The proper way to describe partner expectations
We scanned partner expectations in two leading matrimony sites and realized that the format in which information is gathered from members of these sites are similar. Instead of focusing on the qualities of a good life partner, the focus was on making sure they eliminate everyone who will not meet expectations. Here is a screen shot of “About my partner expectations” section for your reference.
Instead of focusing on the qualities of a good life partner, the focus was on making sure they eliminate everyone who will not meet expectations. Here is a screen shot of “About my partner expectations” section for your reference.
While all the parameters listed above are important, they really don’t define the personality of the man or their personal goals or attitude towards married life.
So what’s the outcome of such skewed partner expectations? You will end up shortlisting a bunch of men through matrimony sites and end up wasting your time meeting them.
Why is that?
Only when you meet “prospective matches” you will discover that their lifestyle and priorities in life are completely misaligned or unpleasant facts will surface leaving you frustrated!
Read about the three sins of writing partner description for marriage! Click here to read more.
7 Partner expectation samples written the right way!
We have created seven partner expectations samples for women to help visualize the ideal man that look forward to marrying. We made realistic assumptions and you will certainly find sample partner preferences you can use as it is or get inspiration to create your awesome biodata for marriage.
1. Software engineer looking for a working professional
I am looking for a tall, handsome, Sikh professional based out of Mumbai. He should have a fulfilling career and should be able to support my career as a software engineer.
I travel occasionally and I am hoping to find someone who will be available to spend time with me. I am a social drinker and I am OK with marrying a social drinker. However, smoking is a strict no-no.
I don’t intend to stay with the in-laws and prefer an independent life. I have a modern outlook towards life but I believe in traditional values such as respect for parents and helping others in need. I am willing to change my opinions if you can convince me and you should be open-minded about your opinions as well.
2. Musician looking for a man with an artistic background
I am looking for a man who appreciates art and preferably has a keen interest in any art form. Anyone above 5′ 5″ in height with a pleasing personality and cheerful outlook towards life will certainly meet my expectations. Caste / sub-sect and horoscope match are important for me and my family.
I belong to a family of musicians and my future husband should not stand out like a sore thumb! A keen appreciation and understanding of the pulls and pressures in the life of a professional musician are required. I end up traveling a lot during November, December, and January of every year to perform at various classical music festivals across South India and hence the person I am marrying should be willing to support me in my musical endeavors.
3. Divorced woman who is looking to remarry
I am a divorced woman with no kids looking to take the plunge the second time! I had a brief marriage that lasted 10-months and broke up because we were completely incompatible.
Religion or caste does not matter to me. However, I am looking for someone who respects women, not too egotistical, and an ability to empathize with others. Having a great sense of humor and not taking yourself too seriously will be a definite plus.
I expect the person I marry to be a non-smoker. Social drinking is acceptable. Career oriented yet having a sense of responsibility towards family are traits that I appreciate a lot in the person I plan to marry.
4. Hearing-impaired woman looking to get married
I am a hearing-impaired woman and looking for a life partner who understands my disability but does not discriminate based on my impairment. I can speak orally and can hear well with the help of hearing aids and hence my future husband need not learn sign language.
My disability has not come in the way of my zest for life and my passion for travel. Hence, someone who likes visiting new places will be a bonus.
I expect my partner’s family to accept me the way, I am. I am also open to marrying a hearing-impaired person or any other disability.Although my family has been of great support in helping me grow up into a confident person, I believe in leading an independent life. Someone who can look at disability as a matter of fact and not treat it as a curse will be a good match.
I like to keep myself physically fit and hit the gym regularly. If you believe working out, leading a healthy lifestyle, and embracing a positive outlook towards life, we can certainly talk further!
Looking for family description samples for your marriage biodata? Here are 7 examples to get you started. Click here to read them.
5. An independent woman who loves to travel
I am looking for a smart, tall, well-off working professional who is based in Bangalore. I am a Hindu and don’t believe in caste and I am looking for to marry someone from the same religion who is a vegetarian, non-smoker and teetotaller.
I am looking for a man with a pleasing personality that can keep up with my impromptu getaways. You should be willing to also put up with my dog and be open to adopting more of the four-legged kind once we settle down.
I am close to my parents, but they lead an independent life. I am a people’s person and expect my future husband to also embrace my family and friends as his own.
If you are a Nobel Prize winner, please don’t respond. You probably spend all your time chasing after your passion. Believe in work-life balance? I do too! If you have nodded your head in agreement all along, do send me a message.
6. Young working woman in the US looking to settle down in the US
Looking for someone who is at least 5’8″, English / Hindi speaking, Hindu Indian working in the San Francisco Bay Area and is also a citizen / permanent resident. Caste is not an issue.
Having grown up in the US since I was 2 years old, I seldom speak my mother tongue and speak English with an American accent. However, I am still an Indian by heart and expect my partner to appreciate Indian traditions and culture. I am not very outgoing by nature but do have a handful of great friends.
I love to eat and watch a lot of cooking shows on television and hence looking for someone who shares my passion for food. I do not expect my partner to be a master chef, but it would be great if he understands the basic fundamentals of cooking. I am a vegetarian (not a vegan, btw) and would prefer a vegetarian for a partner, to make things simpler.
7. An MBBS student looking to marry a professional
I am looking for a tall, handsome professional, preferably a Doctor, based out of Chennai. I am in my final year MBBS and intend to pursue my specialization in Oncology. I am a Christian and looking to marry a Christian of any sect. I am god fearing, but consider religion to be a very personal choice.
My career is important and I expect to marry someone who will support my passion for being a medical professional. I grew up in a joint family and open to moving into a joint family (if required) is not an issue for me. When I am not studying, I am a member of the local choir. Someone who has a zest for life and a multi-dimensional personality will be preferred. Smoking and drinking is not OK.
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Posted in Arranged Marriage, Matchmaking, Matrimony Sites
Tagged with: Matchmaking, Matrimony Sites, Partner expectations
Average height of Indian men matters a lot for women
The average age of Indian men is 165 cms according to a study in 2006 by National Institute of Nutrition, Indian council of Medical Research.
Most women in India and elsewhere seem to prefer “tall, dark, and handsome” men when it comes to relationships. It’s not just women, look around, you will find tall men wherever there is a need to create a good impression. The average height of Indian men seems to matter a lot for all of us!
Go to any fancy hotel in India and you will be greeted by a doorman. Here is one doorman we found just in case you haven’t seen one yet!
if you are adventurous, you can venture to the Wagah border for the famous border closing ceremony that involves border guards from India and Pakistan performing a ceremonial ‘military-style dance’ before literally shoving the gates on each other. You will notice that the men performing the ceremony are all very tall.
Via: Estetika / Peter van Aller
Even Bollywood actors are tall (well mostly). The famous exceptions being Salman Khan, Amir Khan, Kamal Haasan to name a few. Check out the heights of all leading Bollywood men can be found here.
We can go on and on about the average height of Indian men and the preference for taller men in key walks of life.
So what why do women prefer taller men? Let’s look at what experts have to have to say about this.
1. Taller men indicate better health
If you observe the average height of Indian men when compared to that of men from other countries, Indian men fall short 🙂
Here is a chart that will show you where the average height of Indian men falls relative to that of men from other countries.
Notice that the average age of Indian men is the lowest in the group! Every country in the chart fares better in terms of health parameters.
According to Times of India,
Between 1914 and 2014, the average height of Indian men increased by about 3cm to reach 165cm (5’5″) while women grew taller by 5cm to become 153cm (5’1″). This leaves our men about 17.5cm shorter than the world’s tallest males in the Netherlands, while Latvian women, the world’s tallest, tower above our women by 17cm.
According to Scientific American, “About 60 to 80 percent of the difference in height between individuals is determined by genetic factors, whereas 20 to 40 percent can be attributed to environmental effects, mainly nutrition.” We can infer that there is a definite connection between height and the health of any individual.
According to another study by Institute of Nuclear Medicine and Allied Sciences (INMAS) and All-India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS), on average, an 18-year-old child belonging to an upper-income family in 2011 is about 4.5 centimeters taller than in 1992.
Let’s also look at this chart (see below) of heights of men and women across major states in India. You will notice that in Kerela (which has a better standard of living), men and women are taller and are growing taller than a lot of other states.
2. Tall men earn more and are considered leaders
Malcolm Gladwell is a popular writer of thought-provoking books and is highly regarded. In his book, Blink, Gladwell writes about the implicit association test that highlights our inherent biases. We end up making up our minds for no rational reason. For example, in India, a fair-skinned person is more likely to be treated with respect in public spaces. Here is an extract from his book that talks about the results of a study on the average salary of men based on their heights.
