Via Anna Salmi on Tumblr
More and more Indians are finding love online
Indians are big believers in finding true love after marriage!
Finding love online is probably that the last thing your parents want you to do. But things have been changing so fast that you will be surprised at the speed with finding love online has taken off in India.
Here are some pointers that tell us why finding love online is a happening trend in India today.
a. The estimated value of the online matrimony market in India by 2017 is projected to be worth $250 Million, according to Associated Chambers of Commerce and Industry in India. Parents are one of the most active and motivated users of matrimony sites!
b. Indians are also finding love online through dating sites. Dating is all set for a boom and the proof of this happening is the mushrooming dating sites and apps that range from matchmaking services to Tinder clones.
c. Let’s not forget that social media tools like Twitter, Quora, and Facebook has also helped Indians find love online. However, these connections don’t happen deliberately and are no different from you falling in love with a handsome, young man you bumped into at a mall!
d. As Indian families migrate to urban centers, away from their villages and extended families, they find that their social network in the real world has shrunk.
That’s not all, Indians have not yet developed the social skills needed to find their soulmate on their own nor is it still acceptable to have casual conversations in public places or meet women in bars!
Dating sites, matrimony sites are capitalizing on this opportunity by making the process less intimidating and private to some extent.
Finding love through online matrimony sites
When you reach the “marriageable age”, the first thing your parents do is to create a biodata for marriage. They will share this document through traditional snail mail or through email. The idea here is to find people within your parent’s social network. Invariably this process is a hit or miss. Most likely, they will enroll in an online matrimony site.
There are plenty of choices available for you when it comes to choosing the right matrimony site. Here are a few simple questions you need to ask yourself to identify the site that best suits your requirements.
Answer the following questions and you will probably have a shortlist of sites that may work for you.
Answer these questions before you shortlist a matrimony site.
1. Would you prefer to interact with parents or with potential matches directly?
Most popular matrimony sites (Shaadi, Jeevansathi, Bharat Matrimony) have a large number of profiles created by parents. They do have profiles created and managed by prospective matches but you won’t find too many of them. If you want to directly interact with potential matches, you should look at the countless other sites that have sprung up in the recent past.
2. Are you very specific about marrying within your religion / caste / sub-caste?
Once again, the big three sites excel in helping you search within your community. You will also find regional / local sites that cater to specific communities (Example: Sai Sankara Matrimony in Chennai caters to the local Brahmin community).
3. Do you consider yourself “elite / high-net-worth individual”?
If you have a high-paying job or running a big business or you come from elite schools, you will find it difficult to meet someone who will meet your “standards” through traditional matrimony sites. You are better off taking the dating route or hire a matchmaker who specializes in providing services to rich / high-flying people.
4. Are you open to arranged dating before marriage?
Matrimony sites may not be the right option for you if you would like to date the person you shortlist before committing to marriage. You may have to look at other matchmaking options. Read on to find out.
Here is a list of online matrimony sites in India along with pricing information and customer reviews. Click here to read this in-depth article.
Finding love through online matrimony sites starts with finding a compatible person who meets all your basic expectations. You need to then really do that hard work before and after marriage if you have any hopes of converting finding true love.
Here is how online matrimony sites work.
1. Sign up to create your profile free of cost.
2. Complete your profile and upload a photograph.
3. Use the search feature to start searching for matching profiles.
Matrimony sites have mind-numbing search options!
4. Express Interest or send a message.
5. You will also receive notifications when other parents are interested.
6. Remember to also check out self-created profiles. You may be lucky to directly interact with a boy or girl. Don’t have your hopes high on this front.
Most profiles in matrimony sites are created by parents
Beware of these matrimony site pitfalls
There are several challenges you will face when you use matrimony sites.
First of all, you will be sold to at every turn to upgrade.
Matrimony sites want you to always upgrade to a premium service!
Sign up for the upgraded version only after checking out the free version.
Beware of con artists and charlatans using matrimony sites as their playground. Here is an extract from a recent news!
Con artists use matrimony sites to lure victims.
Finding love through dating sites in India
Young, tech-savvy men and women of India have easy access to smartphones, laptops, and other such easy-to-carry gadgets and they are always ‘connected’ and looking to try new things through trendy apps. Dating sites in India are capitalizing on this trend as young Indians in urban centers are hoping to find love online.
Here are three reasons that explain the phenomenal growth of dating sites in India.
1.Exposure to the culture of finding love before marriage: Westernization and greater exposure to the idea of not depending only on a chance meeting to fall in love have led to the growth of dating sites in India.
2. Increase in connectivity: The big jump in the smartphone usage (650 million in the next four years) along with mobile internet connections (354 million as of June 2015) has provided young Indians an opportunity to discretely find love away from the gaze of the families and with privacy.
3. International dating companies have opened shop: The entry of international dating apps like Tinder and the likelihood of other apps like Zoosk, OKCupid, Hinge, POF, and eHarmony entering the Indian market in the near future will see more marketing campaigns that will get more Indians to try the idea of finding love online.
There are plenty of local online dating apps and websites.
You can take a pick from many Indianised dating apps if you want to try your luck in finding love online. Truly Madly, Woo, Cogxio, Vee, are some of the dating applications in India.
Here is how most of them work.
1. Sign up.
2. Complete your profile.
3. Like people and wait for them to like back before getting connected.
Here is how Tinder works.
Dating sites make it easy for Indians to find love online.
Indian counterparts of Tinder have a more elaborate process to sign up and some of them place emphasis on validating profiles or use sophisticated matchmaking algorithms.
In addition to online dating, Indians in cities are finding love using dating / matchmaking services that provide a combination of online and offline services.
Sites like UrbanTryst (which seems to have gone out of business), Floh, and Aisle provide an opportunity to create your profile and declare your expectations. They then match you with prospective dates in a casual setting or a group date. These are organized by the service provider around fun activities with the hope that cupid will strike at least some of their members.
Here is how UrbanTryst explains the process.
Hybrid matchmaking service providers have an elaborate process.
Online dating – Gateway to nightmares?
All said and done, online dating in India (and elsewhere) is fraught with major issues. Here are some you should keep an eye out for.
1. Do you really know who you might be meeting? Manipulation of personal data on online dating platforms is one of the biggest concerns for women. There is no guarantee that a man with whom a woman is interacting has shared genuine information pertaining to his identity.
2. Beware of stalkers and ‘players’. Stalkers, spammers, and verbal abuses abound on dating sites. Real life stalking is also a possibility and many women have had to face unsavory incidents of stalkers turning up on their doorstep.
3. You can always sign up but you can never leave! After having explored the world of online dating for a while, if a woman wishes to exit, she may find that parting ways is pretty difficult. The removal of her account from the dating website doesn’t guarantee that her profile will be disabled.
4. No means yes? Men in India still have problems taking rejection in their stride. There are countless cases of acid attacks, kidnappings, and other forms of harassment that goes beyond stalking. Bollywood also has driven home the point that if you try hard, every woman that says “no” will end up saying “yes”!
Finding love through social media
According to a research conducted by a marketing firm, Indians use Facebook, Shaadi.com.and Twitter to find love online.
The study also reported that 35% of Indians surveyed in a study reported that they found love online.
Surveys apart, there are some real life stories of how social media brough people together. Here is an example of how Twitter brought together these love birds who eventually got married!
Real life story of a girl finding love through Twitter!
Facebook and Twitter are not the only fish when it comes to finding love online. Ever heard of Quora, a Q&A site? Finding love on Quora seems to be ridiculous, but Indians (who are one of the most active users of Quora) seem to have fallen in love with other Quora members!
Here is a story of a girl who found her husband on Quora.
A real life story of a girl who found her husband through Quora.
You can read more Quora love stories here.
Last, but not the least, Facebook has always resulted in connections that move beyond just being friends. Some of these love matches cut across international boundaries! Click here to read one such story of a woman from Orissa who married a Pakistani man, thanks to Facebook!
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Posted in Arranged Marriage, Dating, Love, Relationship
Tagged with: Arranged Marriage, dating, Finding love, India, Matrimony Sites
“Dating Indian men” is a touchy subject!
Just the phrase “Dating Indian Men” is enough for a tumult of reactions, much like shouting “Fire” in a crowded area.
Some people will run away to avoid getting into a discussion; Some will just stand and watch, the rest will have opinions ranging from “What brutes they are!” to “What misunderstood poor souls they are!” and everything in between; Some of us will go on a tangent with comments like “Why date? Just marry?” and “Against our ancient culture”, and of course, the inevitable “From Sita to Draupadi, the woman is the source of all problems, even with dating.”
There will also be quite a few declaring that the problem is not the Indian Men, it is the Indian Woman, leading the poor lamb on and abandoning him at the altar of parental approval.
We are going to mostly leave the women alone, ignore societal norms as far as possible and just focus on the good, bad and ugly aspects of dating Indian men. In the interest of leaving the page with a warm, fuzzy feeling after an enlightening read, let us just get the ugly out of the way first!
Dating Indian men: The ugly side
What are Indian men like when it comes to dating? Remember Harry Potter trying to get a date for the dance in “The Goblet of Fire”? No? Not a Fan? Well, uncomfortable he pitifully demands to know why girls always travel in packs.
Indian men are pack animals!
This is doubly true for Indian men, they have not quite evolved from the pack foraging stage of Gorillas. In fact, given the unshaven look preferred since Premam, you could be forgiven for thinking Gorillas have moved into Indian cities! They move around in groups – A gang is most apt, considering their collective behavior. They even cross the street as a gang! Isn’t that taking “One for all, all for one a little too far?”
A group of Indian men
The gang will produce a lot of background music, cat calls and snippets from popular songs, to accompany the poor sod’s clumsy attempts at asking you out on a date. Be assured every gesture, every word, every smile, every look of yours will be dissected, none too gently, once you are out of the picture. Of course, they will not accompany the “chosen one” on the date, but they will hover in the background.
