the problem of child marriages in India continues to be serious in this day and age. Just look at the chart below. Darker shades represent lower age at marriage. The all Indian average age for brides is 20.2 years. You might think that’s a great number. But the fact it is an “average” and even the average age at marriage is 10 years younger than those of brides in western countries.
So why are we discussing child marriage? Child marriages are forced marriages and always arranged. Children neither fall in love or have serious romantic inclinations. So the question of romance or dating never arises in the first place.
But it is not gloom and doom. With greater exposure and education, women in India are now getting to meet their husband before marriage. While this does not automatically mean that women prefer love marriage, it definitely indicates a greater choice or say when it comes to marriage. Just look at the chart below. As you can see, a greater proportion of younger women met their husbands before marriage. This trend is accelerating indicating a couple of things:
Younger women (as a result of a changing culture and improving education) have a greater say in who they want to marry.
Greater choice means a greater possibility of having a romantic relationship.
When did love marriages in India catch on and why?
Love marriages are nothing new in India. The Hindu religion depicts love marriages among Gods, we have had love marriages among Kings and Queens have had love marriages well before India got its independence. Interestingly, the history of India would have been different had it not been for a love marriage that angered a king! Here is an extract from an article published by a non-profit organization
A single love-marriage between Prithviraj Chauhan and Samyogita, daughter of his cousin and king of Kannauj, Jai Chand, perhaps played a more significant role in changing the history of India than several other factors. Though the mothers of both were sisters, Prithviraj eloped with Jai Chand’s daughter. In return Jai Chand––unlike other Rajput kings and chieftains, who supported Prithviraj––allied with Muhammad Ghori, who succeeded in capturing Delhi in his second attempt in 1192.
There is no authentic information or data (based on our research) on the number of love marriages in India spanning the 6 decades since independence. However, there are some broad trends that point to a more conducive environment for the growth of love marriages in India.
Literacy rates are climbing steadily. Increased levels of education directly translate into better job prospects and financial independence. All these factors become critical requirements for love marriages to flourish.
Increasing urbanization and migration of population from rural to urban areas create opportunities for men and women to interact with diverse people and cultures. They no longer bound by diktats of the village elders in matters of relationships and marriage.
Nuclear families, as opposed to joint families, are popular in India. the number of nuclear families grew from 135 Million in 2001 to 172 Million in 2011. Nuclear families that have migrated to urban centers tend to lose out on the social connections needed to initiate arranged marriages. Hence, we are seeing a greater reliance on matrimony sites as well as love marriages.
As you can see the growth of love marriages in India is a direct result of increasing urbanization and education levels. These factors also have an impact on culture as Indians in urban centers get exposed to new ideas through local as well as foreign media and brands. Case in point is the changing dating scene in India and the growth of dating apps.
How Bollywood promotes love marriages in India
Most Bollywood movies involve a plot that includes the hero falling in love with the heroine. He invariably goes up against the wishes of the heroine’s father or her villain uncle, only to emerge victorious after either winning her father’s blessings or beating the hell out of the cruel uncle. Voice of America published an article that explored the impact of popular culture and laws in promoting love marriages. Here are some extracts that point to the impact of Bollywood in promoting love marriages.
Observers cite one conduit of popular culture in particular – the Indian film industry and its common theme that love can overcome all differences.
“Bollywood’s movies are really amazingly portraying that ‘love is everything’,” says Dilip Amin, who runs a website dedicated to giving advice to Indian interfaith couples.
“Bollywood films generally have been an interesting kind of place where a lot of conflicts and issues about Indian society have played out,” Rohit Chopra, a lecturer at Santa Clara University, says. “The theme of ‘love conquering all’ was actually a theme that was reflected in many films,” he said.
Chopra says many movies in India highlight the conflict between traditional and modern approaches to life.
“On the one hand, they have tended to, I think, on the whole, reaffirm conservative values about family and about authority, and about a the role of women…and generally, the male being the authority figure. But on the other hand, even while generally making an overall conservative point, they have explored these issues,” he said.
Bollywood movie stars have also led by example. Love marriages and intercaste marriages are common in the industry. Here is an extract from a research report.
The above image is an example of how Bollywood has helped confront restrictions against love marriages by setting a great example.
Love marriages in India – Challenges & Tips
The extent of challenges couples face with love marriages in India depends on whether they were able to convince their parents to agree to their marriage. Some couples elope while others manage to convince their parents to agree to their marriage.
However, couples realize that their struggle to get married doesn’t really end with just the marriage. As with any married couple, couples in love marriage also face challenges that need hard work and patience to navigate.