“Not long ago, researchers went back and analyzed the data from four large research studies, that had followed thousands of people from birth to adulthood, and calculated that when corrected for variables like age and gender and weight, an inch of height is worth $789 a year in salary.
That means that a person who is six feet tall, but who is otherwise identical to someone who is five foot five, will make on average $5,525 more per year.
As Timothy Judge, one of the authors of the study, points out: “If you take this over the course of a 30-year career and compound it, we’re talking about a tall person enjoying literally hundreds of thousands of dollars of earnings advantage.”
While no comparative study was done in India, we believe the bias associated with tall men’s availabilities are universal.
3. Taller men are more confident because…
Here are some extracts from a Psychology Today article by Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne. She analyzed a study done in 2013 by Dutch psychologists Gert Stulp, Abraham Buunk, and Thomas Pollet. Here are some key conclusions she highlights from the report.
“The results on partner preferences are a bit discouraging if you’re a short man. In general, women were more likely than men to think that the man should be taller and they didn’t want to be in a relationship in which they were taller than their male partners.
Unfortunately, in the area of personal satisfaction, there was some bad news from this study for short men, who reported being dissatisfied with their height.
These findings are consistent with the data from other studies showing that tall men enjoy an advantage in self-esteem and happiness.
Here again, the authors link the dissatisfaction of the shorter men to the fact that women prefer tall men!”
The early phase in any relationship or even in an arranged marriage process is driven by what we see rather than what we know about the prospective match.
We end up being judgemental about the person. For Indian women, the average height of Indian men matters a lot as it becomes a key part of the evaluation process when it comes to dating or marriage.
However, shorter men should not lose hope as personality and character should matter more than height once we get past the initial assumptions.
And finally, here is a big twist in the tale. Researchers have found that taller Indian women get better husbands!
According to a study by by sociologists Jeroen Smits (Radboud University) and Christiaan Monden (University of Oxford), taller than average women in India are more likely to marry, get higher educated husbands with better jobs and are less likely to marry at a very young age or to lose their husbands through divorce or premature death.
Now that’s one reason why the average height of Indian men matters to women (at least the tall ones!).
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Posted in India, Matchmaking, Relationship
Tagged with: India, men, relationship, Women
Choosing from the thousands of matrimonial sites in India is a headache!
According to the book, Marrying in South Asia: Shifting Concepts, Changing Practices in a Globalising World, there are over 1500 matrimony sites in India. Our ‘unscientific guesstimate’ is that there are over 2000 matrimonial sites in India. In addition, modern matchmaking providers that provide managed dating services are also proliferating in urban India.
If you are someone looking to go through an arranged marriage, you have a problem of plenty when it comes to choosing from the thousands of online matrimonial sites in India. It is quite challenging for anyone to choose one site over the other. Here are four reasons.
1. Low entry barrier for launching matrimonial sites in India
The reason for a large number of sites is the fact that the entry barrier for launching matrimonial sites in India is very low. Create a simple registration form, provide a time-tested profile development feature and throw in a search feature. That’s it. Everybody and their mother think they can attract a large number of customers by just launching a site. Traditional marriage brokers have also jumped into the business of launching matrimony sites as they also have a large number of matrimony profiles in their database.
2. Community-based matrimonial sites in India
The early entrants in the online matrimony market have branched out to offer community-based matrimonial sites in India. For example, tamilmatrimony.com and telegumatrimony.com belong the same company. The dilemma for the user then becomes should they choose to signup with community-based or religion-based matrimonial sites in India or register with more broad-based portals?
3. Matrimonial sites in India are mostly clones
Barring a handful of sites, most matrimonial sites in India look alike and the feature / functionality list is also the same. The only difference you will see if the size and the quality of the profile database. However, you will never know the size or the quality fo the profile database before you enroll and actually use the website. Without independent verification, there is no way for us to trust the profile numbers that matrimony sites in India project to attract new customers.
4. Dubious claims about the size of the profile database
Often, matrimonial sites in India claim to have a large pool of profiles. However, not all of them disclose the fact that the number of active profiles is only a small percentage of the total profiles. Also, the classification of what an active profile is subject to debate and discussion. Let’s say, a site claims they have 2 million active profiles, but the definition of active profile is any activity on the site within the last 6 months. We will never know how many of the 2 million profiles logged off 5 months ago, never to return?
A review of top 5 matrimonial sites in India
In order to help you navigate the maze of matrimonial sites in India, we have compiled a list of five sites along with basic information about these sites, pricing information (if they have publicly disclosed it), user reviews in public forums and Alexa traffic rating to give you a sense of how popular these sites are. Remember, the smaller the Alexa ranking, the more traffic the site has.
Shaadi is one of the oldest matrimony sites in India. According to their website, they have over 35 million users and 4 million people found their matches. Let’s just assume that they have a large user base and you have a fairly good chance fo bumping into someone that might be suitable for further conversation.
They don’t disclose pricing information until you register with them. Free registration will give you access to their database but is pretty much a hook to reel new customers in. If you need to communicate with prospective matches, you will need a paid subscription. Here are the various membership plans offered by Shaadi. We found that the membership plans typically ranges from Rs.2000 to Rs 5000 for a 3-month period. The more you pay, the more number of messages you can send to prospective matches.
Shaadi.com is ranked 108 by Alexa in terms of popularity in India.
User Reviews for Shaadi
This is a review published in New York Times!
Sudha, 28, from Goa, India, suggests that you wait to give a man you meet online your phone number because “most users are not reliable and serious.” She has been using Shaadi.com to look for a man who is ambitious, educated and fun-loving. Sudha was disappointed when some of the men she met in person were not the way they presented themselves in their online photos and messages. Remember: ask for a few recent photos of your match without hats or sunglasses.
This is a review from Mouthshut.com
The app was very useful while searching a partner for my brother. Very user-friendly and easy to use and highly recommended others. The initial launch was tedious and I used to refer to their website however the new app version seems to be good.found better matches as compared to other matrimonial sites. Was also looking in our community, but no luck.
Jeevansathi is gets mentioned as one of the platforms of choice among matrimonial sites in India. They have a large database of verified profiles. Consistently users that we have interviewed rate Jeevansathi poor when it comes to the user interface. However, people also say that the members are more serious in their intent!
Jeevansaathi membership plan ranges between Rs 650 to Rs.1110 per month. Here are the details.
Jeevansaathi is ranked at 316 among all websites in India.
User reviews for Jeevansathi
Review from Mouthshut.com
There are a lot of complaints about the paid membership features and services. Here is one complaint about the fact that the paid membership service inexplicably changed the user’s requirements that resulted in a whole bunch of profiles being sent her way that did not meet her search criteria.
To my surprise, they relaxed our criteria out of our imagination which is totally unacceptable and started sending mail alerts one in a day on a random basis. We again contacted on the above contact number but this time, nobody was picking up the phone for continuous one week and when we tried to contact them on their mail ids then demanded of money refund then nobody took pains to listen to us and left unattended. We were losing our time in following up with them on our grievance rather than focusing on groom search.
Simplymarry is a matrimony site that belongs to the Times Group (Times of India Newspaper). They claim to have millions of profiles in their database and there is not much of a difference between them and other popular matrimonial sites in India. They also offer community and religion-based search feature.
SimplyMarry is advertised as a zero subscription matrimony service. However, they have also indicated in one of their pages about various membership options! We are still not sure about the “free” spiel. Our minions will be investigating this further. Stay tuned.
According to Alexa, SimplyMarry is ranked 980 among all Indian websites.
User review for SimplyMarry
Here is a review from Mouthshut.com
They should work more on service part. Because, all people will like to feel special and if anyone don’t give importance, then they will never forgive. So, I advise them to work more on service part. And moreover, they should focus on people’s profile and all profile should be genuine and perfect. But, one big advantage is that they also provide free message services. here, you can exchange your contact details for FREE!
All other reviews were negative! We have also not come across anyone using this site from own primary research in Chennai.
4. Bharat Matrimony
Bharat Matrimony is close competitor of Shaadi. They claim to have millions of verified members in their database. Along with Shaadi, Bharatmatrimony is a pioneer in the online matrimony business and have branched out to offer online matrimony in over a dozen languages for various states and communities in India. They also offer other services like personalized or assisted matrimony and matrimony services for elite (in other words, rich) users.
Their pricing information is as seen in the screen below. Their monthly pricing ranges from Rs.800 to Rs.1500 per month and will vary depending on the package and the duration.
BharatMatrimony is ranked 1221 by Alexa in terms of popularity in India. However, we estimate their traffic to be higher as they have multiple religion / community-based portals such as tamilmatrimony.com.
User reviews for Bharat Matrimony
Here is a review by an NRI user in the US as published in New York Times.