Every attempt to continue the conversation post-date will be a competition for attention between the wolf-pack and you. You might even correctly surmise, the wolf pack is guiding the conversation at his end post date!
Ego and the Indian man are blood brothers
Every (He)Indian man thinks it is beneath his dignity to admit he actually wants to enjoy your company and wants to get to know you better or that you have other better options out there.
His ego and his gang insist he is God’s answer to you, if not all women kind.
I would say some 80% of potential romance with Indian men breaks down at this stage.
What are you doing?
If the romance continues, the next showing will be the light-green monster, the brother of jealousy (he is the dark green one), Mr. Possessiveness.
He will want an account of every second you are not together. He will want to know the composition of your friends groups, how many girls, how many boys, how many of them have hit on you, how many have you viewed favourably and so on and so forth. You get the picture, right?
What are your intentions or do you know his intention?
If you possess all the right qualities, the caste/creed/education/social strata his mother would approve of, he will decide you are the only one for him. You would have hardly had the time to draw a breath and settle into the comfortable and exciting “getting to know each other” phase of your relationship when he starts pushing for a lifetime warranty.
If you, justifiably, decide you need more time to get to know each other, you will find both he and his cronies are labeling you as “fast” and questioning your motives.
19% of romance fails at this point.
If you don’t possess all the right qualities? He is probably just looking for a final fling before settling down with mama’s choice.
One day soon, like Angela says, “He is going to come to you and say, “We don’t have a future together” and break it off. Before you invest too deeply in a relationship, find out where you stand!”
Can you put up an act?
Let us say, you are still on, now comes the final deal breaker. He wants you to meet his parents his siblings, his friends, his favorite teacher, practically everyone! But here is the nub: he wants you to impress everyone, for whom, he has the slightest regard or affection.
He wants you to suddenly become a chameleon, docile potential bride to his mother, cool indulgent brat to his siblings and cool sophisticate to his colleagues, an endless list really. All your “cute” traits – the somewhat loud laughter or your messy hair, become liabilities as you go about meeting his “people”.
I guess it is good to remember the advice the sage gave to the king, “This too shall pass!” If you can see past this nutty stage, you will go on to something more conventional, perhaps even beautiful.
Dating Indian men: The bad
One cannot in good conscience lay all the blame for the nightmare that is dating Indian men at the door of the man alone.
“What will the society say?”
Indian society at large is to blame for some of the tribulations in dating Indian men. This is the society where unrelated boys and girls hanging out in public on Valentines could be forcibly married!
The concept of dating does not exist here. Marriage exists and the marriage is between two families, not between two individuals. The head of the family decides who and when one should marry, keeping Patriarchy well and truly alive.
The net result? As Rishab Goel says, “Indian men have no clue about how to approach woman or talk to her or what makes her tick.”
Indian men ARE mama’s boy, how can they be anything else but? Remember how thrilled a mother is when the baby takes her first step? Well, the Indian mom carries it into adulthood. I have the best story to illustrate this.
A Chennai mom instructs a mom in Jaipur on the intricacies of making Idli/Sambhar for her son studying in Jaipur. The mom promptly makes a batch and delivers to him in his college. Similarly, the Chennai mom learns to make Ghatiya over the phone and delivers it to the Jaipuri son in Chennai.
I hope the current generation is somewhat nauseated by the advertisement but there were, undoubtedly, quite a few moms (with college age son(s)) who shed a few sentimental tears.
Been there, done that maxed out
The ultimate reason for all the tribulations in dating Indian men? The inherent cultural superiority complex in every Indian, especially male!
Nuclear weapons? We had it in Ramayana days, just read the book. Cure for cancer? Sushrutha had it, you just need to rediscover it. Any metal to gold? Please! How do you think the Sri Padmanabhaswamy temple acquired so much gold? It makes Indian men opinionated and insufferable especially when they are trying to establish what a great catch they are.
Dating Indian Men: The Good
Hey, if you are trying to find out about dating Indian men, you probably are looking for more than a fling, you want to find the ONE. Even according to the oracle of the modern days, Wikipedia, dating is a social construct for finding a suitable partner for marriage.
It’s a whole new world
The difficulties in the path to self-sufficiency in a new country or new city where they have found employment, Women colleagues performing parallel roles in software jobs, Advertisement like the one from Ariel #ShareTheLoad are making Indian men sit up and realize they need to do more than be a couch warmer at home.
Well-heeled and respectful
The cache of Indian men is increasing in the western countries too, they tend to be well educated, well employed, and stick to the centuries-old tradition of living within their means. As for the curse of being a mama’s boy, if he is nice to his mom, he is going to be just as nice and respectful to your mom and as the days progress, no?
He will certainly be nice to you too when you are a mom and you are battling your son/daughter over the zillion issues that befall motherhood. Unlike your in-laws, he will not think you are a devil for disciplining your child.
Equality is the new macho
Aswini Asokan’s husband famously stayed home when their first child was born while she continued to climb up the ladder at Intel. Now, they are co-founders of Mad Street Den, an Artificial Intelligence startup in India. Men, even Indian men, are increasingly viewing women as equal partners. And it is about time too, this, after all, is the land of Ardhanareeswaran.
As for the macho, I will take care of you attitude, why not? A little tender, loving care is good for the soul. The rest can always be trained away!
Dating Indian men and reeling the right one in!
Let us get down to the basics here ladies. We are biologically nesters. At the end of the day, we are in this game to find our mate and build our nest. You are also reading this here, in the Jodi Logik blog, because you are want to settle down, with the one. There are three steps to reeling your ONE in:
Step 1: Studying your prey
Look beyond the obvious things like looks, education, social strata. Can he make you laugh? Can he admit to being wrong? Does he make your friends feel comfortable? If yes, it is time to his is study the prey.
Identify his likes and dislikes and if you don’t share any, learn about a handful of his likes. As bad as it sounds, this is not being manipulative, it is really just trying to look through the other person’s glasses. Besides, it is always good to learn new things, acquire new skills.
My aunt learned a little about cricket after she was married to my uncle, an avid fan, and a decent player. 40 years later, they still watch matches together with a shared understanding of the nuances of the game.
Study his friends, Identify the close ones and get to know them better. Men are very good at retaining friendships, it is possible that you will remain close decades from now. Identify his favorite movies, books and music. They may not match your tastes, but they will provide a deeper insight into his character.
Step 2: Prepare your bait
Now that you have studies your prey quite well, it is time to prepare the bait. Share him very generously with his friends, even hang out with his closest ones.
Show a nuanced understanding of his books and his movies. If all he likes is “Gravitational Waves” at least be prepared with Sadhguru’s response to the concept of time and space!
Definitely share your passions. It is ideal to establish your own individuality from the get go, not down the road. Go out with friends to the mall and do both, arcade games and shopping. Head out to beaches and places with adventure sports as a group.
Step 3: Reel them in
You thought I would talk about reeling in the guy, right? Reeling the guy is easy-peasy, it is the mother and other relatives who pose a challenge!
You want your future MIL to think you are the ideal catch for her darling baby, not just accept you as her son’s choice. For this one relative, subterfuge is OK. Every mom starts as the center of her son’s life. Slowly as the child gets older, she moves to the periphery of his life until at some point it feels like she has no connection with him at all!
Daughters realize mom’s worth better when they enter the same phase of life. It is just good Karma to please the future MIL. Besides, it earns you a lifetime of brownie points.
Meet the siblings and close cousins first, preferably amongst friends. They can help you figure out what she would like, dress sense food, and general behavior. Then, finally, meet her in a public setting as just a group of friends getting together for some real or concocted reason and wow her.
Step 4: After that? It is Wedding Wishlist!
Don’t forget the basics when dating Indian men!
But first, get your head out of the clouds, and prepare for the tribulations of dating. After all, you will find the diamond only in the rough! Any sensible woman should do the following when going on a date for the first time.
1. Do anything that’s acceptable to you. Draw a clear line about what you will do or what you won’t and always stick to your guns.
2. Do dress attractively. Don’t dress provocatively.
3. Do have your cell phone with you on dates, charged and GPS on. don’t give your friends a running commentary during the date.
4. Don’t give your friends a running commentary during the date!
5. Do meet in public places, don’t meet in a bar.
6. Do be romantic, don’t indulge in public displays of affection.
7. Do go out with his friends, don’t go out with a group of just his male friends.
8. Be prepared for the vagaries of the weather and the volatile conditions in Indian cities, where a bandh might break out at any moment for any reason.
9. Always make sure someone knows where you are and how to get to you.
Be alert, be safe, and enjoy dating Indian men!
Other Posts About Dating
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Posted in Dating, Relationship
Tagged with: dating, Indian Men, Relationships
Dating spots in Chennai are awesome indeed!
Chennai is widely perceived as a ‘conservative’ city and dating is still a new concept in Chennai. However, things are changing rapidly!
Young men and women in Chennai are trying their luck through dating apps and there are plenty of apps to choose from. People relocating to Chennai from other cities as well as expats working for the many multinational companies may find things difficult when it comes to even choosing the right place to go on a date. Fear not, Chennai is packed with awesome places to go on a date. Here is why dating spots in Chennai are awesome!
People relocating to Chennai from other cities as well as expats working for the many multinational companies may find things difficult when it comes to even choosing the right place to go on a date. Fear not, Chennai is packed with awesome places to go on a date. Here is why dating spots in Chennai are awesome!
Fear not, Chennai is packed with awesome places to go on a date. Here is why dating spots in Chennai are awesome!
Here is why dating spots in Chennai are awesome!
- Chennai is blessed with a coastline with acres of beaches!
- Chennai’s warm weather makes it an ideal outdoor place.
- Chennai has a long list of amusement parks and resorts that dot its coastline.
- There is no dearth of restaurants and hangout spots no matter what your budget is.
- There are truly unique towns and trendy places to check out in and around Chennai.
We have picked the 17 best dating spots in Chennai for a perfect date! Here is the list.