Let’s look at some of the common issues couples face with love marriages in India.
Interaction with parents: Depending on the extent of relationship couples continue to have after love marriage, there is a degree of underlying tension and disharmony when dealing with parents. Parents are keen to justify their opposition to the marriage while the couple is keen to project how “normal” they are in dealing with the day-to-day life. Lack of trust and clashes pertaining to food habits, clothes, and customs can make every encounter with parents miserable.
Raising children: Be prepared to raise children without parental support. However, there are instances where children become a conduit for repairing frayed relationships with estranged parents! Children can also face identity issues because of inter-religion / caste marriages in India and in some instances, they may even face discrimination in social activities. Taking the arranged marriage route for children belonging to intercaste or love marriages can be a little more challenging.
Social life: In situations where couples relocate after marriage elope, the complete lack of family and friends network to lean on can create enormous strains on married life.The couples’ education and economic background can play a big role in helping them adjust to a new place and establish social connections that can provide support.
Culture, religion, and money: It is surprising that the same forces that couples fight to get married i.e. culture, religion and in some cases, money, resurrect later on to pose a new set of challenges for love marriages in India. As passionate love gradually fades away in the face of the day to day monotony of married life, all lifestyle differences dictated by the couple’s background can become major points of contention.
However, it is not all doom and gloom with love marriages in India. Here are practical tips that can help you overcome these challenges.
Love marriages in India are aligned with the underlying philosophy of India i.e. unity in diversity. Embracing the concept of ‘love overcoming all other differences’ is something that every couple in a love marriage should be proud of. Remembering this fact alone can give couples in love marriage a significant spring in their step!
Cultural or religious differences (if the marriage is intercaste) can provide a great opportunity for discovering new practices and cultivating a greater understanding of the world around us. Couples in a love marriage are in a way better off as they have more opportunities to learn from one another.
Men and women born to parents that went through a love marriage or intercaste marriage, tend to be more open in matters of their own marriage. There are plenty of instances where men and women are open to intercaste arranged marriages as they have had a flexible and open upbringing in an intercaste family.
Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, in her article titled “The 12 ties that bind long-term relationships” explains that “People who approach their daily lives with zest and strong emotion seem to carry these intense feelings over to their love life as well.
Couples should see each other in their element when they are confident and know what they are doing. For example, if you watch how good your husband in the local cricket league, you probably will love him more.
Cultivating a greater tolerance for your partner’s beliefs or cultural red lines or a clear separation between love and beliefs can help create harmony in love marriage.
Love marriages in India is certainly an uphill struggle as there is a need to overcome the deep-rooted traditions and perceptions about the institution of marriage and its purpose.
Inspiring love marriages in India
Here are a couple of news stories that chronicle incredible love marriages in India. These stories really serve as great inspiration for couples in love marriage.Just click on the images to check read the details.
If you ever drive a car in India, an accident is bound to happen. If you are one of the few people that never got into accidents in India, write to us. We will nominate you for the Nobel prize. If you are ever in a relationship, there is good chance that you will break up. Even married couples separate and divorce. Divorce rates even among couples married through arranged marriage are increasing in India. Irrespective of how you break up (before or after marriage), the million Dollar question is how to get over a breakup and pick up the pieces. This blogs post attempts to do a deep dive on this topic. Wear your oxygen mask and let’s plunge into it.
Why do we break up?
Before we dive into answering the question – How to get over a breakup, it’s important to recognize why we break up? Let’s look at some of the reasons people have used to break up. You won’t believe how inventive or paranoid people are when it comes to a breakup. Way back in 2012, Information designers David McCandless and Lee Byron have created easy to read charts based on data from Facebook, Twitter, Durex global sex survey and census data. Here is one of the charts that give us more information on why we break up.
As you can see the key reasons given by people for breaking up are: Incompatible Personalities, Cheating, Lost Interest, Moved Away, Bad Sex, Divorce, and Death!
People share personal stories on their break-up
We scoured the Internet to find out why people broke up. Here are some first-hand accounts of why people broke up.
My first boyfriend broke up with me because my parents are divorced. Apparently his mom told him that, I would divorce him because that’s what my family does.
The second boyfriend, he wanted me to straighten my hair, when I had beautiful curls. He wanted me to permanently straighten it! He wanted me to thin down. And get fairer! He didn’t like my dusky tone.