Kadhambari Sridhar, 26, from Falls Church, Va., endured seven unsuccessful exchanges on TamilMatrimony. She said she met men who were “coerced” by their parents and were “not ready for marriage.” Some men even stood her up on dates. Kadambari found a match on Tinder!
Here is a review from Mouthshut.com
My marriage was an arranged one. My mother posted my profile without taking paid membership at first. She had to go through a lot of unnecessary profiles. She went to Kerala Matrimony’s office in Thiruvananthapuram and paid the money and became a paid member and there on she got legit profiles and got information of whoever contacted her. She found a groom for me by talking to them over the phone and rest like any other arranged marriage. The family we found were like ours and we are happy. Today I’m happily married.
This is a site run by the Malayala Manorama Group in Kerela. They also claim to be the largest matrimony site in Kerala. Because they are backed by a publishing group, they provide additional services like print ads.
They have a big list of subscription options for various prices. You will get a headache when you look at their pricing chat! Here is a screen that provides all the gory details. We recommend you spend a leisurely Sunday afternoon evaluating the various pricing options. If only they had provided a monthly cost for the various options!
According to Alexa, they are ranked 5123 in India.
User reviews for M4marry
We could not find any reviews for their website. However, we did find some reviews for their Android app. We will update this post if we manage to unearth user reviews for their website.
new layout – really bad. the updated layout is good but functionality lacks convenient app browsing. takes longer to load pages. lag in app performance. Pls include app notification feature too. Would be very helpful for all. Also, please enable a feature to be signed in once app is installed. Signing in every time is a menace.
From Good To Bad To Worse!!! The app development team blindly release any updates, without doing the adequate trial and error and conducting rectifications. You are nothing less than the “KINDERGARTEN kids” who are just impatient to show the new toy to others!!!!! I would rather stick to the m4marry website than this useless app. Goodbye!
This is a regional site based out of Chennai and caters to the local Brahmin community. We decided to profile this site even though the size of their database is limited (as they cater to a niche audience in a local market). The reason for including them is because of the fact that they have a strong presence in the local market and their founder is very active in galvanizing the community for matchmaking purposes.
There are no freebies here. You got to pay to create your profile. Here is a table or prices. They offer discounted pricing for disabled users.
Their Alexa ranking is 50062 among websites in India.
This is not a matrimony site! They are an aggregator. Here is how Bandhan works. You sign up in any of the matrimony sites (Shadi, Jeevansathi, SimplyMarry, BharatMatrimony) and then share the profile ID with Bandhan. Your profile is now a part of their database. Now anyone searching for profiles through Bandhan can find you. In simple words, Bandhan brings together all the profiles from all the leading matrimony sites. That’s neat! To top it all, it’s a free service.
Their Alexa ranking is 6423 among Indian websites.
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Posted in Arranged Marriage, Marriage, Matchmaking, Matrimony Sites
Tagged with: Arranged Marriage, India, Matchmaking, Matrimony Sites
Biodata format for marriage – Downloadable samples and templates
Biodata format for marriage is a concise document that outlines a brief profile of the man or woman who is interested in getting married through arranged marriage. This document may include details such as vital statistics (height / body type / skin color), religion and / or caste, educational qualifications, professional background, family background, contact details along with a summary of partner expectations.
Jodi Logik has lined up five different biodata format for marriage templates for download. Three of these biodata formats for marriage are in PDF format while we have two attractive biodata format for marriage in Word format. We have also included marriage biodata sample content suitable for a boy and a girl so that you can use these as a reference when creating your biodata for marriage.
We have included marriage biodata sample content suitable for a boy and a girl so that you can use these as a reference when creating your biodata for marriage. Considering the fact that some of us may have a unique personal situation, we have included a marriage biodata format for a handicapped man as well.
Why we love this biodata format?
This biodata format for marriage achieves two important goals that most of us ignore – 1. The layout and the organization of content don’t make it look like another job resume format, 2. The biodata format highlights all the key information and the photo to allow for a quick review of the document.
Why we love this marriage biodata sample?
This biodata sample has an exceptionally well-written partner expectations. The boy clearly brings out the fact that he travels a lot and hence expects his future wife to be career oriented and have the ability to lead an independent life during his absence.
Why we love this marriage biodata?
Handicapped people face twin challenges in arranged marriages. First of all, their self-esteem has already taken a beating and they are defined by their handicapped. The second challenge is that their options to look for a prospective match are limited (for all practical purposes) to other physically challenged men or women. In some cases, women from economically weaker sections of the society may marry a handicapped man because of their personal situation. This biodata sample brings out the personality of the man without resorting to using phrases that demonstrate self-pity or defensiveness.
Why we love this biodata format?
In this sample bio data, you will notice that the boy has called out all of his likes and dislikes clearly not only in the expectations section but also in the about myself section. The highlight of this biodata is the fact that your expectations and interests have a direct bearing on the person reading your bio data. Calling out how your lifestyle could change or influence the lifestyle of the person that you intend to marry is something that we can learn from.
Why we love this matrimonial biodata sample?
While second marriages
are definitely on the rise in India, women as well as men tend to get defensive about why they got divorced when writing their biodata for marriage. In this sample, you will notice that the girl has confidently highlighted the positive outcome that came out of her divorce.
If you just need to download a simple marriage biodata format for marriage so that you can use them as a template, download one of the documents. The first one doesn’t include details of parents as well as horoscope relation information. The second marriage biodata format includes both!
6. Click on the image below to download the sample biodata format in Word.
7. Click on the image below to download the modern version of biodata format in Word
Once you download a biodata format for marriage template, you can click on the relevant sections to fill in the information based on the labels or instructions.
We have also included samples for “About Me” and “Expectations“ so that you can write something that is meaningful and truly represents your personality.
Need real-world examples of how to write about yourself for your marriage biodata? Click here to read our in-depth article.
Why your biodata format for marriage is useless!
The first step in any arranged marriage is to create a marriage biodata or biodata for marriage. The marriage data comes in handy in the following scenarios:
- Parents can circulate a printed copy of the marriage biodata among family and friends.
- People who express interest through online matrimony expect to see a marriage biodata before initiating a conversation or a arranged marriage first meeting.
But, the challenge is in finding the right format for your marriage biodata. The search term “marriage biodata format” seems to be very popular. On an average, there are over 2000 searches every month for “marriage biodata format” as you can see below.
While there is a big demand for a marriage biodata format, the options available on the Internet fall short of requirements. Here are a few reasons why:
Here are a few reasons why biodata formats for marriage available elsewhere are inadequate!
- Most of the marriage biodata formats available online resemble a job resume. They are devoid of any character (in other words, design) and are boring!
- If you use a generic marriage biodata format, you will end up doing your best to hide your personality and make yourself a part of the “crowd” of marriage biodata that people use.
- Focussing only on hard facts with the aim of shortlisting a prospective match and then sharing more details is a great idea. The only problem is that its a huge waste of your time and invariably sets you up for disappointment. You will realize that when you meet a shortlisted match, they will not meet your expectations or vice versa!
- Not having a custom biodata for marriage makes you a great candidate for outright rejection. Would you buy a soap wrapped in a white paper and has no label on it?
Here is what you will see when you search for a marriage biodata format! If you look closely, you will fall asleep!
That’s why we believe not having a proper marriage biodata format is a lost opportunity for:
- Standing out from the crowd – Differentiate yourself by sharing a biodata that is significantly different from what others typically use.
- Creating a great first impression – Scientists have found that people form an impression in 1/10th of a second. Use a great marriage biodata format for getting noticed and most importantly get more responses from prospective matches.
- Interacting with the right matches – Use the right marriage biodata format to share all the information you will need to weed out mismatched profiles. There is no value in wasting time with people that cannot meet your expectations or vice versa.
10 writing tips for your marriage biodata
We have lined up the best tips for coming up with an attractive marriage biodata.
1. Choose the right template for biodata for marriage: Yes, there are different ways of presenting yourself through your marriage biodata. This depends on what information you want to project. If you choose the wrong biodata model for marriage, you will end up discounting everything you value.
2. Spelling and grammar: Use tools like Grammarly (their free version is good enough) when writing your marriage biodata. Grammar mistakes and spelling errors can get your marriage biodata straight to the trash can.
3. About yourself: Writing about yourself is probably the most important section in any marriage biodata format. Write about your personality, lifestyle, interests, talents, aspirations, and hobbies to name a few. Listing hobbies in marriage biodata for the sake of listing them is no good. Provide specific examples or details such as the name of your favorite book is you have listed reading as a hobby.
4. Profile photograph: This is probably one aspect of your marriage biodata that will decide if you get a call or you will hear silence. So choose your profile photograph wisely. Here are some great tips to creating an attractive matrimonial profile photograph.