1. Theosophical Society
This is a great place if you are a nature lover. Lots of greenery and trees to “get lost” from the prying crowds! The drawback is that it is open only for limited hours during the day. Entry is free and you need to park somewhere outside. This place is by far the best among all the dating spots in Chennai if you can stay on top of when they keep the park open!
Binh Huynh / Flickr
Marina is the oldest and a well-known spot for cozying up with your love interest. The only disadvantage is that you can never get away from the hawkers selling “sundal” (steamed legumes with Indian spices and coconut). Be wary of the cultural police or sometimes cops out to enforce Indian traditions.
Elliot beach is supposed to be less crowded compared to Marina beach, this location has also caught up in terms of the number of visitors. A slightly upmarket crowd compared to Marina beach. Watch out for elderly couples and men looking out to enforce Indian traditions and culture.
3. Besant Nagar
R Shivaji Rao
Besant Nagar is a residential place adjoining the Elliot’s beach. There are plenty of restaurants catering to every budget. In addition, there are coffee shops and ice cream places if you would like to keep it simple on a first date. The advantage of Besant Nagar is that you can combine a visit to Elliot’s beach with a dinner date or just stroll along the tree-lined avenues. Some streets are more crowded than others. The funny thing is even in secluded streets, you will find security guards sitting outside the gates of the palatial homes they are supposed to be guarding!
DakshinaChitra is also located on the East Coast road adjoining the sea. This is a mini Disneyland for South Indian culture and lifestyle. You have replicas of different styles of homes from south India, art and even artists selling their wares. A great place to discover culture in a serene and calm surrounding! DakshinChitra will give you both plenty of opportunity to bond in the midst of exquisite art and architecture.
5. Amethyst Cafe
Chennai has its share of chic and trendy cafes that provide a great setting for a date. The Amethyst Cafe in the heart of the city is an oasis of greenery that not only serves food but also sells cool stuff from leading fashion designers in India. They even have a flower shop! This is an ideal place to take your date and spend a few hours forgetting the fact that you are in Chennai!
6. Cholamandal Artists Village
As the name suggests, this is an artist village also located not far from Dakshin Chitra. You will find plenty of artwork here and the entry fee is also practically free. There is free parking to boot. However, this place is heaven only for the art lover. If both of you are not into art, you will be in and out in a jiffy. A great place to show off your artistic knowledge.
How about some boating to get some alone time? Actually, you may not be all that alone as there will be other boats around you. But if you are adventurous, you can hire the aqua scooters and zip around the lake that is connected to the Bay of Bengal. A couple of hours at Muttukadu can get you hungry before you head out for lunch or dinner. Remember to avoid boating during the hot summer.
8. Pulicat Lake
This is the second largest brackish water lake in India and has a bird sanctuary. Get yourself a pair of binoculars if you would like to watch birds! Make sure you pack some food and water as there aren’t any restaurants in this area. You can hire a boat from the local fishermen and enjoy the sunset while enjoying the boat ride.
9. Surfing Lessons in Covelong
There is no better way to break the ice and know your date intimately by taking up a challenging task together. There are a couple of surf schools in Covelong (a short drive from Chennai) that offer short courses for beginners as well as advanced multi-day courses. They are not cheap (upwards of Rs.1000) but is well worth the time! Check out their websites – here and here.
“Stone Carvings at Mahabalipuram” by Gowrishanker – Own work.
Mahabalipuram is a short drive from Chennai on the way to Pondicherry. Here is a great description of what you will find here. It has a group of sanctuaries, which was carved out of rock along the Coromandel coast in the 7th and 8th centuries : rathas (temples in the form of chariots),mandapas (cave sanctuaries), giant open-air rock reliefs such as the famous Descent of the Ganges, and the Shore Temple, with thousands of sculptures to the glory of Shiva. The Group of Monuments at Mahabalipuram has been classified as a UNESCO World Heritage Site.
11. Taj Fisherman’s Cove
The legendary Fisherman’s Cove is not for the budget-minded couple! If you have deep pockets, then look no further than the Fisherman’s Cove. There are world-class restaurants that serve you amazing food on the beach and to top it all, there are live shows. Because this is a private resort, you will have acres of clean beach all for yourself.
12. Sport Fishing
Via Barracuda Bay
Sport fishing is a great option for an exciting and adventurous date! There are a couple of companies that offer sport fishing trips. They have modern boats and all the accessories you will need and they will also arrange light snacks for you on the high seas if you book in advance. You can book 2-hour or even 8-hour trips depending on how serious you are with fishing. A 2-hour boat ride and fishing should be good enough for a date though. Beware of sea sickness! If you are both adventurous, sport fishing in Chennai is a must! Among the best dating spots in Chennai if you enjoy the adrenaline rush.
13. St. Thomas Mount
This is a great place for a date if the two of you have tucked in a heavy meal at a restaurant and you want to continue the date and at the same time burn some calories! Located close to the airport, St Thomas Mount has a church on top. You can take the stairs for a nice workout and once you get up the hill soak in the views of Chennai or enjoy the beautiful sunset! You should count St. Thomas Mount among the best dating spots in Chennai if all you want is a heart to heart conversation.
14. Egmore Museum
The Egmore Museum is at the heart of the city and is a great place to get away from the crowds! During the weekday, you will have plenty of privacy to admire art and also get to know your date. The entry fee is next to nothing. Avoid going there on hot days as the air conditioning at the museum is not up to the job! The Egmore museum will count among the best dating spots in Chennai as it is close to a huge selection of restaurants at a walkable distance in case you have to take a break.
15. Anna Zoological Park
“VandalurZoo 18Aug2012 EntranceFountain” by Rasnaboy
This is closer to Tambaram, a suburb along the Grand Trunk Road which is a National Highway that takes you to South Tamil Nadu. You will have plenty of space to walk around the zoo or even hire rickety bicycles to check out the vast zoo. If you ignore the rather poor facilities (read clean toilets and lack of proper restaurants), it’s a great place to talk and get to know someone. The entry fee is affordable (Rs.30 per person) and you will be asked to pay Rs.25 if you are carrying a camera or a mobile phone that has a camera.
16. Amusement Parks
There are plenty of amusement parks in Chennai along the coast as well as along the Chennai – Bangalore highway. They are not comparable to the Disney Worlds or Universal Kingdoms of the world. However, they provide a convenient place to just chill out, spend some quality time together, and if you are done talking, enjoy some of the rides. Queens Land, VGP Universal Kingdom, MGM Dizee World, and Kishkinta are some of the popular amusement parks. The entry fee could range from upwards of Rs.200 per person.
17. Malls and Multiplexes
Interestingly, Chennai was once the retail capital of India and still continues to be a leading center for retail businesses. The mall culture came to Chennai way back in the 1990s with the Spencer Plaza opening its door. While Spencer Plaza now resembles an abandoned relic, the mall culture in Chennai has gained a lot of traction with mega malls like Express Avenue and Phoenix Market City. These malls boast international restaurant chains and world class multiplexes and are by far the most pleasant dating spots in Chennai with air-conditioned comfort! Not a bad idea if you have a date during the weekday.
Do you have suggestions on dating spots in Chennai? Share it in the comments section below!
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Posted in Dating, Relationship
Tagged with: Chennai, dating, Love, Valentine's Day
Dating Indian Women – Possibilities & Challenges
Dating Indian women remain one of the great unsolved mysteries of the world! If you are an Indian man or just someone that fancies an Indian woman, you have a treacherous path ahead of you if you are blind to India’s cultural background, societal pressures, and the chaos caused by the confluence of age-old traditions and modern fads.
If you are an Indian man or just someone that fancies dating Indian women, you have a treacherous path ahead of you if you are blind to India’s cultural background, societal pressures, and the chaos caused by the confluence of age-old traditions and modern fads.
Dating is a relatively new concept in India but it has caught on like wildfire. Recently, Tinder announced its India operations. Here is what the head of Tinder’s Indian business, Taru Kapoor, had to say about the dating market in India
India is already the second-largest market for Facebook. It is among the top three markets for most global social networks or, is at least, getting there. The number of young people coming online especially on the mobile phone for the first time is gigantic.
Suddenly, the forces of modernity are unleashing immense possibilities for desperate Indian men that want to interact with Indian women without the sword of marriage dangling on their heads. However, there are several challenges that men face when dating women in India. Here are a few.
1. Parents want to know every move their daughters make.
2. Dating apps have a creepiness factor for Indian women.
3. Enforcers of “Indian moral values” can show up anytime to enforce ‘decency’
4, There are limited public spaces to approach a woman in India.
5. A deeply conservative society that considers dating as an alien idea.
Unless and until men have a nuanced understanding of these factors, they will find dating Indian women to be a miserable experience.
Tips on approaching Indian women for dating
Here are the 15 tips every Indian man with hopes of dating Indian women should know about.
1. Do pickup lines work in India?
There is no ‘official data’ on whether pickup lines work in India! The general wisdom we have gleaned after scouring the Internet is that there is a very slim chance of pickup lines working in India unless you are a celebrity! So ditch the pickup lines. You can certainly approach random women in India, but make sure she is with her friends or alone in a public setting such as a mall. Any other scenario can get you into trouble.
2. Earn their trust
The best bet for you to ask an Indian woman for a date would be to pick one from your network of friends. In other words, if you have met her before in a casual social setting (such as when you are with your friends), it becomes easier to ask a woman out for a date. This approach will work better as you are a known “devil” and not some random guy that popped up all of a sudden. Women in India are harassed a lot by random men in public spaces and are prone to looking at your moves with suspicion.
Here is a useful tip from an Indian woman.
3. Sign up with dating sites
If you are someone that doesn’t have a friends network or all alone is a big city, fear not. Sign up with Indian dating sites to try your luck. Dating sites have seen a lot of traction in the market in the last couple of years and there are apps like Tinder, Woo, TrulyMadly, iCrushiFlush, Vee to name a few. Tinder alone has over 7.5 Million swipes in India every day!