It was the birthday of my girlfriend of 2 months. We went to a restaurant and she started ordering. Fish finger chips and paneer tikka as a starter, then kadhai chicken with butter naan as the main course. I calculated the cost in my mind, more or less I could have paid for it. We ate the starters in silence, me contemplating the dire state of my finances and she happily munching the tikkas and finger chips. When she looked at the main course, she exclaimed, “But I only eat boneless chicken. Order me another”. I tried reasoning with her, went to the extent of pleading her, but in vain. She ordered another kadhai chicken, this time boneless. Finally, the bill came. I told her I am a little short on cash, but she just shrugged and said OK. I was a little confused in the beginning with the OK (still hoping for some help), but none came. Exasperated, I told her that I need to visit an ATM. I came out of the restaurant and blocked her from contacting me ever.
This was a woman getting a graduate degree from a world-famous university with notoriously fickle admissions. One day, her cat pooped on her luggage. She asked me, “Did you get into a fight with my cat last night?”
My response, “I can’t even imagine what a fight between a human and a cat looks like. Besides, I love animals.”
But she persevered, trying to psychoanalyze the cat, to uncover the root cause of this feline evacuation so that I was somehow to blame.
This conversation went on for several days.
Day 6: She calls. “I know it sounds ridiculous, but …” again with the cat poop. I spoke into the mouthpiece only long enough to break up, turned off my phone, and put it in my pocket. Never saw her again.
One reason couples break up is sudden death, which occurs when “new, negatively charged information is discovered about [one’s] partner.” In other words, couples lose trust in each other. It usually involves one party hanging on while the other party actively seeks to end the relationship or both the parties decide to call it quits.
Couples break up because of mechanical failure where “partners have incompatible goals or values.” This is further compounded by a complete failure of communication between the couple.
Process loss may be to blame where the “relationship does not reach full potential because…partners [do] not make use of all available resources.” It is also attributed to changes in lifestyle.
Network can be the breakup culprit, occurring when “friends and/or family do not support [the] partner or the relationship.” This is certainly the case with love marriages or intercaste marriages in India.
Loss of personal freedom occurs when one feels his/her “partner is controlling” or the “feeling that the relationship has become too restrictive.” Personal insecurities and lack of trust are key reasons for this type of a breakup.
Distance may be the reason for terminating a relationship; that is, the relationship is long distance or a partner moved.
No matter what the reason is for a breakup, not all breakups are bad after all. In fact, if the relationship involves abuse, breaking up can lead to a positive change for at least one of the partners! Some people use breakups to introspect and come out on the other side of the breakup with more maturity and a better outlook to life in general.
Good news! Breakups can be predicted
The great news is that break ups can be predicted. Researchers and experts have created models that allow them to predict breakups and suggest ways and means to save the relationships.
John Gottman is a world-renowned psychologist and an expert on marriages and divorce. His pioneering research on married couples is eye opening. As we had written earlier, Gottman and his team predicted whether a couple was going to get divorced with a 90% accuracy. he found that couples that got into a spiral of negativity usually ended up separating eventually. Gottman then teamed up with a mathematical, James Murray, to create mathematical equations that predicted how the wife or husband is going to respond based on their observed behavior data. You can read more about Gottman’s “Love Lab” here.
Gottman also came with the “The Four Horsemen of Apocalypse” (1. Criticism, 2. Contempt, 3. Defensiveness, and 4. Stonewalling) model to predict if the relationship can survive. In fact, by observing how a couple handles the four horsemen, you can predict with a reasonable accuracy about the success or a failure of a relationship. Watch this interesting video that explains these issues and how to overcome them.
The best way to handle criticism is to avoid focussing on a specific behavior and instead talk about your feelings followed by a positive solution for the issue. Contempt (rolling your eyes, name-calling) according to Gottman, poses the biggest challenge to a relationship. In order to avoid showing contempt for each other, couples must build a culture of appreciation where it is genuinely required. The antidote for defensiveness (playing the victim) is to develop the maturity to accept responsibility instead of deflecting the blame. Stonewalling (withdrawing completely) from an issue can be avoided by making sure you get back to the conversation after a brief pause and not stay silent forever as it builds resentment. You can read more by clicking on the image below.
Breakups do happen. How to get over a breakup?
You gave a relationship your best shot, but it did not work out. Sounds like your story? There is absolutely no need to feel guilty or mop about it. We once again decided to look at both real life lessons from people like you and us as well as expert tips to help you cope with a breakup.
People share personal stories on how they handled their breakup
We picked three different accounts from real people on how they overcame the post-breakup flunk.
I think there are several ways to do this, and they may not work for everyone and they also may not work immediately, but they worked for me!
Have a good cry over it: Get it out of your system. Go through your old photos for the last time, remember the good times and the good things about the person. It sounds backwards, but I’ve found it’s necessary and natural.