5. Express expectations: Being honest and upfront in expressing expectations through your biodata for marriage is a good way to screen people that don’t match your expectations. Please do not list only your dislikes, but don’t shy away from listing non-negotiable (such as smoking, drinking habits).
6. Calling out sensitive information: If you are a divorcee, have a physical disability or have any other sensitive information that you believe will help others quickly decide if they want to have the next round of conversation, please remember to call it out in your marriage biodata.
7. Horoscope: if you believe in astrology and a horoscope match, include basic information such as your birth star, sub-sect, place and time of birth. A detailed horoscope can be exchanged if there is a preliminary match and interest.
8. Skin color: While it is OK to include height and body type (lean, medium built, toned to name a few), do not include your skin color and steer clear of “wheatish complexion” as you are only reinforcing racism and stereotypes! In short, avoid mentioning complexion in marriage biodata. Let your profile photograph speak for itself.
9. Salary or money: Steer clear of your salary or your bank balance in your marriage biodata. You don’t want prospective matches attaching too much importance on your bank balance and marriages should happen for the right reasons.
10. Your family: While it is OK to list the names and occupations of your parents, keep in mind that this is your marriage biodata and not a family biodata for marriage! Listing gory details about your parents and grandparents doesn’t really make a difference at this stage of the arranged marriage.
We created 7 different family description samples for your marriage biodata that you can reuse! Click here to read the samples.
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Posted in Arranged Marriage, Biodata for marriage, Matchmaking
Tagged with: Arranged Marriage, Biodata for marriage, Marriage, marriage biodata format
Marrying a doctor? You are in for major challenges!
“Don’t marry a doctor” – That’s probably the first advice you will get if you ask someone who is already married to a doctor! Doctors have a busy and unpredictable schedule and spend most of their youth at school, working their way up a tortuous program before becoming a physician. This raises important questions such as “Who do doctors marry?”, “What does it take to marry a doctor?”, “What are the pros and cons of marrying a doctor?”, or “Should I marry a doctor?”.
Let’s look at 7 key points that you will have to keep in mind before marrying a doctor or even dating one. These facts are a combination of surveys and anecdotes from doctors and their partners. Hopefully, most of your questions about marrying a doctor will be answered after reading this post!
1. Are you marrying a Doctor for the right reasons?
If you are an Indian and planning on marrying a doctor, you are not alone. Doctors are in huge demand in India when it comes to marriage. That’s because people look up to doctors with respect and reverence.
Things can get very easy for you if you choose to marry a doctor. Matrimony sites have started lining up men and women based on profession. Don’t believe us, look this screenshot below.
Even the US, there are dating sites such as farmersonly.com, lawyerflirts.com to name a few!
There are also sinister reasons for the big demand for Doctors in the marriage market. The cost of getting a professional degree from a medical college is not cheap (especially if you want to enrol in any of the private universities or colleges) and this implies families have the means to afford expensive education and should be financially well off.
In fact, the growing enrollment of women in medical colleges is attributed to the perception that it is possible to get a “good match” for a daughter who is a physician. This, in turn, encourages the man’s family to demand more dowry as they think the woman’s family can definitely afford to pay off the ransom.
Doctors put in lot more time to complete their graduation and spend more time in gaining specialised skills before they can start practising at a level that will earn them a decent income. This makes it an inherently tough profession to take up on unless you are really passionate about being a doctor.
2. Are you in the medical profession?
Marrying a doctor is a great idea if you are a doctor or in the medical profession.
Doctors have a schedule on paper only. Most of the time, they are delayed because of some emergency and are also on call 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. This creates a major problem for the spouse as they are left to hold the fort on the home front. It is important that you understand what you are signing up for when marrying a doctor. if you are from the same profession or at least work with doctors, you will probably appreciate their erratic schedules.
According to 2014 Work / Life Profiles of Today’s US Physicians, over 40% of doctors are likely to marry doctors or those working in the healthcare industry. According to Dr Kavitha Shah Arora, MD, a gynaecologist:
“As doctors, your lives are so incredibly busy that it’s hard to meet people outside medicine and when you do, it’s hard to explain why you really need to work on Christmas or go in at 2 a.m. for a delivery. When you’re with someone in medicine, you have that shared language and experience. You share the same set of values when it comes to helping others and putting your responsibility as a physician above your relationship’s needs.”
The situation described by Dr Shah is universal. According to this response on Quora,
“There is very little incentive for a student in India to join the medical profession unless their family owns a hospital or have an unending disposable income to spend. This puts the (medical) profession beyond the reach of the middle class since there are no returns for the incredible amount of mental and financial investment required from a doctor.“
3. People studying to be doctors won’t have time for you
In addition to the 5 years of graduation, doctors need to spend a couple of years to specialise in a chosen area and also work as a resident physician.
Studying to become a doctor is a full-time job that leaves very little time for going on dates. If you are dating one, especially someone that is studying to be a doctor, be ready for long periods of no contact. Your planned weekend date can go for a toss on the drop of a hat. If you have found a prospective match (who also happens to be studying for a doctor) via matrimony sites, you will end up disappointed as finding time out of their busy schedule to meet you and go on dates will be tough.
If you have found a prospective match (who also happens to be studying for a doctor) via matrimony sites, you will end up disappointed as finding time out of their busy schedule to meet you and go on dates will be tough.
Here is an infographic that depicts the challenging life of a medical student!
Here is what Dr. James Miller has to say when it comes to people studying to be a doctor.
It’s no secret that residency is tough. Medical residents work crazy hours with little free time and almost never enough sleep. So it’s not a surprise that residency can take a serious toll on our personal lives. For those fortunate enough to enter medical school or residency with a long-term romantic partner, the feeling of having someone in your corner can be a source of comfort when the going gets tough. The rest of us face a choice: Step out into the dating world despite our workload or take up the robes of a monastic existence for the next 3-7 years.
At least in India, parents have our back when its time to get married!
4. Advantages for a non-doctor marrying a doctor
An engineer started dating a doctor 8 years ago and this what he had to say.
No threat or ego issues: Ever saw your friends getting jealous of their spouses who are in the same line of work, and have become more successful? Here, I know that eventually doctors tend to earn more, and hence am fully prepared for it mentally. There is no scope of jealousy or resentment, and we both can be as successful as we can without hurting each other’s feelings. Further, we both get equal opportunities to appear more intelligent in front of each other.
Interesting conversations: She tells me about the curious cases that come to her, I tell her about the new marketing campaign I am working on. We exchange work talk, not really expecting expert opinions, but interesting ones nevertheless.
Network: I know I can count on a dentist, a paediatrician, a surgeon and many others whenever I need them because of her. She knows who to call if her computer crashes or she needs life hacks or she needs to find good pubs around! Also, typically medical students are too engrossed in their studies to really get to know outside life, so my circle of friends prove to be a good break from that for her.
Understanding: She understands when I get really busy, or not able to take her call or get to work at wee hours, cause that’s what she expects from me.
Minimum level of intelligence expected: Think about it. Doctors are anyway intelligent. Intelligent enough not to fall in love with idiots. Hence, both parties get the benefit of no-stupidity-no-frustration factor.
5. Disadvantages for a non-doctor marrying a doctor
Continuing from the same source that listed the advantages for a non-doctor in dating/marrying a doctor, let’s look at what he had to say about the disadvantages.
Patience: Chances are, your doctor spouse was standing non-stop 6 hours assisting surgeries, hasn’t had anything since morning and has slept only 6 hours in last 48 hours. In such cases in whatever you speak or breathe, please tread carefully, very carefully. Be patient and considerate, and remember, ‘This too shall pass’.
Doctor Ego: Fact is, doctors had to study more and grill themselves for longer hours doing harder work than any engineer will ever do. This might lead them to think that doctors are better than engineers or anyone else. Again, a delicate topic to stir up.
Family awkwardness: You might end up feeling a bit ignored in case your family members get more interested in discussing their minute health issues to get free consultation than pampering you like you were used to. I, however, enjoy the peace. Then there is also the pressure of standing up to the expectation of ‘how can a doctor and non-doctor work it out together?’
The doctor vs the spouse: Often when you will hold her hand, she will suddenly observe some weirdness in the bone structure of your hand and start cautioning you against medical conditions you have never heard that affect body parts you never knew existed.
6. Doctors are more likely to marry other doctors
According to Dan Kopf, staff writer at Pricenomics, some professions see a large number of marriages happening from within the profession while others see most marriages happening outside the profession. For example, lawyers and farmers are most likely to marry people in the same profession whereas miners will most likely marry someone out of their profession. Guess where doctors fall? Yes, there is a high probability that doctors will end up marrying another doctor. Let’s look at the data crunched by Dan kopf.