4. Focus on shared interests
Here is an approach that will work for you provided you are willing to put in the effort. Just do what you do with passion and try to find similar groups of people that love what you do! Here is an example, if you love volunteering for a social cause, join a group that does just that. Who knows you may find a date or even your soulmate. There is even a site that tells you how you can find someone to date on Twitter by just doing your thing!
5. Get used to rejection
Here is a comprehensive article from Psychology Today to help you handle dating rejections! You should bookmark this page and we have good reasons for it.
The sex ratio in India is messed up completely. The average sex ratio in India is 908 females for every 1000 males. Indian men are at a disadvantage and have to ‘compete’ with other men for the limited group of eligible females. Invariably, if you are approaching women in India for dating, you will be rejected a lot. Just don’t give up hope and keep trying! The same is true with dating sites in India where the acceptance rate for Indian men is very low.
6. Dealing with Indian parents
Indian parents are involved in their children’s lives till they die! There is a reason why Indians still have joint families and married couples live with the parents (usually the man’s parents). They want to keep tabs on every move their daughter makes. Their concern is justified because of the harassment that women in India have to deal with in public spaces.
When you are dating someone, you are bound to meet the woman’s parents and they WILL evaluate you as a prospective son-in-law even if you have had only a few dates. Our recommendation will be to avoid meeting the parents till you know the relationship has a future.
7. Dealing with the moral brigade
Jayanta Shaw / Reuters
The ‘moral brigade’ is everywhere in India. It could just be an overzealous samaritan or a bunch of goons from a local political party that wants to enforce its version of Indian culture!
Every year, Valentine’s Day in India generates a lot of news stories of goons forcibly separating couples or even thrashing them. Zelous cops also get into the act even in big cities like the recent raid on a hotel that had become a go-to place for couples looking for a private space! Just be aware of what’s happening around you and avoid taking your date to places known as couple’s hangout spots.
8. Stigma associated with dating Indian women
Unlike western countries, where even underaged kids go on a date and have prom dances at school, there is no concept of casual relationships in India. Dating Indian women is challenging because once a woman is seen in the company of a man, she is considered to be impure and not an ideal material for marriage!
Even a casual meeting can get tongues wagging! This attitude creates a mental barrier in the minds of women when it comes to dating. You will often find that women cover their faces even when they are with their boyfriends!
9. What is your intention?
Make sure you know your own intentions before dating. If you just want to have a casual relationship or even a short term fling, apps like Tinder work well. However, if you are interested in a long term relationship that will culminate in a marriage, you need to look at other apps or look within your network to find someone who can appreciate your personality and shares a chemistry. It’s OK not to have ‘commitment’ in your mind when you are dating Indian women. But, make sure she knows your intent.
10. PDA or not?
India doesn’t like a public display of affection (PDA) and this is true even in big cities. However, chances are you will get away with PDA in a big city while it is a big issue in a small town or a village.
The law regarding obscene behaviour in India also states that the ‘community standards‘ should be taken into consideration to determine if the act is obscene or not. But no one really defined community standard and it varies from place to place! To be on the safe side, no PDA when dating women in India.
11. Sense of humour
Women love men with a sense of humour. Just look around. The most popular guy in a class is someone with a great sense of humour. It’s true in all walks of life. Scientific studies have shown that men with a great sense of humour also demonstrate greater intelligence and hence attract women! Here is an interesting article that lists 10 tips to help you attract women with humour.
12. Conversational skills
Men who have the guts and the charm to ask women out for a date fall flat when it comes to conversational skills. It’s just not conversational skills alone, it’s the ability to connect and communicate with women that seem to be missing in men. Dr. Tom Stevens of California State University has published a comprehensive guide on this topic if you would like to improve your conversational skills for dating.
13. Get rid of these habits
If you have to impress an Indian woman on the first date, make sure you get rid of these habits:
– Use a deodorant, but don’t take a bath with your cologne.
– Don’t bite your nails.
– Don’t dig your nose or your ears.
– Don’t stare at the woman’s breasts.
Sometimes, all you need is common sense to be successful in relationships.
14. Choosing the right places
Make sure you pick a nice place, free from prying eyes, to go on a date. Having loads of money to afford fancy restaurants will be a definite advantage. However, you can also think of unconventional places that couples typically give a miss. For example, consider going to a bookstore where the two of you can bond over books, or maybe join a fitness club or even a cooking class.
The idea here is to not be one among the hundreds of secretive couples in parks and beaches and worry about who is going to bump into the two of you together.
15. Lose your desperation
Desperate men are a big turn-off for Indian women. If you are an Indian woman, you will find men of all sizes and shapes doing their best to catch your attention. Most of them will ogle at you, some of them will try to grope you and many of them think that you deserve to be raped because you came out after dark!
That’s not all, Indian women have to deal with out of the blue, Facebook friend requests from men that they have never met in their lives! Don’t show your desperation when you are dating Indian women. Take it easy and let the relationship develop naturally.
What about Indian women dating white men?
If you are a white male looking to date an Indian woman, things can get really strange depending on where you live. In India though, you are in demand!
Meeting Indian women through dating sites in India such as Tinder is apparently easy.
As early as in 2011, Times of India reported that more and more women in Bangalore seem to be dating and marrying caucasian men. Here is a snippet from the article.
Entrepreneur Payal Shah, who is married to an Irishman, says, “I knew my husband even before we began dating. We dated for three years before we got married four years ago,” says Payal.
And how different is her husband from anybody here? Payal replies, “Western men are more open. Indian men can get very picky about the gender roles in the Indian milieu and often expect their wives and girlfriends to toe the line.”
In fact, this GQ article in 2015 also reflected a white bias among Indian women on Tinder. The article is a first-hand account of a caucasian who created a Tinder profile and never had any trouble finding Indian women looking for white men.
So if you are a white man who chooses to meet Indian women looking for a date, you are in luck!
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Posted in Dating
Tagged with: dating, India
What do men want from women? Don’t believe in stereotypes!
Men are the most misunderstood creatures. This misunderstanding also influences what you believe you know when it comes to answering the question – what do men want from women?
You might think you have figured out how men think based on what you see around you, but you are probably wrong. Both men and women are victims of gender stereotypes. Here are some examples of assumptions people make about men:
Men are supposed to be successful in everything they do.
Men cannot cry, no matter what happens.
Men are supposed to be the breadwinner of the family.
Men cannot communicate or express their emotions.
Well, these assumptions are just stereotypes painted by the media and cultural practices. Men are guilty of believing in these stereotypes and reinforcing them by acting in such a way that it fits the profile of what everybody believes a man should do. These biases also skew our understanding of what do men want from women.
We are not making this statement just to shock women and men. We have strong proof to back our claim.
Men are no different than women!
Janet Shibley Hyde, Ph.D., of the University of Wisconsin in Madison, concluded through her research that men and women are more alike than different based on a study that spanned two decades. Her paper, “The Gender Similarities Hypothesis” concluded that oversimplification of what we know about men causes problems in our relationship.
In this report, men and women were asked to respond to stressful situations while being told that their gender will not be revealed. Surprisingly, most men reacted less aggressively while women reacted more aggressively! This proves that if we are not self-conscious about our gender, our behavior is different!
The study also found that differences between men and women are not the same all the time. It varies based on the age and the stage in our lives which once again points to perceived role differences between men and women influencing how men behave. The fundamental premise for the question – “what do men want from women?” assumes that men are vastly different from women. This fundamental assumption is wrong!
How societies think about male and female roles
Target is a large retail chain in North America. They have products for everyone and for all ages. One customer tweeted this photograph (see below) and it went viral.
The customer was protesting at the practice of calling out “girl’s building set” implying that boys and girls prefer a different type of building set. Target reacted by phasing out separate boys and girls toys sections in their stores and making it gender neutral.
This is an example of how gender differences are reinforced by society and how things can change for the better. The gradual realization that men and women are alike should eventually make the question – “what do men want from women?” irrelevant. The question should always be “what does anyone want from a marriage or a relationship?”.
Stay at home dad?
Shelly Walia is an arts and culture journalist who writes about Bollywood, gender identity issues, Indian start-ups and entrepreneurs, and technology. She is a reporter for Quartz. One of her articles talks about the stay at home dad from Pune.
Atul Agnihotri is a 49-year-old stay at home dad from Pune. He is the “house husband” and his wife is the sole breadwinner in the family. Here is a picture of Atul Agnihotri and his family along with Aamir Khan.
Here is what he told Quartz about his life and his choice as a homemaker.
I finished my bachelor’s degree in production engineering from Pune University in 1988. Soon after, I started work and continued for five years. In 1993, I was married to Arundhati, my wife, who hails from Ahmednagar, a small town 60 miles from Pune. The following year, we had our daughter, Mrunmayee.
At the time, my father was bedridden. All of us lived in a small house, and being the eldest son, I started feeling very pressured. Nobody had forced me, but I knew I needed to arrange the money for his treatment, give my wife a better life by moving to a bigger house, and so forth.
I was all of 23.
My father’s health deteriorated. Matters went from bad to worse, and I started feeling helpless but found hope in alcohol. I started drinking sometimes. As my obligations increased over the next two years, I started drinking round-the-clock. I was out of control.
One of the darkest periods of my life was the day my father died. It was in 1996, and I wasn’t in my senses to perform the last rites. Somebody held my hand, somebody else supported me to stand on my feet, so that I could light the pyre. That day should have never come. I have no memory of seeing him for the last time.
My wife, though, was not easy to defeat. She—and she alone—took the step of taking her addicted husband to Muktangan, a residential rehabilitation center in Pune. I had troubled her deeply, but she stood by me.
As the procedure is, I was admitted for 35 days to break the cycle of alcohol and overcome addiction.
My wife was familiar with the recovery program. She wanted to be careful that there were no chances of a relapse. So, she offered me a solution: I could look after the house while she supported the family with her income.