Purge: Get mad, get angry! Get rid of all the photos you just moped over! Get rid of everything that reminds you of the person, the things they gave you, the ticket stubs, everything! If it’s something actually valuable, don’t trash it, just stow it away for a bit until you’re over the person.
Be with people you love: Hang out with friends and family and people that genuinely make you feel good. Talk to them about the situation and get it out of your system, but at the same time, make sure you let yourself enjoy their company too!
Enjoy being single and treat yourself: Go out to bars, be flirty, spend money on yourself that you would’ve normally had to spend on your partner. Do everything that you wanted to do when you were taken and start up that hobby you’ve always died to do. Also, workout and eat better, you’ll be amazed at how good you actually feel!
Learn from it: When you are starting feeling a bit more stable and more objective, look back and try and learn what went wrong so you can grow as a person. Think about your ex’s qualities and if they were really what you wanted in a significant other. Re-evaluate that relationship and you may even realize it wasn’t taking you in a direction you wanted your life to go.
Whatever you do, DO NOT do the following:
Try to “get back” at them: If it’s over. It’s over. It’s only going to put you in a bad light if you show up with some guy and try to use him to get back at your ex. And please, don’t try and spy and be a creep! Mind games are not healthy, grow up!
Sleep with anyone and everyone you can get your hands on: No. No. And no! This is definitely not going to help you get over them in the long run. You’ve got to clear your head before you can start bringing other people into your life.
Keep trying to get with that person: Like I said, if it’s over, it’s over. No sense wasting your energy on someone who doesn’t deserve it. Plus, if there really WAS any chance of getting back together, you’ll probably ruin it if you look desperate.
Immediately start looking for a new relationship: This is different than just sleeping with everyone. I simply mean don’t be a chronic long-term dater! Give yourself a breather from relationships, period. You learn a lot about yourself and they are essential to growing as a person!
Time is the only thing that heal. From personal experience, it takes 3 to 6 months before you’ll feel better, maybe sooner if you’re lucky. From a biological point of view, that terrible anxiety that you’re feeling is withdrawal from oxytocin, which is the hormone that appears to be responsible for pair-wise bonding in mammals. The similarities between love and drugs are not accidental http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxy.
You can’t. And you shouldn’t have to. Regardless of what happened afterward, you had a good time. Why would you want to forget something that was good? You laughed, you lived, you loved, and you learned. You will continue to laugh, live, love, and learn. Remember and cherish the moments rather than the person you spent those moments with. As hard as that sounds, as time passes and you meet more people you will recognize to value experiences as a whole rather than the components or people who make them up. While it’s true that some experiences – such as the birth of a child – hinge around the presence of a particular person, “having a good time” isn’t one of those.
Now that you have read “street wisdom” on how to handle breakups, it’s time to listen to experts.
Expert opinion on how to cope with breakups
We have rounded up 4 research-based findings to help you devise a strategy for getting over your breakup.
Grace Larson and David Sbarra from the Northwestern University and the University of Arizona, interviewed 210 young men and women that recently went through breakups. A group of them went through in-depth 9-week interview sessions to discuss their relationship. Another group of men and women just had a brief interview. The results were startling. People that went through extensive interviews on their failed relationship actually recovered better when compared to people that had short interviews!
2. Stop stalking your ex on Facebook
In a 2012 study by Veronika Lukacs (University of Western Ontario), titled “It’s Complicated: Romantic Breakups and Their Aftermath on Facebook“, it was found that 9 out of 10 people that were surveyed kept a tab on their execs through Facebook. The study concluded that content on Facebook can be a source of distress for individuals who have recently experienced a romantic breakup. People who engaged in high levels of snooping on Facebook experienced more breakup distress than people who chose not to stalk. The study also recommended some tips on what to do with Facebook after a breakup. These tips are:
Change your Facebook password.
Remove relationship status from your Facebook wall.
Remove tagged photographs with your ex-partner.
Delete message histories so that you don’t read them again!
Un-friend or block your ex.
3. Tylenol might help!
In a unique study titled “Social rejection shares somatosensory representation with physical pain” (don’t worry, it’s not that complicated), researchers unearthed a simple solution to the problem of coping up with a bad breakup. They showed pictures of people’s exes and scanned their brains as they were looking at the pictures! The researchers then analyzed brain activity on the MRI. They found that areas of the brain that support the sensory components of physical pain become active. In other words, romantic pain produced the same effect as physical pain. Participants of the study that had taken Tylenol (Crocin in India) saw lesser activity in the areas of the brain associated with physical pain.