According to Dan Kpof, professions with more balanced gender ratios are more likely to have more marriages happening within the profession. With more and more female medical students enrolling in Indian universities, we should see a similar trend in India.
7. A woman who is a doctor will have a tough time after marriage
Via Ilmicrofono Oggiono / Flickr
Women in India have been getting the raw deal irrespective of their profession or educational qualifications.
Being a woman and a doctor doesn’t change things beyond a certain point. Doctors have a hectic schedule and crazy workloads. On top of that, women who also work as doctors have the added burden of “managing” the household and making themselves available for family obligations. Once children are added to the mix, the pressure on women to juggle their busy work schedules as well as children’s activities on a daily basis will take its toll on the marriage.
A group of physicians analyzed census data in the US to compare the divorce rates among doctors when compared to that of other professionals. Here is a brief summary of their finding.
Females traditionally bear more of the household and child-rearing responsibilities on average, and female physicians, if they have to do both that and maintain a job as a physician, that could lead to a lot of stress and lead to higher rates of divorce. For women physicians, they appear to be essentially getting a raw deal because there is a trade-off they have to make, that, the male doctors don’t have to be making.
Please check out this interesting book titled, “Torn: True Stories of Kids, Career & the Conflict of Modern Motherhood.” One of the arguments made in the book is that women who in certain critical professions (such as doctors) should always consider their job to be more important and forget the idea of work/life balance. In fact, there is even an argument that doctors are way too important for the general public and we cannot let “families” become a priority over public well being.
In summary, marrying a doctor is not an easy decision. But there are some broad requirements that seem to be relevant irrespective of who you end up marrying – a sense of shared goals and vision for the future, defining and communicating your expectations, alignment of goals and priorities, and chemistry.
Divorce rates among doctors
Anupam B Jena from Harvard Medical school conducted a study on the divorce rates among physicians in the US. The purpose of the study was to find out if the stressful, unpredictable lifestyle of doctors caused more divorces and relationship breakdowns compared to other professions in the medical sector.
The results of the study are surprising. The study found that doctors had the lowest divorce rates when compared to nurses, healthcare executives and lawyers!
The same study also found that woman doctors are more likely to be divorced compared to male doctors. The additional responsibility for managing the household and the children might be the contributing factors for this trend.
John Hopkins University conducted a long-term study way back in 1997 and concluded that Psychiatrists and Surgeons had higher divorce rates compared to that of the Pediatricians and Internists.
In India, there is on data available for divorce rates among doctors. In general doctors in India marry someone from the same profession as they believe only a doctor spouse can understand the pulls, pressures and stress associated with the medical profession. We suspect divorce rates among doctors in India is not very different from that of the rest of the population.
Click here to read about what medical students and doctors have to say about their preference for marrying someone from the same profession.
We created this handy checklist for you in case you have already decided on marrying a doctor.
1. Your spouse will go missing often: Just assume that your doctor spouse will not be around for dinner or that wedding reception you knew about 10 days ago. Always start the day with low expectations and who knows you may be positively surprised.
2. Develop lots of empathy but…: Putting yourself in their shoes and understanding the fact that they are always behind both at work and at home will make you appreciate them. However, find a doctor spouse who can also empathise with your lonely struggles every day in his / her absence.
3. Keep your family and friends close: Being married to a doctor without a support network to fall back on will be tough on you. Having family and friends around you or close by will make a huge difference when you have to face life in the absence of your spouse.
4. Keep a tab on your spouse’s health: This may sound ironic, but doctors are not very good at keeping a watch on their own health! This responsibility of making sure your doctor spouse remains healthy is probably on you.
5. Find a different doctor for you family: While it is tempting to get your doctor spouse to treat your ailments or the children’s health issues, it’s always better to find another doctor who can treat your family while keeping all emotions aside.
6. Not all doctors are rich: Be ready to duke it out for a long time before your spouse’s practice pays dividends. Doctors don’t become rich the day they come out of medical school unless they have parents who already have an established practice.
Posted in Marriage, Matchmaking, Relationship
Tagged with: Doctor, Love, Marriage, relationship
When we look at online discussion forums and social media, arranged marriage evokes strong reactions from both its supporters and detractors. There is a growing belief that the concept of arranged marriages has run its course. However, in India, as it is the case with everything else, contradictions seem to nicely coexist everywhere. Look around. You will see a diverse population with different religious beliefs living together, you will see the rich and the poor sharing the same space and you will see modern and tradition all rolled up into one individual. These contradictions have a way of creating hilarious situations as we go about our lives.
Anita Jain has worked as a journalist and her work has appeared in New York magazine, the Wall Street Journal, Financial Times, and Travel & Leisure. She graduated from Harvard University and grew up in northern California. In an article titled “Is Arranged Marriage Really Any Worse Than Craigslist?” she pokes fun at the many adventures she had meeting “eligible” boys chosen by her father through online matrimony sites.She is your quintessential second-generation Indian American that grew up in a western country but raised by parents that held on to Indian values. In other words, she probably is a member of the ABCD (American-Born Confused Desi) generation.
Here are some of her memorable encounters:
A girl can date anyone as long as he is not a Muslim!
I was working as a journalist in Singapore. Vikram, “in entertainment,” took me to the best restaurant in town, an Indonesian place with a view of the skyscrapers. Before long, though, I gathered that he was of a type: someone who prided himself on being modern and open-minded but who in fact had horribly crusty notions passed down from his Indian parents. I was taken aback when he told me about an Indian girl he’d liked. “I thought maybe she was the one, but then I found out she had a Muslim boyfriend in college,” he said. I lodged my protest against him and arranged marriage by getting ragingly intoxicated and blowing smoke rings in his face.
A cow is also a vegetarian and doesn’t smoke
One of the first setups I agreed to took place a year ago. The man—I’ll call him Vivek—worked in IT in New Jersey and had lived there all his life. He took the train into the city to meet me at a Starbucks. He was wearing pants that ended two inches before his ankles. We spoke briefly about his work before he asked, “What are you looking for in a husband?” Since this question always leaves me flummoxed—especially when it’s asked by somebody in high-waters within the first few minutes of conversation—I mumbled something along the lines of, “I don’t know, a connection, I guess. What are you looking for?” Vivek responded, “Just two things. Someone who’s vegetarian and doesn’t smoke. That shouldn’t be so hard to find, don’t you think?”
Auntie, I will speak to the boy only
It’s a common online-dating complaint that people are nothing like their profiles. I’ve found they can be nothing but them. And in their tone-deafness, some of these men resemble the parents spurring them on. One Sunday, I was woken by a call at 9 A.M. A woman with a heavy Indian accent asked for Anita. I have a raspy voice at the best of times, but after a night of “social” smoking, my register is on par with Clint Eastwood’s. So when I croaked, “This is she,” the perplexed lady responded, “She or he?” before asking, “What are your qualifications?” I said I had a B.A. “B.A. only?” she responded. “What are the boy’s qualifications?” I flung back in an androgynous voice. She smirked: “He is M.D. in Kentucky only.” Still bleary-eyed, but with enough presence of mind to use the deferential term for an elder, I grumbled, “Auntie, I will speak to the boy only.” Neither she, nor he, called back.
We are like this only
These days, I do have my limits. I’m left cold by e-mails with fresh-off-the-boat Indian English like “Hope email is finding you in pink of health” or “I am looking for life partner for share of joy of life and sorrowful time also.” For the most part, though, I go and meet the men my father has screened for me. And it is much the same as I imagine it must be for any active dater. I recall the Goldman Sachs banker who said, in the middle of dinner, which we were having steps away from Wall Street, “You know, my work will always come before my family.”
Brain surgeon that likes to dance
My father’s screening method is hardly foolproof. Once, he was particularly taken with a suitor who claimed to be a brain surgeon at Johns Hopkins and friends with a famous Bollywood actress, Madhuri Dixit. I was suspicious, but I agreed to speak to the fellow. Within seconds, his shaky command of English and yokel line of questioning—“You are liking dancing? I am too much liking dancing”—told me this man was as much a brain surgeon as I was Madhuri Dixit. I refused to talk to him again, even though my father persisted in thinking I was bullheaded. “Don’t you think we would make sure his story checked out before marrying you off?” he said.
Auntie, do you have a boy in mind?
On a recent trip to India, I was made to eat dinner at the children’s table—they sent out for Domino’s pizza and Pepsis, because as an unmarried woman, I didn’t quite fit in with the adults. As much as I resented my exile, I realized that maybe I didn’t want to be eating vegetable curry and drinking rum with the grown-ups. Maybe that would have meant they’d given up on me, that they’d stopped viewing me as a not-yet-married girl but as an unmarriageable woman who’d ruined her youth by being too choosy and strong-headed.