I readily accepted her offer and today, I haven’t touched alcohol in 17 years. This inspired me to become an active social worker at the rehabilitation center. In fact, it was through Muktangan and a few media publications where I have been interviewed earlier, that Satyamev Jayate came across my name.
At the time, my daughter was very young. I gave her all my time. I would cook for her; drop her to school, the playground, tuitions, everything. And I think the upbringing has had a very positive impact on her. Today, she wants to be a social worker, and I am very happy with her decision.
Growing up, I had seen my mother toiling hard. I used to help her a lot—with cooking and cleaning—but I also knew her contribution to our family wasn’t ever acknowledged. Every day, she would make a rangoli at the doorstep of our small house. Nobody would ever see it or appreciate it. But her kindness, her selflessness, deeply impacted me.
In India, we correlate how much we work with the income the person earns. So if I don’t bring a paycheck home, then I am not doing anything.
You can read the rest of the story here.
The moral of this story is, yes, Indian men can be nurturing and are quite capable of running the household provided we give them an opportunity and treat men inclined to household work with disdain! This story also takes away the implied mystery behind the question – “what do men want from women?”.
What do men want from women and everybody else during weddings!
Here is the interesting infographics on what do men want from women and others during a wedding. Get ready to be surprised!
Now that we have proved that what we know about men and how they think is probably biased, let’s look at conclusively answering the question – What do men want from women?
Experts reveal the secrets!
We decided to examine results of numerous studies in different parts of the world to find out what do men want from women. As we had indicated, these studies go against the common understanding of how men behave (read “how should men behave”).
1. Men want commitment when women are scarce
By Ryan Schacht
University of Utah anthropologist, Ryan Schacht and anthropology professor Monique Borgerhoff Mulder from the University of California, Davis were on a quest to find an answer to the question – what do men want from women. They conducted an interesting study on men and women in of the Makushi people in the Guyana (South American country). Here is an interesting tidbit – Leading cricket players like Carl Hooper, Clive Llyod played for Guyana!
When we think of the number of men and women, we will agree with one conclusion. When there are more men compared to that of women in a population, men are likely to fight with one another to pair with the limited number of females. But the researchers came to a diametrically opposite conclusion.
Here is one of the conclusions they drew from their research to find an answer to the question – ‘what do men want women?”.
Makushi men are more likely to want committed relationships when there are fewer women available, regardless of age!
According to Ryan,
“Our data suggest the opposite: when there are more men, this is when they are more interested in settling into a committed, long-term relationship. When women are difficult to find, a man should attempt to attract and maintain a single partner and not fight with other males – it’s not what women want.“
The law of supply and demand (sounds very impersonal and crude!) comes into play when it comes to answering the question “what do men want from women?”.
2. Men are more likely to remarry when compared to women
In a 2013 study by Pew Research that covered adult population in the United States, four in ten couples are getting remarried in the US. About 42 million people in the US remarried as per the 2013 data while it was 22 million in 1980. Here are some additional interesting data and possible conclusions based on this survey.
It was found that men tend to remarry much more than the woman. Let’s look at the numbers as provided by Pew.
Here are some possible reasons for why men tend to remarry more than that of women.
Men seem to desire more for fulfilling relationships as life expectancies have steadily grown. We have more time to live and are determined to have a great relationship.Clearly, the role of women as the “caretaker” of men and family may have lead to the lower incidence of remarriage of women! They don’t want to care for men the second time and lose their freedom!
This data once again overturns yet another stereotype about men being cowboys that prefer a carefree life and shy away from commitment! Somebody said, “once bitten, twice shy” but this idiom seems to be applicable more to women than men. Men that have gone through a failed relationship actually want to give it another shot. Here is one answer to “What do men want from women” – more women!
3. Men are attracted to the color ‘red’
CLINICAL & SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY
In an interesting study, men were told that they have $100 to spend on a date. They were then shown photographs of women wearing different colored dresses. Now they were asked how much money would they spend on a date with each of these women shown them. The study results showed that men elected to spend more money on women wearing red clothes when compared to women sporting any other color! Not only that, men found that women wearing red to be more attractive as well.
According to this article from the university of Rochester,
“Although this aphrodisiacal effect of red may be a product of societal conditioning alone, the authors argue that men’s response to red more likely stems from deeper biological roots. Research has shown that nonhuman male primates are particularly attracted to females displaying red. Female baboons and chimpanzees, for example, redden conspicuously when nearing ovulation, sending a clear sexual signal designed to attract males.”
Research has shown that nonhuman male primates are particularly attracted to females displaying red. Female baboons and chimpanzees, for example, redden conspicuously when nearing ovulation, sending a clear sexual signal designed to attract males.”
In summary, there are some biological preferences that hold strong among men in spite of evolution. A simple takeaway to the question “what do men want from women?” is a woman in red!
As a woman, you can use this information to your advantage. We are not recommending you actively manipulate men based on their weakness for the red color!
4. Men try hard to be funny
Several studies have shown that men try to be funny much more than women. Let’s look at one of the studies.
Dr. Laura Mickes tried to be funny in her lectures hoping to win over her students with wit and humor. But when the students turned in their ratings, she was shocked to note that her ratings weren’t all that great!
She then conducted a study that involved 32 students writing captions for 20 New Yorker cartoons. The captions were then rated by another set of people. The outcome was men were only slightly funnier when compared to women! According to this article from The Atlantic, that analyzed Dr. Mickes’ studies,
Men wrote some of the best jokes, but they also used more profanity and sexual humor, and those jokes weren’t rated very funny. If men were truly the funnier sex, though, wouldn’t they be more consistently funny?
In another study, Dr. Mickes gave some random words to a group of men and women and asked them to write anything that involved the random words. The men in this study wrote funny paragraphs involving these words while the women were more creative and serious with their writing. Then she asked a group of men and women to write funny paragraphs using the same random words to see if men produced funnier paragraphs. The result was a tie in this case.
So what do we learn from these experiments – Men try harder than women to be funny!
So why do men try to joke around more than women?
Women always preferred smart men as this has an evolutionary significance. Smart men tend to have good genes, they are skillful and successful in what they do. Their social standing is better. Partnering with smart men gives women a greater chance of raising a successful family.
Being funny and cracking jokes that a lot of people like is a sign of smartness. Cracking jokes require an ability to empathize with others and required a greater power of observation and creativity in looking at mundane things from a different perspective.
In summary, men are trying to demonstrate to the world that they are smart by trying to be funny. This is one way of attracting adulation and women! So what do men what from women? Actually, they want women that can appreciate a good joke and not necessarily crack jokes!
5. You can’t be just friends with a man
Can men be just friends with women? Men and women interact a lot at work and elsewhere. Most of these interactions are non-romantic and it’s easy to assume (mostly by women) that you can just be a friend with a man. But men have difficulty in maintaining a strictly platonic relationship.
Scientific American has reported details of a study that that explore this topic in-depth.
88 pairs of undergraduate opposite-sex friends were asked a series of questions related to his or her romantic feelings (or lack thereof) toward the friend with whom they were taking the study. The study result was as expected. Men assumed there was a mutual attraction with their female friends much more than what the women agreed.
On the other hand, women assumed men were just friends and that men also think the same about their friendship. In summary, men overestimated the level of attraction they thought women had for them.
- Men assumed there was a mutual attraction with their female friends much more than what the women agreed. On the other hand, women assumed men were just friends and that men also think the same about their friendship. In summary, men overestimated the level of attraction they thought women had for them.
- Men were also inclined to have a romantic relationship with female friends that were already in another relationship with! Women, predictably, wanted to steer clear of men who are already in a relationship.
- Men were also like to say that “getting into a romantic relationship” was an advantage of having a female friend while women are more likely list this as a disadvantage!
So if you are a woman, remember that men are always looking to justify their assumption that their women friends are romantically attracted. Touching them, revealing personal problems, or any other form of closer interaction will lead men to assume that women are romantically inclined. It appears when we look at the question “what do men want from women”, it’s mostly a romantic relationship as men are constantly looking for imaginary signs that tell them if a woman is attracted to them.
It appears when we look at the question “what do men want from women”, it’s mostly a romantic relationship as men are constantly looking for imaginary signs that tell them if a woman is attracted to them.
6. Men prefer intelligent women
According to professor David Bainbridge from the Cambridge University, men tend to prefer women who are intelligent. It is instinctively understood that intelligent women can produce intelligent children or raise children properly.
Men actually don’t care about the breast size or long legs. Symmetrical body features are considered normal and attractive. Any other understanding of what a beautiful and attractive women should look like is a product of popular media and cinema.
But women with curvaceous features are more attractive to men. This has an evolutionary reason as well.
According to this article from The Telegraph,
Men do like women to be curvaceous with voluptuous thighs and bottoms, and a waist that is much slimmer than their hips. Carrying a bit more weight on the thighs and the bottom suggests that a woman has stored enough fat during puberty to adequately provide for the huge requirements of a growing baby.
In fact the development of babies’ brains relies on fat supplies stripped directly from their mothers’ thighs and bottoms, especially during breastfeeding, and that the quantity of such fat supplies may directly affect a child’s intelligence and chances of survival.
Clearly, the answer to the question – “what do men want from women?” also includes an ability to bear healthy children that can propagate their genes.
Our verdict on – What do men want from women?
What do men want from women seems like a simple question to answer. Our instinctive response to this question is “men want to drink, have sex, and lead a carefree life.” But, that’s not true always.
We have seen how some common myths that men cannot stay at home, men run away from commitment or relationships and other popular misconceptions have been proved wrong.
Experts have also provided evidence for certain behavior such as men’s preference for curvaceous women and their inability to stay just friends with women.
We can safely conclude that making broad assumptions about men and what they like is not a great strategy when it comes to relationships and marriages.
If you are a prospective bride looking for a groom, insights about “what do men want from women” can be put to good use. Here are simple tips that can help you in your search.
Pay attention to what you are wearing in your matrimony profile photograph.
Laugh if your prospective match cracks a joke. The least you can do is not to embarrass him! At the least you know he is interested in you.