4. Breaking up is good for you
Dr. Gary W. Lewandowski, Jr. is a professor and Department Chair at Monmouth University, Director of the Relationship Science Lab, and co-editor/co-creator of www.ScienceOfRelationships.com. He firmly believes that breaking up actually helps you learn and grow and he has research data to prove it. According to this article, “a 2007 study by Lewandowski his colleagues was one of the first to focus on the plus side of breakups. Most of the young adults who the researchers interviewed said the breakup had helped them learn and grow and that they felt more goal-oriented after splitting up.” Check out his explanation in this video.
That’s all folks! In order to get you in a better mood, check out this flowchart from Imgur.
Just raise your hands if you aren’t interested in learning about the wives and girlfriends of all the sports superstars we follow closely. If you indeed raised your hands (we are watching you), you are probably among the minority (says who?)! If you are a woman and if you have plans for marrying an athlete (celebrity or not), this blog is just for you. All the men reading this post can skip straight to the list unless you are a sportsman.
Wives and Girlfriends of athletes face unique challenges
While it may be glamorous to sit in the stadium while your boyfriend or husband is duking it out in the middle, life is not all roses for wives and girlfriends of top athletes. There are many reasons:
Can you survive the loneliness?
Top athletes are successful because of their ability to work hard on their game and focus on their goals relentlessly. Guess what happens to you when your husband is busy preparing for the next year’s sporting event or tournament? Yes, wives and girlfriends have to deal with shouldering household responsibilities all alone.
Be ready for non-stop travel?
The amount of travel that top athletes have to put up with is insane. A majority of the year is spent in traveling to different corners of the world. If you happen to have children, you can’t pack up the bags and leave whenever you want to.
Can you handle the media glare?
Athletes, especially those at the top of their game, work hard and have incredible mental and physical toughness. They are supremely confident about who they are and look for women who can cope with media glare. You should have loads of self-confidence if you want to survive the pressures of being famous.
But if you do manage to find the right person, things do work out very well. Let’s hear from World Chess Champion, Viswanathan Anand’s wife on her marriage.
With that warning, let’s look at the love stories of 15 top athletes from around the world.
1. Sachin Tendulkar
Sachin Tendulkar needs no introduction as we all know him as a cricketing legend on the same pedestal as greats like
Sachin Tendulkar and his wife, Anjali first met at the airport in Mumbai, when Tendulkar returned from his tour of England in 1990. Anjali was there to receive her mother and bumped into Tendulkar. It was love at first sight! They then met again through a common friend and the rest is history.
When Tendulkar and Anjali first met, Anjali was practicing medicine, while Tendulkar had just started his cricketing career. Later, when they started dating, Anjali made all efforts to brush up her knowledge about the game of cricket. This is one example of a match made in heaven. All the fame and attention has not impacted their life together and they continue to remain a happy couple.
2. Rafael Nadal
Rafael Nadal is a Spanish tennis player who is said to be one of the finest clay-court players in the history of the game. Nadal has won 14 Grand Slam singles titles, an Olympic Gold medal, and many ATP titles. He also won the Davis Cup for Spain a few times. He is the second player after Andre Agassi to complete the singles Grand Slam.
Maria Francisca Perelló, Nadal’s girlfriend has known him since 2005. They met while growing up in Palma de Majorca, an island off the coast of Spain. Perello has put in a lot of efforts to avoid the things that come with being a celebrity and its status. Perello does not attend many of Rafael’s matches since she does not want to distract him while he is playing tennis. Both Rafael and Perello are shy and lead ordinary lives out of the spotlight.
3. Roger Federer
Roger Federer is is one of the most popular athletes in the world. He has the record of holding the No.1 rank for the longest duration continuously and has won a record 17 Grand Slams and 88 ATP singles tennis titles. Federer happens to be the only male player in history to reach the finals of each Grand Slam at least 5 times!
Roger Federer first met his future wife Mirka Vavrinec at Sydney, during the 2000 summer Olympics. Mirka was also a professional tennis player. The pair travelled to Australia from Switzerland to play tennis and got to know each other that way. They married in the year 2009, and Mirka gave birth to two sets of twins five years apart! Federer and Mirka are happily married and our prediction is they will take their marriage vows seriously.
4. Michael Phelps
Michael Phelps is said to be the greatest athletes of all time and had won 8 gold medals in swimming, a sport said to be one of the toughest. He dominated the sport of swimming like none, with 39 world records, and 22 Olympic medals.
Michael Phelps is engaged to his on/off girlfriend, former Miss USA, Nicole Johnson. They remained friendly with each other despite numerous breakups in between and rekindled their relationship last year.
5. Novak Djokovic
Novak Djokovic of Serbia is currently the top ranked player in the game of tennis today. He is said to be one of the greatest tennis players in the world and has broken the Nadal-Federer stronghold of the game.