This way, the aunties can still swing by the kids’ table as I’m sucking on a Pepsi and chucking a young cousin on the chin, and ask me, “When are you getting married? What are your intentions?” And I can say, “Auntie, do you have a boy in mind?”
To make sure you don’t end up writing stories about the failures of your arranged marriage adventures, insist on viewing your potential partner’s Jodi Logik profile.
Posted in Arranged Marriage, Bride, Indian Bride, Matchmaking
Tagged with: Arranged Marriage, Bride, Parents
Matrimonial ads are nothing new!
If you want to find India’s best comics, just sign up with any matrimonial site or open up the matrimony ads in the newspaper under the Brides / Bridegrooms Wanted section.
Things get really funny due to a combination of bad grammar, parochial traditions, caste, and dowry.
But if you thought the idea of matrimonial ads is unique to India, think again! The concept of printing matrimonial ads in newspapers started in the late 1600s in England according to the book Classified: The Secret History of the Personal Column by H.G. Cocks. According to this book, the earliest ads were not just about marriage but rather personal ads for “companionship” or women of questionable morals soliciting clients!
However, by the turn of the 18th century, matrimonial ads were popular and here is one published in 1750.
Extracted from the book – Classified: The Secret History of the Personal Column
In fact, many in Britain saw matrimonial ads and matrimonial agency as a means to protect and safeguard the institution of marriage and stop people from taking up immoral activities.
In an interview with LiveScience, H.G. Cocks said, “Being single passed the age of 21 was considered almost shameful in that era, and the ads were often a last resort for the men who advertised and the women who read them. If a match resulted, it is unlikely that you boasted the fact to your friends!”
Stinging commentary on matrimonial ads!
Melvin Durai asks probing questions about matrimonial ads. Here are some of the questions we fell in love with!
What the heck is an innocent divorcee?
I’ve never heard anyone say they had a guilty divorcee. Maybe that’s because people consider marriage a life sentence. You have to be innocent to be released.
Or perhaps the divorce court judge made a ruling like this: “After considering all the evidence, I find you, Mohan, completely innocent. You have been unjustly punished. Guards, please set him free from this marriage. But I find you, Sharmila, guilty as charged. You deserve to be punished. I sentence you to three more marriages. Guards, introduce her immediately to Mike Tyson.”
Are single doctors interested in marriage or looking to open a clinic?
If you’re a single doctor, is there some kind of law that requires you to marry another doctor? I’ve come across so many ads in which doctors say they are seeking other doctors. This confuses me. Do they want to get married or are they trying to open a clinic?
Doctors marrying doctors seems so unfair because it deprives the rest of us of free medical attention. All of us deserve a spouse who knows how to work on us. Medically speaking, that is. Some doctors, perhaps desperate to get married, are willing to consider engineers, computer programmers and other professionals who fall into the category of “not doctors but still making tonnes of money”.
Homely and attractive girl?
If a woman is attractive, can she also be homely? And if she is homely, can she also be outgoing? And if she is outgoing, can she also be reserved? And if she is reserved, do I need to knock off the guy who has reserved her?
Rajyasree Sen, in her scathing article (published here), has unearthed gems of wisdom by researching the matrimonial advertisements in Time of India and Hindustan Times newspapers. Here are some pearls of wisdom:
There’s also a nomenclature and code which I think I’ve cracked. I’less is issueless. Which doesn’t mean that you are tolerant and have no issues with anything. But signifies that while you may have been married before, you don’t have children or encumbrances. Lpa stands for lakh per annum. BHP stands for bio-data, horoscope, picture. PQM stands for professionally qualified match. I still haven’t figured out what Pb means—although it could be pompous bigot. Or SM4. If anyone knows, please mail me.
Even newspapers have caught on!
Believe it or not, the very newspapers that publish these hilarious matrimony ads have caught on to the joke. They have now started trolling each other over poorly written matrimonial ads.The Hindu decided to publish this ad in a newspaper run by The Time of India (if you believe what’s on the Internet).
15 hilarious matrimonial ads
We collected 15 hilarious matrimonial ads from Quora, blogs, iDiva, New Love Times, Forums, and News That Matters Not. In fact, video versions of some of these matrimonial ads are available here.
1. I will marry, but I like to party alone
Jai Sri Krishna. My self Tarun, I am working as Deputy Manager, I am like party animal, I am looking for outdoor girl who not part of this culture, but she should not accompany me. She should also be having job and decent package. Caste, colour, education, horoscope no bar. She should know Gujarati cuisines. If interested mail me.
2. Long height and long hair boys only
Hi, am Yashoda, I passed my marriageable age, I seek for the perfect match for me. The boy should be long in height, He can have long hairs also, but he should not have animals in house. Everything else is ok, north and west Indian please excuse me. If you are my man, I long for your partnership. I you want we can chat on facebook also, you can poke me if you want.
3. People with big bank balances may apply
Namaste namaste, We seek a BRIDE for our son who is clean shaven, educated, very enterprising, handsome, he’s got a height of 5’10″ and he just turned 26 having trained abroad he manages his own business. We are high status affluent family with 2 bank accounts in private BANK and we are very liberal in our outlook. He seeks a life partner who is 21, minimum height 5’4″ and IQ of 80 and very modern outlook. If agreeable please send a recent profile with recent photograph and please send photos with front profiles only, please do not send side profiles and it is too inconvenient to judge girls beauty. Thank you.
4. Girls – This guy is a standup comic
HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING BOY, WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL, THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
5. This girl is not a desert
Hello Good morning, myself Ridhima and I am looking for a suitable groom, who will never call me any pet name. Boy should strictly remember that he don’t call me PUMPKIN, HONEY, SUGAR any other sweet name because I am not a desert. The boy should understand that I know calling me any pet name means forgetting me and giving me different personality. He should also keep in mind that comparing me with HER toy will not be tolerated. He should never call me TEDDY, KITTY, DOLLY because I am not going to play with him. Only interested MAILS (Males) can apply with resume.
6. Fancy a man from a well to do family with cattle and equipment?
Hello, I am Manohar. We are from WELL DO FAMILY, having cattle and farming equipments. We are looking for a girl suitable girl she has lot of land, land should be fertile, should be private, should give calf once a year. She should not know computers, should be willing to cook twice a day with SMILE. I promise to take you for film for watching purposes. if interested you can contact me.
7. Guruji says she has beautiful spots on her body!
Hello, my name is Alka from a nice family and also good characterized women. My friends and family say that I am quite beautiful and even my guruji says me that. I have a some beauty spots on my body and I wiling to show every thing to man who steals my heart. Am looking for a dashing man who can speak in English and living in a metro. He should be shaving regularly and ideally and he should be physically strong. So if interested please mail me a photo.
8. I don’t know English, but let’s speak in C++ and Java
Myself Sridhar, working in infosoft as assistant technician. I am good faring vegetarian, looking for a like minded girl, who’s profession is c++ and java. She should be slim with 7 figure salary, should must be issue less and must be from cultured family having no special demands should handle kitchen well should must visit holy shrine with me two times a year caste no bar, religion no bar, no dowry only some gifting items will do. If interested please mailing me.
9. Normal girl only
I want one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartly or she havea frank she’s skin colour ‘normal’not a black or not a whitey. IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that I am a good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR. Bye bye. :-))
10. Matrimonial ads for sailors – Shore, ahoy!
I am a focussed person who want to reach the shore of success with hard work and persistence. The most important thing for me in a person is her moral value which makes one a true individual a person relly good at heart. Sky is the limit. I always aspire to lend a helping hard to anyone in need. I love listening music, travelling beauty of any place be it near far can be source of joy!
11. Are you her dream boy?
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ……..hold my hand forever !!!
12. We have a 4 BHK apartment with 2 kitchens
“Mr. and Mrs. Gupta own a 2 floor bungalow with 2 modular kitchens and are looking for a very fair and beautiful girl for their only son with a married sister. Please contact: 981XXXXXXX.”
13. Excessively pretty girl wanted
Wanted an extremely beautiful and excessively pretty, cultured and well-mannered girl or a highly qualified, working woman for a 42 year old, very handsome man who looks much younger. Please send your details to the following address. Photographs are a must!”
14. Matrimonial ads the tell nothing but the brutal truth
This matrimony ad should not be clubbed with other funny matrimonial ads. In fact, this ad is on the opposite end of the spectrum. It is brutally honest and shames the man and calls out the inability of the man and the prospective bride to find a partner on their own!
15. Real men
Here are three ads that show what real men are made of.
– Good looking life partner for a 52 year old, unmarried young looking man. Tel 9840XXXXXX.
– MBA, industrialist, Rajastan, Agarwal, age around 55. Looking for educated, beautiful, spiritual, caring lady free from family and job. Prefer Agarwal.
– MBA, 45+, straight forward, seeks affluent, business woman who could support with a career.