We hope this article gives you new insights about the question “what do men want from women”. Do you think there are other facts about men’s behavior that deserves a mention? Share your thoughts and insights by adding your comments.
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Posted in Marriage, Relationship
Tagged with: dating, Family, Love, Marriage, men, relationship, Women
Why you need contemporary arranged marriage first meeting tips?
If you are an Indian, and you don’t have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, you will probably be dragged into a arranged marriage set up. One fine day, you will also be shown a photograph of a prospective match. Your initial protests about not being ready for marriage cannot go on forever. Invariably there will be signs that will push you to accept the inevitable i.e you are destined for an arranged marriage and you probably need help to figure out how to judge a guy in arranged marriage or what to talk in the first meeting for arranged marriage.
This is when you will give your right arm to get your hands (or what’s left) on arranged marriage first meeting tips!
Does this describe you? Then read on.
A cursory Google search on “arranged marriage first meeting tips” will throw up a whole bunch of stale and well-known information that’s beaten to death already.
We believe arranged marriage first meeting tips should be for the contemporary Indian women and men and not for generations from the past! So we decided to take a completely different view for providing contextually and culturally relevant arranged marriage first meeting tips.
Our tips are based on arranged marriage first meeting exprience from real people. We did not stop there. We picked out important advice from dating experts as well! Yes, you heard it right.
So, here is a comprehensive list of arranged marriage first meeting tips that are based on practical wisdom as well as from dating and relationship experts. Let’s get cracking.
Arranged marriage first meeting tips from the street
Let’s look at what real people think about the dos and don’ts of arranged marriage first meetings with parents. This is not the pseudo-wisdom spewed by bloggers on Buzzfeed! Hence, the emphasis is on “real people”.
1. In my family, it is a convention to fix the first girl whom you formally meet in an arranged marriage setting. This is because the process is emotionally draining and you don’t want to go into the process and say no. It is somewhat analogous to a Ph.D. defense – you don’t go into the final meeting process unless you are quite sure of the success.
2. Do your due diligence on the prospects. Use Facebook profile research, Google search, friend networks, family networks and every other tool you could think of, to know about the prospect, in depth. Try to draw you own personal map of the person and see if you can move with such a person. Try to be as unemotional as possible, in this step.
3. In the 15-20 minutes you spend with the person, try to see if this is the person you can live with. Try to use your intuition and ask what the heart tells you. Cut out the brain, as you have done your diligence in point 2. Find out if you strike a bond with the other person. Find out if there is an emotional link. You can ask anything you like – a movie, a food or anything you assume the person might also like.
AJ Shama says “Don’t listen to elders”
I was arrange married 12 years ago. I met like 7 girls, for like on an average 30 min or so. I did prepare before the meeting, what will I say and what question I will ask, similar to some of the respondents. While I did not maintain excel sheet, I did capture notes later on. Most of the girls’ parents responded to my matrimonial ad. Being from top engineering school with a good job in India helped, but only so far.
Did it work for me, well No. Marriage soured few years later and still on rocks. In hindsight, it wasn’t a right approach to the most important decision of the life. My ultimate decision was based on the recommendation from elders in my family, her education, job prospects and availability of time for family and children in future (she was in teaching). One of the elders liked the match due to physical appearance compatibility e.g. how we will look in a photo together (bad idea).
Anonymous woman says we dated in an arranged marriage setting!
I met one guy at home for the first time. We talked for around one hour. We did not ask each other any ‘questions’ per se. Instead, we were getting to know each other. We talked about our jobs, what our interests were, how we have come up in life, what keeps us going, and we even laughed at some funny incidents we ended up narrating for no specific reason. We even talked about our families to get a fair idea about our social circle and lifestyle.
I was of the opinion that I cannot say ‘YES’ in one meeting. I asked him when we could meet again. We decided to meet after three days, his reasoning being we will get time to think about what we want to talk about or ask each other.
So we met up again. This time in a park in the city (helps that we live close by). This time, we were together for 4 and a half hours 🙂
The first two hours, we spoke generally, like two friends meeting up after a long time. We talked about our childhood. School days, college days. Funny stories, anecdotes. About our jobs, our views on working couple, our views on life in general. About our families, how we grew up. What we have experienced in life and what we learnt from it.
The next two hours were spent talking about the reason for which we were actually meeting. So we told each other about what we liked about each other. We talked about some serious stuff that would matter as a couple. About our jobs, our family values, our views on life in general. I told him stuff about the kind of person I am to know if he has a problem with any of my personality quirks or traits. He did the same.
Towards the end, we realized we are both quite practical and understanding (his words more than mine) and that whatever decision we take will be thought through completely and discussed and the best will be chosen. I am marrying him in 4 months time 🙂
While wisdom from the street is useful and relevant, we have decided to craft arranged marriage first meeting tips by collecting practical advice given by dating experts!
Arranged marriage first meetings and going on a date
You may be thinking Jodi Logik minions are crazy!
You are right. We are different and think differently. Thank you.
Yes, arranged marriage is not very different from dating. Here is why we are making this outrageous claim.
According to a study titled, “Are the Young and the Educated More Likely to Have “Love” than Arranged Marriage?” from the University of Maryland:
A key reason for “parent supervised arranged marriages with participation” emerging as the most common form of marriage arrangement is that it is best suited for a cultural context that does not have a dating culture of the kind existing in the West. Such a “dating culture” requires that it be socially acceptable for the young to “romantically link up with each other without any kind of adult supervision in a setting that is not defined directly as leading to marriage” and to “try out” different potential mates before deciding on a marriage partner.
In simple words, dating on your own is not acceptable, so parents in India end up arranging dates for you! Some of you will disagree with this statement as parents also place way too many restrictions and conditions. But, at least for some of us, we get a chance to “date” prospective matches with the blessings of our parents.
Even experts seem to think that arranged marriage is just a more elaborate dating process!
According to Brian J. Willoughby, an assistant professor in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University,
“Whether it be financial support for weddings, schooling or housing, or emotional support for either partner, parents provide valuable resources for couples as they navigate the marital transition.
The focus when it comes to dating is squarely on personal chemistry, physical attraction, and compatibility. However, the challenge with love marriage or dating is that we may confuse lust and chemistry with genuine compatibility that can stand the test of time. This is where arranged marriage comes up trumps.
As parents do the due diligence for us, they make sure the people we meet have similar values, background and other “culturally acceptable” criteria before we meet prospective matches. As long as we have the final choice and are not pushed into marriage
This is where arranged marriage comes up trumps.
Now that we have seen that parent’s supervision is of great help to us, let’s borrow some ideas from dating experts to give you the tools and ideas you need to navigate the arranged marriage first meeting.
Justin Stenstrom is a life coach, author, entrepreneur, and speaker. He compiled a list of 40 dating tips from 40 dating experts. We decided to pick and choose dating wisdom from his epic article and create a list of 9 arranged marriage first meeting tips.
9 arranged marriage first meeting tips from dating experts
Let’s look at what we can learn from dating experts when it comes to providing us with useful arranged marriage first meeting tips.
1. Susan Winter: Be yourself and have fun
Susan Winter is a relationship expert and author. She has two important points that will come hand for your arranged marriage first meeting.
Be yourself. Don’t try to be someone you are not as the truth will eventually show up and can create a lot of unpleasant surprises. According to Susan
“The goal of dating is to find someone who wants what you want, and wants that with you.”
When you look at it, the goal of every arranged marriage first meeting is to make sure you want to find someone that can share a lifelong journey with you. Being true to who you are is a first step in getting there.
Have fun. Arranged marriage first meetings can be nerve-wracking experiences. Especially, the presence of other family members and unexpected or insensitive questions can make it worse. According to Susan, “dating is a numbers game and as long as you can learn from every experience, rejection shouldn’t really spoil your mood.”
We can certainly use the same approach to dealing with arranged marriage first meetings.
2. Laura Yates: Use the power of “why?”
Laura Yates is a coach, mentor, writer and speaker based in London. Laura believes in the power of “why?” as a tool to reveal more about your prospective match’s personality and thought process.
One of the typical approaches that people take when meeting a prospective match through arranged marriage is to ask “what are your hobbies?”, “What’s your favorite dish?” and so on.
Instead, Laura recommends we ask, “Why you like reading?” or “Why you chose journalism as your career”, as this is a much better way to understand their personality and passions. Laura also recommends you be ready with interesting stories from your life to act as conversational starters or ice breakers.
3. Hunt Ethridge: Ask positive emotional questions
Hunt Ethridge is CMO (Chief Marketing Officer) of LiveDatingAdvice.com, co-founder and senior partner at International Dating Coach Association (IDCA) as well as the senior coach at New York Dating Coach. His advice is to ask “positive emotional questions”.
Here are some examples:
What’s the best meal you’ve eaten?
What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?
Where would your dream vacation be?
Keep in mind, these questions work well in one-on-one meetings that you can set up after meeting a prospective match along with your family.
4.Jasbina Ahluwalia – It’s not an interview!
Jasbina Ahluwalia is a Relationship Expert, Matchmaker/Dating Coach and a Radio Show host. She is also the Founder and President of Intersections Match, a relationship coaching & online dating support firm designed specifically for Indian Singles.
Jasbina says dating is not an interview and nobody should interrogate a prospective match. This tip is very relevant for arranged marriage meetings in India. The presence of parents tends to invariably convert first meetings into intense interrogation sessions (especially for the woman’s family).
Our recommendation is that parents should be sensitised to this issue and a casual approach to understanding the prospective match’s background and family should be the norm. Who said arranged marriage first meeting tips are only for the prospective bride and groom?
5. Kyle Ingham – Get out of your head!
Kyle Ingham is the founder of The Distilled Man, a site that helps men become gentlemen! He has an important advice pertaining to dating that is relevant for arranged marriages as well – Your dating failures fuel a lot of doubts in your mind.
You are thinking about all the women that rejected you instead of interacting properly with a woman you may be meeting! All your self-doubts and bitter experiences can get to your head.