Novak and his wife Jelena Ristic met as teenagers in Belgrade and dated for 9 years, before marrying. They now have a child together. It was instant chemistry since Jelena was an athletic enthusiast and one of the most beautiful girls in the city to boot!
6. Usain Bolt
Usain Bolt of Jamaica is widely regarded as the fastest sprinter ever, in the world. His nick name is Lightning Bolt, and he holds word records in the 100 m, 200 m and 4×100 m relay. He has won several Olympic medals, and has the habit of making it look easy by slowing down at the finish line, but breaking world records by a comfortable margin.
Usain Bolt hasn’t had a steady girlfriend and isn’t married. In the photo above, he is seen with one of his former girlfriends Lubica Slovac. Before Lubica, there was Mizican Evans who dated Usain Bolt for several years. Usain is said to have dated / had affairs with a long list of women and we don’t know if he has a girlfriend as we write this post. All the sordid details can be found here.
7. Rory McIlroy
Who is Rory? Rory McIlroy is a professional golfer from Ireland. He was ranked No. 1 for 95 weeks! He is the first European to win three different majors by the age of 25. At 22 years of age, he became the youngest player to earn 10 million euros in prize money in career earnings. McIlroy has represented Europe, Great Britain and Ireland, so far.
Rory McIlroy had a very public breakup with the Danish professional tennis player, Caroline Wozniacki, and very soon after, hooked up with Erica Stoll, a PGA employee. It is said that McIlroy proposed to Stoll at the Eiffel tower and that they are now engaged. Rory claims that his new relationship has helped him on the golf course, as well.
8. Lionel Messi
Lionel Messi is only 5’7” in height, but he is one of the most talented footballers in history. Messi is well known for his unstoppable scoring abilities and strikes fear in the heart of the opposing team. He also serves as captain of the Argentinan national football team.
Messi has a long-term partner named Antonella Roccuzzo. Roccuzzo and Messi have been together since 2008 and have two children together. Messi knew Antonella since he was 5 years of age.
9. Christiano Ronaldo
Cristiano Ronaldo is a Portuguese footballer and serves as captain of his national team. He has a very explosive game and is a good striker and defender as well. Cristiano is said to be one of the most rounded players in modern football. He also happens to have the most number of Facebook fans.
He used to date the supermodel Irina Shayk for 5 years but has now recently moved on to a new girlfriend named Claudia Sanchez. Ronaldo met Sanchez at the launch of his new perfume line – pictures were shared of each other on Instagram. He has never publicly revealed the identity of the mother of his son.
10. David Beckham
David Beckham is regarded as one of the most popular soccer players in history, and also happens to be one of the richest! Beckham has represented several clubs and also went on to captain England 59 times. He is the only English player to score in three World Cups.
When David Beckham met Victoria Adams of the popular girl band “Spice Girls” at a charity football match, it was love at first sight. David proposed to Victoria with an expensive diamond sparkler ring. David and Victoria are well-known for appearing at events in matching outfits and have become style icons. They have four children together and their marriage is still going strong!
11. Tiger Woods
Tiger Woods dominated the sport of golf like none before him. He has been the one of the highest-paid athletes in the world for many years. Woods was No. 1 for the most consecutive weeks. Woods is considered to be one of the most successful golfers of all time.
Tiger Woods had a fairy tale romance with Elin Nordegren a Swedish model and nanny. After a whirlwind romance, the two got engaged and married in an opulent ceremony. They also had two kids after marriage and things were looking good for the couple. Unfortunately, their marriage unravelled under the glare of the media as it was revealed that Woods was having multiple affairs while he was married. Their marriage ended in divorce.
Woods then dated Lindsey Vonn, a champion skier who also represented the US in the Winter Olympics, for a few years. This relationship also met with a dead end and the pair broke up.
12. Michael Jordan
Michael Jordan, the basketball player who played for the Chicago Bulls in the NBA is said to be the greatest athlete that ever lived. His skills, coordination and grace were unmatched. If it were not for Michael Jordan, his signature moves and dunks would not exist. He went on to play baseball and golf competitively after basketball, showing that he was a jack of all trades.
Michael Jordan has a long list of girlfriends and is considered to have influenced Tiger Woods to follow his “path”. He dated Vanessa Williams, Juanita Vanoy, Karla Knafel, Pamela Smith, Kylie Ireland, Lisa Miceli to name a few. You can find the complete list of girlfriends and lovers here.
Michael Jordan married former model Yvette Prieto who is 16 years younger than him, in the year 2014. They met 7 years ago and have identical twin daughters.