You will love reading this!
Posted in Arranged Marriage, Marriage, Matchmaking
Tagged with: Arranged Marriage, matrimonial ads, Matrimony, Matrimony Sites
Marrying an NRI bridegroom is no longer a “hot” trend in the marriage market. However, if you have shortlisted an NRI in your marriage hunt, one of the biggest issue you will face is how do I make sure the NRI bridegroom is genuine and how do I validate if he is telling the truth in his biodata for marriage or online matrimony profile? We have listed five easy ways to verify the information provided by your prospective NRI bridegroom here.
1. Simple technique to verify your NRI bridegroom’s employment information
Contact your potential NRI bridegroom’s employer in India (if they have an office) or in the country where he is living. You should get the employer contact information from the company’s website and NOT from your potential match. LinkedIn is a great place to see if your match is actually working where he claims he is working. Any serious LinkedIn profile will have at least 50+ connections and one or two recommendations. Not having a LinkedIn profile is not a deal breaker, though. If you do not have his employment information because your NRI match refuses to disclose this information or gives you evasive responses, its a sign from above to run. Here is how you will see my LinkedIn profile. Notice the number of connections and recommendations I have.
2. Online background checks for criminal history
In countries like the US, you can perform online background checks and this will include checking for criminal background. You can Google “online background checks” and then pick a service from the search results. These services usually charge you a small amount for accessing the criminal records.The only challenge you may have is that your need a credit card that these services will accept.Here is one such service that you can try using (This is applicable for the US only).
3. Google Maps for visual verification
Ask for the NRI bridegroom’s local address and do a Google search using Google Maps. Now turn on the satellite view and zoom in to see if the address actually shows a house or an apartment complex. If you see a vacant ground or if the address has no direct match on Google Maps, your NRI bridegroom is probably taking you for a ride. If he is living in an apartment complex, they usually have a website (one more layer of validation) that you can look up.
4. Your NRI bridegroom’s lifestyle
If your NRI match is living in the US, ask him about his car. People living in cities like New York or San Francisco may not even own cars, but a vast majority of Americans may have at least one car if not two. Look up the make and model number of the car online. If your NRI claims he is working in an MNC and is driving around a non-existent car or mentions something like Geo Metro, it doesn’t add up. Use sites like Kelley Blue Book to find out what type of car your NRI Bridegroom may be driving and if it matches his story.
Also, when you look up his place through Google Maps and if you happen to have the “Street View” working, you may actually see his car parked in front of his house. Now you know where he lives and what he drives!
5. Facebook and Twitter checks
Look up the NRI’s name in Google (Google to your rescue again!) and browse through his social media profiles. Look for any images that show your man doing wild things that you don’t approve of. Here is a funny incident where the NRI bridegroom got duped by a fake bride in India!
If your NRI match is living in the Gulf region (Middle East), you can still verify his employment directly, look for LinkedIn and social media profiles and use the Google Maps trick to see where he is living.
TIP: The different ways of verifying information listed in this post are applicable for both NRI grooms and NRI brides!
Did you know? Insisting on creating a biodata for marriage using Jodi Logik will help you weed out fake information and lies easily.
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Posted in Arranged Marriage, blog, Marriage, Matchmaking
Arranged marriage first meeting
If you are sensing arranged marriage in the air, you will probably be bracing yourself for the dreaded arranged marriage first meeting experience. Pay attention and read this post.
The first thing you should do when your parents start showing you photos of prospective matches or your biodata for marriage is already floating around is not to panic.
The first question that probably comes to your mind is “What should I ask the prospective match and how do we deal with the arranged marriage first meeting?” This is a Million Dollar question and we have a detailed answer that is backed by scientific research mixed with common sense.
Questions to ask during the first meeting in an arranged marriage first meeting depends on the setting. The first meeting with your prospective match (Psst…check out these arranged marriage first meeting stories!) is likely to happen in the presence of your family members. Subsequent private meetings can be arranged with the blessings of your family members. Both these meetings require a completely different strategy.
Arranged marriage first meeting with parents
If it is a group setting, you need to be politically correct and stick to general conversations. In reality, please expect lots of crazy questions that border on offensiveness and craziness. There are lots of answers in Quora where people have documented hilarious first meeting encounters when the two families meet. Here is one memorable example Necessary Skills For Arranged Marriage: Frying Papad and Math.
Jokes apart, the purpose of the meeting in a group setting is to break the ice and also make sure there is enough reason to continue talking after the meeting.
In a group setting, your parents and family members will dominate the conversation. Your best bet is to pay attention to the questions and answers. The broad topics parents love to get into in such meetings include:
- Profession, career goals, work location, and other related topics of the man and the woman looking to get married.
- Lifestyle – Food habits, cultural pursuits (singing, dancing, religion etc)
- Family Background – This is usually about the parents themselves and their native place, grandparents etc.
- Siblings – Are they married, where do they live, their profession and how many children they have.
Your job will be to answer questions posted directly to you and observe the prospective match and his parents closely for the following:
- Do you think there is a possibility of developing some sort of a personal chemistry with the guy or the girl in the future?
- Do they measure up to your expectations in terms of general behaviour (are they civil, courteous, respectful, humble to name a few)?
- Is there is an alignment in profession / career goals / lifestyle / culture?
- Most importantly – Are the response consistent with what was indicated in their biodata for marriage or matrimony profile? Is the prospective match looking anywhere close to the photograph you might have seen before the meeting? Are they contradicting their statements?
If there are no red flags after your evaluation and observation, you are all set to go the next stage of the conversation. Our recommendation would be to ask for a one-one meeting with your prospective match.
Arranged marriage first meeting in one-on-one setting
According to this paper, The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness: Procedure and Some Preliminary Findings, researchers found that by having pre-matched couples discuss their responses to a carefully selected set of questions, designed to bring down the guard, they were able to accelerate the level of intimacy between the couple!
We are NOT recommending that you ask all the below questions in a one-on-one meeting. Try using at least a few of them from each of the three sets of questions. The questions were designed to be answered by both the parties, but depending on how your prospective match responds and the power equation in the conversation (who takes the role of the interviewer), you can keep it one-sided or conversational.
Arranged marriage first meeting – Set 1 (Low-intensity questions)
These first set of questions will help you break the ice in an arranged marriage first meeting.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
This question will help you find out broad areas someone is interested in. For example, if the response is Amir Khan, you probably know she is passionate about movies or an Amir Khan fan. This will help you ask follow-up questions to find out why she chose Amir Khan!
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Response to this question can help you find out if the person is happy with a simple life or ambitious. Of course, if someone says they would want to mimic Carlos Escobar, you may want to consider the next steps carefully!
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
Some people are impulsive or spontaneous and others plan ahead. This question will help you uncover how someone prefers to lead their life.
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
This is a high-impact question as it provides a window into the day in the life of your future partner as he would like to picture it. Right away you will know if there are elements of compatibility between the two of you.
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
One of the best questions to ask a boy before arranged marriage! You can quickly determine if you are dealing with someone who has a zest for life or a romantic streak. Just don’t ask this question to a musician!
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
A profound question to ask anyone. It provides a window into the attitude of a person towards life. Some people believe in outward beauty while others cherish mental toughness or attitude.
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
We believe this question should be used in a light-hearted context once you have broken the ice with the other party. It makes the conversation interesting and could lead you to unexpected conclusions about the other person.
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
If someone says, “we belong to the same caste, religion, and city”, you should run from the meeting immediately!
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
Another excellent question to identify the person’s values. For example, if someone says they are grateful for their family, you know you are dealing with someone who cherishes relationships. Warning – Most people will say they are grateful for their family. Modify the question to get more out of them. For example, “Other than your family and friends, what in your life do you feel most grateful for?”
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
This question would probably bring out the person’s regrets or ambitions in life. In most cases, people will say they don’t wish any change at all! This could probably indicate a lack of self- introspection.
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
This might be a great question to ask right up front! There is no need to specify the time, though. You will know based on the highlights that find a place in the life story.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
If the response to the question is “the ability to answer all your trick questions”, you know you are dealing with someone with a great sense of humor.
Do you know how to say NO an arranged marriage proposal? We created a detailed article that will help you say no elegantly. Click here to read this article.
Arranged marriage first meeting – Set 2 (Medium-intensity questions)
Now, be ready to dial up the seriousness of your questions if you both get through the first set of questions without hating each other!
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
A profound question that can help get a glimpse of the deepest anxieties or yearnings someone might have. Not many people will provide a good answer, but you can always try to get as much information as you can!
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
Not all of us do what we enjoy doing and get paid for it! Some of us have unfulfilled dreams and this question is a gateway to finding out what your future partner is really interested in.