Your dating failures fuel a lot of doubts in your mind. You are thinking about all the women that rejected you instead of interacting properly with a woman you may be meeting! All your self-doubts and bitter experiences can get to your head.
People going through arranged marriage may have gone through several meetings with prospective matches only to be disappointed with the outcome. Try forgetting all the bad experiences and treat every arranged marriage meeting as your first meeting!
6. KarenLee Poter – Don’t forget hygiene
KarenLee Poter is an internet talk show and a blog about dating, love and sex. She started exploring dating after she became a widow. Among the tips that she provides for dating, she also talks about personal hygiene. Here is what she has to say,
“By all means take a shower prior to the date and put on a small amount of cologne. No need to overpower her with Old Spice. Your teeth are important since they show good general hygiene, make sure to brush and whiten them. Make sure your breath is fresh. Trim your facial hair and style your hair.”
In the Indian context, too much make-up, too much perfume, or on the other end of the spectrum, “just got up from bed” sloppiness, chewing with your mouth open (especially men that get to eat the samosas and jalebis at the prospective bride’s place) are all deal-breakers.
7. Dan Munro – Honesty is the best policy
Dan Munro is a confidence and authenticity coach based out of New Zealand. He has something very interesting to say about being honest and open when you meet someone for the first time in a dating context.
“I think of it as “farting on the first date”. If you let out your “worst” on the first date, not only will you lead her to deeper intimacy quickly, you’ll also be left with a clear measurement of how well you two would go longer term.”
What he doesn’t mean is to act like Ivan the Terrible, but to straight away focus on your dreams, fears and insecurities. In the arranged marriage context, honesty is usually a casualty as parents and relatives tend to “puff up” facts about their sons and daughters. They do it out of ignorance or for the sake of false pride. Assuming you have met someone with a similar family background, try asking for a one-on-one meeting and use this opportunity for an honest conversation.
8. Laurel House: Your past, your present, and your future
Laurel House is a dating and relationship coach. She appears regularly on American TV shows and is also a prolific author.
Laurel recommends focusing on topics that focus on who you are. Discussing events from your past that shaped your personality and lessons you have learnt, your future aspirations and challenges you want to overcome are topics that can help you truly connect with your date.
In the arranged marriage first meeting, we tend to go along with superficial questions that really doesn’t bring out any strong emotions because we are nervous and conscious of the people surrounding us. Discussing these deep topics certainly requires a little more privacy. While it is not advisable to straight away jump into your past and the future, remember to bring them up even if you are going through an arranged marriage.
9. Anita Chlipala – Good not perfect
Anita Chlipala is a dating and relationship expert from Chicago. According to her,
“Waiting for the perfect woman? She doesn’t exist. Single guys fall into the trap of thinking there’s someone “better” out there. They end up dismissing their date too quickly over a tiny issue or dating woman after woman.”
Irrespective of whether it is dating or arranged marriage, waiting for the perfect man or woman is a never-ending wait. There is nobody that is perfect. However, you will always find somebody that’s a good match for you. So don’t obsess over minor flaws (physical or otherwise) and look at the overall personality and how aligned your thoughts are in general.
Arranged marriage first meeting tips are either biased in favour of the prospective groom or reinforce stereotyped interview sessions. We believe we can change the perspective on arranged marriage first meeting tips by embracing a completely new mindset.
Approaching arranged marriage first meeting like a group date (remember all the family members that join you?) is a great idea.
Freedom of choice is an important factor for any successful marriage. As long as you can decide on your own and not base your decisions solely on what your family thinks, you should be OK.
Trying to be someone you are not can give you short term victories, but you can’t keep up with your acting forever. Be genuine and open.
Being prepared helps. Keep a broad set of questions in mind before you go for any arranged marriage first meeting. Remember to phrase the questions properly and avoid sounding like an interviewer.
Finally, don’t obsess over minor flaws, look at the entire personality.
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Posted in Arranged Marriage
Tagged with: Arranged Marriage, arranged marriage first meeting, dating, India, Parents
Just raise your hands if you aren’t interested in learning about the wives and girlfriends of all the sports superstars we follow closely. If you indeed raised your hands (we are watching you), you are probably among the minority (says who?)! If you are a woman and if you have plans for marrying an athlete (celebrity or not), this blog is just for you. All the men reading this post can skip straight to the list unless you are a sportsman.
Wives and Girlfriends of athletes face unique challenges
While it may be glamorous to sit in the stadium while your boyfriend or husband is duking it out in the middle, life is not all roses for wives and girlfriends of top athletes. There are many reasons:
Can you survive the loneliness?
Top athletes are successful because of their ability to work hard on their game and focus on their goals relentlessly. Guess what happens to you when your husband is busy preparing for the next year’s sporting event or tournament? Yes, wives and girlfriends have to deal with shouldering household responsibilities all alone.
Be ready for non-stop travel?
The amount of travel that top athletes have to put up with is insane. A majority of the year is spent in traveling to different corners of the world. If you happen to have children, you can’t pack up the bags and leave whenever you want to.
Can you handle the media glare?
Athletes, especially those at the top of their game, work hard and have incredible mental and physical toughness. They are supremely confident about who they are and look for women who can cope with media glare. You should have loads of self-confidence if you want to survive the pressures of being famous.
But if you do manage to find the right person, things do work out very well. Let’s hear from World Chess Champion, Viswanathan Anand’s wife on her marriage.
With that warning, let’s look at the love stories of 15 top athletes from around the world.
1. Sachin Tendulkar
Sachin Tendulkar needs no introduction as we all know him as a cricketing legend on the same pedestal as greats like
Sachin Tendulkar and his wife, Anjali first met at the airport in Mumbai, when Tendulkar returned from his tour of England in 1990. Anjali was there to receive her mother and bumped into Tendulkar. It was love at first sight! They then met again through a common friend and the rest is history.
When Tendulkar and Anjali first met, Anjali was practicing medicine, while Tendulkar had just started his cricketing career. Later, when they started dating, Anjali made all efforts to brush up her knowledge about the game of cricket. This is one example of a match made in heaven. All the fame and attention has not impacted their life together and they continue to remain a happy couple.
2. Rafael Nadal
Rafael Nadal is a Spanish tennis player who is said to be one of the finest clay-court players in the history of the game. Nadal has won 14 Grand Slam singles titles, an Olympic Gold medal, and many ATP titles. He also won the Davis Cup for Spain a few times. He is the second player after Andre Agassi to complete the singles Grand Slam.
Maria Francisca Perelló, Nadal’s girlfriend has known him since 2005. They met while growing up in Palma de Majorca, an island off the coast of Spain. Perello has put in a lot of efforts to avoid the things that come with being a celebrity and its status. Perello does not attend many of Rafael’s matches since she does not want to distract him while he is playing tennis. Both Rafael and Perello are shy and lead ordinary lives out of the spotlight.
3. Roger Federer
Roger Federer is is one of the most popular athletes in the world. He has the record of holding the No.1 rank for the longest duration continuously and has won a record 17 Grand Slams and 88 ATP singles tennis titles. Federer happens to be the only male player in history to reach the finals of each Grand Slam at least 5 times!
Roger Federer first met his future wife Mirka Vavrinec at Sydney, during the 2000 summer Olympics. Mirka was also a professional tennis player. The pair travelled to Australia from Switzerland to play tennis and got to know each other that way. They married in the year 2009, and Mirka gave birth to two sets of twins five years apart! Federer and Mirka are happily married and our prediction is they will take their marriage vows seriously.
4. Michael Phelps
Michael Phelps is said to be the greatest athletes of all time and had won 8 gold medals in swimming, a sport said to be one of the toughest. He dominated the sport of swimming like none, with 39 world records, and 22 Olympic medals.
Michael Phelps is engaged to his on/off girlfriend, former Miss USA, Nicole Johnson. They remained friendly with each other despite numerous breakups in between and rekindled their relationship last year.
5. Novak Djokovic
Novak Djokovic of Serbia is currently the top ranked player in the game of tennis today. He is said to be one of the greatest tennis players in the world and has broken the Nadal-Federer stronghold of the game.
Novak and his wife Jelena Ristic met as teenagers in Belgrade and dated for 9 years, before marrying. They now have a child together. It was instant chemistry since Jelena was an athletic enthusiast and one of the most beautiful girls in the city to boot!
6. Usain Bolt
Usain Bolt of Jamaica is widely regarded as the fastest sprinter ever, in the world. His nick name is Lightning Bolt, and he holds word records in the 100 m, 200 m and 4×100 m relay. He has won several Olympic medals, and has the habit of making it look easy by slowing down at the finish line, but breaking world records by a comfortable margin.
Usain Bolt hasn’t had a steady girlfriend and isn’t married. In the photo above, he is seen with one of his former girlfriends Lubica Slovac. Before Lubica, there was Mizican Evans who dated Usain Bolt for several years. Usain is said to have dated / had affairs with a long list of women and we don’t know if he has a girlfriend as we write this post. All the sordid details can be found here.
7. Rory McIlroy
Who is Rory? Rory McIlroy is a professional golfer from Ireland. He was ranked No. 1 for 95 weeks! He is the first European to win three different majors by the age of 25. At 22 years of age, he became the youngest player to earn 10 million euros in prize money in career earnings. McIlroy has represented Europe, Great Britain and Ireland, so far.
Rory McIlroy had a very public breakup with the Danish professional tennis player, Caroline Wozniacki, and very soon after, hooked up with Erica Stoll, a PGA employee. It is said that McIlroy proposed to Stoll at the Eiffel tower and that they are now engaged. Rory claims that his new relationship has helped him on the golf course, as well.
8. Lionel Messi
Lionel Messi is only 5’7” in height, but he is one of the most talented footballers in history. Messi is well known for his unstoppable scoring abilities and strikes fear in the heart of the opposing team. He also serves as captain of the Argentinan national football team.