13. Ayrton Senna
Ayrton Senna was a Brazilian racing driver who won 3 Formula One world championships. He was among the most dominant and successful Formula One drivers and is said to be the greatest racing driver of all time. He died at the age of 34 years, after succumbing to fatal injuries sustained during a race in Italy.
Ayrton Senna had an ex-wife named Lilian Souza. He married Lilian Souza when she was 19 years of age and divorced two years later. His girlfriend at the time of his death was Adriana Galisteu, who many believed would become his second wife. He dated a lot of women in between. One of the women that Senna dated was Adriane Yamin who was 15 years old! She was chaperoned by her mother on her visits to the track to meet Ayrton. He also dated models like Elle MacPherson and Carol Alt. Adriana Galisteu (see in the picture above) has written a book about her life with Ayrton, and also posed for Playboy.
Pele is widely regarded as the best soccer player in history, with over 1000 goals in 1220 games in his career, and winning the world championship twice for Brazil. He was elected Athlete of the Century by the IOC and Time named him in their list of 100 most influential people of the 20th century.
Pele was married to Rosemeri in 1966. They had three children together and divorced in 1982. It is said he fathered a child with his maid, Anizia. He also fathered another child with journalist Lenita Kurtz. He dated Xuxa, the singer who dated Ayrton Senna. Pele then went on to date Flavia Cavalcanti, former Miss Brazil. He then married Assimira, and they had a set of twins. They divorced in 2008. He is now dating Marcia Aoki (seen in the picture above).
15. Muhammed Ali
Muhammed Ali is an American professional boxer, who is widely considered to be the greatest heavyweight boxer in the history of the sport. Ali remains the only three-time lineal world heavyweight champion. Ali had a highly unorthodox style for a heavyweight, epitomized by his catchphrase “float like a butterfly and sting like a bee”.
Muhammed Ali married four times and has seven sons and two daughters. Ali has two daughters from extra-marital relationships. his first wife, Sonji Roi was a cocktail waitress, his second wife was Belinda Boyd and his third wife, Victoria Porsche, was an actress and model. His fourth wife, Yolanda Williams (seen in the picture above) was a long time friend of Ali. Some of his children were from extra-marital affairs!
Images of love and romance will cause one of the following reactions:
I wish I could have someone to hold on to!
How lucky they are!
You will either be jealous or feel sorry about your lonely plight. And then you will probably be angry if you think your partner is totally unromantic (just ask married couples)!
PDAs are turning into Relfies!
Public displays of affection is an age-old phenomenon. In this blog, titled, “Sexuality in American History“, young men and women were beginning to be more liberated and they started openly mingling with one another. The blog also cites the freedom that comes with automobiles also played a role in young men and women having the means to get some alone time!
Via Violet on orange
Even in India, we are seeing the effects of economic growth and personal mobility. We are more likely to see young men and women openly displaying affection in cafes, malls and movie theaters. Of course, we have the moral cops everywhere!
Others will assume you are in a good relationship if you post relfies, change your status to “in a relationship with…”, and talk about your relationship on Facebook. In addition, people viewing your profile are pretty accurate in their ratings of your relationship. If you are in a strong relationship, viewers can pick that up from your Facebook profile. However, there is some danger in getting too schmoopie about your relationship on Facebook; although your friends will think your relationship is going well, they will like you less.
No matter what your situation is, you will probably love these images that captures lovers forgetting that the world even exists around them. That’s not all. We have captured 13 images that focuses on two things that are synonymous with love and romance – rain and coffee! Rain and coffee conjure up images of with romance and warmth and we have set out to prove it.
Love is also not always “passionate” (safe word for “lip lock”). Couples gazing into each other’s eye, holding hands or even gently helping their loved ones into the car demonstrate love and affection. The series of images below try to capture all these emotions.
Love and Romance: Images of lovers in rain
Love and Romance: Images of lovers in coffee shops
When it’s raining, a cup of coffee is all that you need to feel complete. Check out these images that’s brimming with warmth and love.
We bet there are millions of men and women in India who will be interested in finding out how to stop their partner from snoring. Sleep is an important component of any relationship and the lack of proper sleep can potentially derail your relationship.
Stopping your partner from snoring can improve the quality of your life
In developed countries, there is a growing awareness about the importance of sleep.
The National Sleep Foundation (We are not kidding. Check out their website here.) conducts annual surveys on how America sleeps! Called the Sleep In America Poll, their comprehensive annual survey aims to educate the public about how sleep impacts our lives and also promotes better sleeping habits.