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
Some of us will come up with trivial responses but there is always a possibility that you may uncover something profound. There could be new dimensions to your future partner’s life that was never shared through the marriage biodata.
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
This is a fairly open-ended question to find out what aspects of a relationship appeals to your future partner. Look for responses that you will agree on.
17. What is your most treasured memory?
This question is designed to find out who might be the most valuable person in someone’s life or what accomplishment they truly cherish.
18. What is your most terrible memory?
If you would like to learn about the someone’s weakness or anxieties, this question might open the person up to reveal them to you.
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
Never ask this question if the other party hasn’t opened up or you feel it is appropriate. You can use this question in subsequent meetings if required. The objective of this question is to find out what habits someone would like to toss out.
20. What does friendship mean to you?
This is just a variation of the question number 16! In addition to finding out if they are fairly consistent in their responses, you can also find out a little more. Don’t use questions 16 and 20 in the same meeting. Use this question in a follow-up meeting.
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
This question is fairly straight forward. It’s meant to gauge the how love and affection has moulded someone’s life. If the person answering this question had a rough childhood and a broken family, there could be serious issues to watch out for.
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
This is an ideal game to play on a one-on-one date where you start by sharing something positive about the person and they return the favour This is designed to create a positive bond.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
This question is meant to find out more about how close the person is to his or her family members and how their family shaped their childhood.
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
A critical question that women should ask men in the subsequent private meetings following arranged marriage first meetings.
How to impress a boy in the first meeting for marriage? We put together grooming tips for women to create a great first impression! Click here to read more.
Arranged marriage first meeting – Set 3 (Intense questions)
The following questions are not easy to ask or respond to. Use common sense and judgement to ask these questions.
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
There are no right answers for this question. The response could be humorous, profound or silly and could possibly reflect the person’s presence of mind.
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
Most people may give a corny response such as “…I could share my life with.” Anything better than that should be welcome.
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
This is a clever way to reveal “secrets”.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
This is a big challenge for you and is also a test of how the other person will react to unexpected comments. Example, “I really appreciate your honesty and straight forward responses. But don’t you think your approach has made you more enemies than friends?”
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
Your story from your past will either have the person laughing or find the nearest exit. Both are great outcomes for you!
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
This is a question that can bring out something profound that happened in a person’s life. If someone says they have never cried, they are not being honest.
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
This is tough for the person answering the question! Not all Indian men and women can muster the courage to bring this up in an arranged marriage meeting. If you think you can pull it off, do try this and see what the response is!
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
This question is designed to find out what the red lines are or topics that seem to touch a raw nerve.
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
Don’t expect an honest response for this question. If you do think they are being honest, you have succeeded in opening them up to you!
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
It is actually a simple question that can put the focus on what is really important for the other person.
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
A no go question for most of us!
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
Life after marriage comes with plenty of ups and downs and this question is designed to figure out of your future partner is man/woman enough to stand by you!
Here is a tip – Avoid asking questions (No.35) about death or anything that sounds tragic. Use your judgment and, of course, remember to ask about basic things that did not come up when your families met for the first time.
Arranged marriage first meeting tips – Use this instead of that!
Be mindful of how you phrase your questions so that you don’t put the boy or girl on the defensive or spoil your chances! We have listed better ways to pose some of the common questions you may have for an arranged marriage first meeting.
WRONG: What is your monthly salary?
RIGHT: Where do you work and what do you do at work?
TIP: Don’t ask for salary details if the other party has not already disclosed it in the first meeting. Knowing where they are working and what they do at work should give you an idea of their income.
WRONG: Did you have boyfriends/girlfriends? or Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?
RIGHT: I have had past relationships that did not work out. Wait for the response and ask Did you have any relationships in the past?
TIP: Talking about past relationship should ideally happen later in the arranged marriage process. If you want to necessarily find this out, volunteer information about your own past relationships or lack of it. Wait for the response and then ask about the other part’s past relationship if you think it is appropriate.
WRONG: How many boys/girls have you met so far?
RIGHT: When do you start searching for marriage and what are you looking for in an ideal match?
TIP: Always ask questions that will help you decide if the person is suitable for you. While small talk is OK, steer clear of topics that can trigger negative emotions with the other party in arranged marriage first meeting.
WRONG: Can you cook and clean the house?
RIGHT: Do you roll up your sleeves and take on household chores if required?
TIP: This is true especially for men. Remember, you are not marrying someone to clean your house or cook for you. You are probably looking for someone who will take responsibility on a need basis.
More tips for your arranged marriage first meeting!
Posted in Arranged Marriage, Marriage, Matchmaking
Tagged with: Arranged Marriage, arranged marriage first meeting, Marriage, Parents
Arranged marriages are the norm in India. As most of you might have realized after watching the Bollywood movie ‘2 States’ (and even before that), marriage in India is an alliance between two families rather than a bond of love between two people.
We have come a long way when it comes to matchmaking. Our grandparents or even some of our parents had to deal with marrying someone without even seeing them once before marriage! Looking back at the old customs and rituals that were followed during matchmaking might seem outrageous, or even unbelievable, but you can’t deny that we have had some crazy matchmaking practices in our country. We bring to you the best of these weird and funny matchmaking practices. Some of us might be glad we don’t live in the era when such practices were the norm.
1. Dowry continues to be a part of matchmaking
"India - Delhi wedding - 5438" by © Jorge Royan / http://www.royan.com.ar. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Commons - https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:India_-_Delhi_wedding_-_5438.jpg#/media/File:India_-_Delhi_wedding_-_5438.jpg
It is one of the oldest and most abused practices when it comes to matchmaking. The history of dowry is not clear, but it is believed to have started so that daughters could have equal rights in the inheritance of her family’s wealth. Boy oh boy, have we abused this tradition or what! It is sickening to see how crimes against women have escalated in the name of dowry. In some parts of India, women were sold to men in the name of dowry. We sure as hell are glad that dowry is a crime in India, but a lot more needs to be done to get the message to millions of Indians who still think demanding dowry is their birthright.
If you were wondering whether Dowry is just a practice in India, we have 10 Craziest Dowry Stories from around the world for you. Share your dowry stories in the comments section.
2. Marry an animal first
Across the board, women have never had it easy in India when it comes to marriages and matchmaking. In some parts of India, it is believed that girls who are born with facial deformation are possessed by ghosts. And the only way to get rid of the ghost is for the girl to marry an animal, typically a goat or dog. God, we are a sad country for women to be born in, aren’t we?
3. Child marriage
Much has been said and written about child marriage but we just wanted to remind you of it. Imagine if matchmaking for you started when you were just 12 years old. What if instead of fighting with your parents over buying you an expensive phone, you had to fight over which person you will get married to? Child marriage, thankfully, is illegal now but like dowry, is still practiced in several parts of this great nation! Here is a UN report on the practice of child marriages and the social and economic reasons thats driving this practice.
4. Leaving it to a fowl
Among the Angamis (a tribe in Nagaland), a young man having chosen his potential mate, tells his father, who then sends a friend to determine the wishes of the girl’s parents. If they express conditional approval, the bridegroom’s father tests the proposal by strangling a fowl (a hen or chicken) and watching the way in which it crosses its legs when dying. If the legs are placed in an inauspicious manner, the match is immediately ended. Otherwise, the girl is informed of the favorable progress of negotiations. At this stage, she can veto the whole relationship if she has an inauspicious dream in the next three days. If nothing of that sort happens, the wedding day is fixed.
What we like in this bizarre matchmaking process is that the girl can fake an inauspicious dream and end the nonsense once and for all!
5. Men’s beauty pageant
"1997 274-24 Gerewol" by Dan Lundberg - 1997 #274-24 Gerewol. Licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 via Commons - https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:1997_274-24_Gerewol.jpg#/media/File:1997_274-24_Gerewol.jpg"
In this matchmaking practice followed by African tribe of Wodaabe, men are supposed to impress women! And it is not just about dressing up and looking good. Men of this tribe are often found spending their days grooming to look attractive and be spotted by women. They also have annual matchmaking festival called, “Gerewol” where men dress up and participate in a dancing competition called the “Yaake” to impress women. What do you say about a little role reversal, eh?
And as a signoff, we present to you the one matchmaking process that you will die for:
The best matchmaking practice in the world?
In ancient Egypt, courting was incredibly simple. If a man liked a woman, and she liked him back, they would move into the same house and live together. That’s it. Then they were married.
Oh, how we all wished life would be such simple, right?
If you know about some weird / funny / strange matchmaking practices, do let us know in the comments section below.
Use Jodi Logik to bypass all these crazy matchmaking practices to find your special someone. Give it a try!
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Posted in Arranged Marriage, Matchmaking
Tagged with: Arranged Marriage, Child Marriage, Dowry, Matchmaking