According to Dr. Rosalind Cartwright, “In a recent “Sleep in America” telephone poll of more than 1000 adults, sixty-seven percent of the sample who were married or live with someone reported that their bed-partner snores, and more than half of those who snore say this disturbs the sleep of others. Thirty-one percent who live with someone respond that, because of a sleep problem they, or their partner, sleep in a separate bedroom or use earplugs.”
Most major cities in the developed countries also band overhead flights from nearby airports after 9 pm so that the planes taking off and landing don’t create a racket! Here is a screenshot from the website operated by the Toronto Pearson Airport. They have enforced a curfew period in the night for limiting airport landings and takeoffs and they take it seriously. There is even a telephone number for filing complaints or reporting such incidents online. There are also guidelines provided to aircraft that take off or land in the airport in order to minimise noise.
While all of us in India agree with the idea that sleep is important, we are frustrated with the mosquitoes, power cuts, and noise pollution that prevent us from having a good night’s sleep. Add TV and smartphones to this mix of nuisances, and we have a major problem on hand.
Infographics on how to stop your partner from snoring
A mattress company in the UK has come up with an informative infographics that educates couples on the different reasons for snoring, provides a comprehensive list of solutions that can help solve the problem and also provides some out-of-the-box solutions. Who knew playing the Didgeridoo. Check out this cool infographics. Remember, a couple that sleeps together stays together. So don’t let snoring come between your relationship!
What is the most annoying sleeping habit of your partner?
Check out this infographics on sleeping positions, sleeping duration and most importantly, annoying sleeping habits of your partner. Guess what’s the most annoying sleeping habit of your partner? You guessed it right – It’s snoring!
Tell us your snoring stories and what you did to solve the problem. Add your comments below.
We have lined up 21 awesome Bollywood fan art from four artists. Why Bollywood fan art and what’s special about it?
Bollywood fans are crazy and fanatical. Their craziness for their hero or heroine is complete. There are plenty of examples of what people can do for their idols. Fans of Rajnikanth pour milk on his cutouts and posters as a form of reverence. This is such a special gesture because the practice of pouring milk is reserved only for Hindu deities!
Bollywood fans transcend boundaries. Bollywood is not confined to just India and Indians, it belongs to the world. We have fanatical fans of Bollywood fans in places such as Chile, Peru and other South American countries. We even have European fans! Of course, wherever there is large settlement of Indians (US, UK, Australia), Bollywood is not far behind. Check out this Shah Rukh Khan fan page from Peru.
As you can see there is no shortage of passion for matinee idols. One of channeling this passion is through art. We combed Behance and Tumblr to pick out four amazing illustrators and artists that have created captivating Bollywood fan art. Please check out their work and support them.
21 Bollywood fan art from Behance and Tumblr
Rahul Arora – Bollywood fan art with a twist
Rahul Arora is a freelance illustrator. He does storyboards, comics, concept art, environmental design and freelance illustration assignments. Check out his Behance profile and his blog. Here is a line-up of his work. Prepare to be amazed!
Sonakshi Sinha – The angry village belle
Shah Rukh Khan aka King Khan as the Lion King
Salman Khan as the raging bull wearing his Dabaang sunglasses
Ranveer Singh brings out his inner wild
Priyanka Chopra plays cupid
Ekta Kapoor – The queen of TV serials
Mallika Malks – The Creative Doodler
Mallika Malks is an illustrator and graphic designer. She is a doodle lover and her skill and attention to detail is reflected in her work. She is currently the creative lead at Myntra. Check out her Behance profile. You can also buy her artwork from Gabombo.
The Bollywood alphabet chart – The beginners guide to learning about who is who of Bollywood
Bollywood masala – Just in case you need to make a spicy Indian curry
Archana is a graphics artist. According to her facebook page, she says, “The mother nature and the people around me have always served to be the greatest inspirations for my art and design works.” Here is a collection of her stunning fan art based on movie posters.
Milkha Singh – Ready to take off
The intrepid lady detective and her many avatars
Rambo and Clint Eastwood rolled into one!
Don’t ever cross a woman – You were warned
Personal struggles in a small town India
Cristina Bombolla – Spanish illustrator who loves Bollywood
Cristina is an artist from Spain that seems to enjoy drawing iconic scenes from Bollywood. You can find her work on her blog page. Who said Bollywood is only for Indians?
Remember the Baazigar O Baazigar song?
Dance routine from Bajirao Mastani
Titli song from Chennai Express
Dance routine from Devdas
The iconic mustard fields of DDLJ 🙂
Om Shanti Om
From the much anticipated Dilwale!
In summary, the biggest lesson we have learned is that art and movies transcend languages, nations, and cultures.