Messi has a long-term partner named Antonella Roccuzzo. Roccuzzo and Messi have been together since 2008 and have two children together. Messi knew Antonella since he was 5 years of age.
9. Christiano Ronaldo
Cristiano Ronaldo is a Portuguese footballer and serves as captain of his national team. He has a very explosive game and is a good striker and defender as well. Cristiano is said to be one of the most rounded players in modern football. He also happens to have the most number of Facebook fans.
He used to date the supermodel Irina Shayk for 5 years but has now recently moved on to a new girlfriend named Claudia Sanchez. Ronaldo met Sanchez at the launch of his new perfume line – pictures were shared of each other on Instagram. He has never publicly revealed the identity of the mother of his son.
10. David Beckham
David Beckham is regarded as one of the most popular soccer players in history, and also happens to be one of the richest! Beckham has represented several clubs and also went on to captain England 59 times. He is the only English player to score in three World Cups.
When David Beckham met Victoria Adams of the popular girl band “Spice Girls” at a charity football match, it was love at first sight. David proposed to Victoria with an expensive diamond sparkler ring. David and Victoria are well-known for appearing at events in matching outfits and have become style icons. They have four children together and their marriage is still going strong!
11. Tiger Woods
Tiger Woods dominated the sport of golf like none before him. He has been the one of the highest-paid athletes in the world for many years. Woods was No. 1 for the most consecutive weeks. Woods is considered to be one of the most successful golfers of all time.
Tiger Woods had a fairy tale romance with Elin Nordegren a Swedish model and nanny. After a whirlwind romance, the two got engaged and married in an opulent ceremony. They also had two kids after marriage and things were looking good for the couple. Unfortunately, their marriage unravelled under the glare of the media as it was revealed that Woods was having multiple affairs while he was married. Their marriage ended in divorce.
Woods then dated Lindsey Vonn, a champion skier who also represented the US in the Winter Olympics, for a few years. This relationship also met with a dead end and the pair broke up.
12. Michael Jordan
Michael Jordan, the basketball player who played for the Chicago Bulls in the NBA is said to be the greatest athlete that ever lived. His skills, coordination and grace were unmatched. If it were not for Michael Jordan, his signature moves and dunks would not exist. He went on to play baseball and golf competitively after basketball, showing that he was a jack of all trades.
Michael Jordan has a long list of girlfriends and is considered to have influenced Tiger Woods to follow his “path”. He dated Vanessa Williams, Juanita Vanoy, Karla Knafel, Pamela Smith, Kylie Ireland, Lisa Miceli to name a few. You can find the complete list of girlfriends and lovers here.
Michael Jordan married former model Yvette Prieto who is 16 years younger than him, in the year 2014. They met 7 years ago and have identical twin daughters.
13. Ayrton Senna
Ayrton Senna was a Brazilian racing driver who won 3 Formula One world championships. He was among the most dominant and successful Formula One drivers and is said to be the greatest racing driver of all time. He died at the age of 34 years, after succumbing to fatal injuries sustained during a race in Italy.
Ayrton Senna had an ex-wife named Lilian Souza. He married Lilian Souza when she was 19 years of age and divorced two years later. His girlfriend at the time of his death was Adriana Galisteu, who many believed would become his second wife. He dated a lot of women in between. One of the women that Senna dated was Adriane Yamin who was 15 years old! She was chaperoned by her mother on her visits to the track to meet Ayrton. He also dated models like Elle MacPherson and Carol Alt. Adriana Galisteu (see in the picture above) has written a book about her life with Ayrton, and also posed for Playboy.
Pele is widely regarded as the best soccer player in history, with over 1000 goals in 1220 games in his career, and winning the world championship twice for Brazil. He was elected Athlete of the Century by the IOC and Time named him in their list of 100 most influential people of the 20th century.
Pele was married to Rosemeri in 1966. They had three children together and divorced in 1982. It is said he fathered a child with his maid, Anizia. He also fathered another child with journalist Lenita Kurtz. He dated Xuxa, the singer who dated Ayrton Senna. Pele then went on to date Flavia Cavalcanti, former Miss Brazil. He then married Assimira, and they had a set of twins. They divorced in 2008. He is now dating Marcia Aoki (seen in the picture above).
15. Muhammed Ali
Muhammed Ali is an American professional boxer, who is widely considered to be the greatest heavyweight boxer in the history of the sport. Ali remains the only three-time lineal world heavyweight champion. Ali had a highly unorthodox style for a heavyweight, epitomized by his catchphrase “float like a butterfly and sting like a bee”.
Muhammed Ali married four times and has seven sons and two daughters. Ali has two daughters from extra-marital relationships. his first wife, Sonji Roi was a cocktail waitress, his second wife was Belinda Boyd and his third wife, Victoria Porsche, was an actress and model. His fourth wife, Yolanda Williams (seen in the picture above) was a long time friend of Ali. Some of his children were from extra-marital affairs!
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Posted in Love, Marriage, Relationship
Tagged with: Athletes, dating, Marriage, relationship
The things we do to find our perfect match
People do extraordinary things to find their perfect match. Some of us become serial daters or reject marriage proposals as we are looking for that perfect match who never shows up.
Remember George Clooney who is currently married to Amal Alamuddin? Here is a list of women he dated before Amal.
Dedee Pfeiffer, Kelly Preston, Talia Balsam, Kimberly Russell, Karen Duffy, Celine Balitran, Lucy Liu, Charlize Theron, Renée Zellweger, Krista Allen, Lisa Snowden, Sarah Larson, Elisabetta Canalis, Stacey Keibler. Phew, that’s a long list of women!
Phew, that’s a long list of women!
Few others believe they are so special and unique that they can find their perfect match only by looking for someone who has their same interests and passions. Believe it or not, there is a dating site just for people that believe in supernatural things and ghosts!
That’s not all. Some of us end up wearing all kinds of trinkets and amulets based on the recommendations of your parent’s favorite God-man and hope that the amazing powers radiating from magical stones will make you find your soulmate.
How to find your perfect match using numerology or astrology is pretty much the game that parents play when it comes to arranged marriages in India.
Talking of strange customs, raise your hand if you are a “Manglik” (If you actually raised your lands, sorry, we don’t have eyes everywhere and we can’t see you). Mangliks are thought to be cursed and are destined to cause a premature death of their future husband. So what’s the solution, just marry a tree first and then sign up for one of the specialized matrimony sites available just for any supernatural ailment you may have.
And let’s not forget the harassed young men and women of India who are well past the “ideal age for marriage” and cursed due to the wrath of Gods. It’s very easy to spot them in your neighborhood temples. They are the ones decked up in pious religious markings all over their bodies, probably wearing a garland (if they are in a Temple), running around performing “special” rituals that invariably involve a fat fee for the priest.
A mathematician’s equation for a perfect match!
Dr. Hannah Fry is no ordinary mathematician. She works with physicists, geographers, architects and computer scientists to find patterns in human behavior for applications in traffic management, crime, shopping, terrorism and of course, finding your perfect match. She wrote a book titled “The Mathematics Of Love” based on the speech she gave at TEDx.
Hannah also is a star of a couple of documentaries series that appears on British TV.
“Calculating Ada: The Countess Of Numbers” is a show hosted by Hannah about Ada Lovelace, a 19th-century mathematician who foretold the age of computers. In the second documentary, “Climate Change By Numbers“, Hannah cuts through the clutter to talk about important factors that impact climate change.
You can listen to her entire TEDx speech here or check out our spin below.
Finding aliens is not different from finding your perfect match
Hannah talks about a paper titled “Why Don’t I Have a Girlfriend – An application of the Drake Equation to love in the UK” by Peter Backus. In this paper, Backus applies the drake equation for finding alien life to calculate his odds for finding his girlfriend! Here is a short explanation by Hannah on how he came up with his odds for finding his perfect match.
Of all of the available women in the U.K., all Peter’s looking for is somebody who lives near him, somebody in the right age range, somebody with a university degree, somebody he’s likely to get on well with, somebody who’s likely to be attractive, somebody who’s likely to find him attractive. And comes up with an estimate of 26 women in the whole of the UK. Now, just to put that into perspective, that’s about 400 times fewer than the best estimates of how many intelligent extraterrestrial life forms there are. And it also gives Peter a 1 in 285,000 chance of bumping into any one of these special ladies on a given night out. I’d like to think that’s why mathematicians don’t really bother going on nights out anymore.
As you can see applying the Drake’s equation is quite discouraging to young men and women. In case you are actually interested in applying the Drake’s equation to calculate the odds of finding your perfect match, here is an explanation of how the equation works.
If you think you are not ready to give up your quest to find your perfect match just based on one mathematical equation, read on.
Maths can unearth patterns to help you find your perfect match
Hannah is an optimist. She is an expert in finding patterns and she thinks she can crack most problems on this earth by applying her mathematical skills.
Hannah uses maths to predict outcomes and study weather patterns, the growth of cities, stock market fluctuations and many other concepts that look confusing for ordinary folks. It appears there is always a method to the madness around us.
Like weather and stock market, love is also unpredictable as it is driven by human emotions and Hannah believes she can apply her mathematical wizardry and techniques to identify patterns. In fact, she has already done this and offers three mathematically proven tips to help maximize our chances of finding your perfect match.
#1: Find out who is your perfect match on dating sites
For the sake of Indians reading this blog (we think it’s mostly Indians), you can replace “online dating” with “online matrimony” if you are going through arranged marriage. Hannah explains a brilliant concept that a popular US-based dating site OKCupid unearthed based on user behavior on their site. Here is what we learn from OKCupid.
If you are a woman, you will get more messages if you end up creating extreme reactions among men. In other words, when looking at your online profile, if a group of men thinks you are beautiful and another group of men thinks you are unattractive, you have a greater chance of getting more responses. If you are a classic beauty and most men think you are either super attractive or cute, the chances of you getting a response comes down!
Here is an example of a couple of movie stars and how men may react to seeing their photographs. Sonakshi Sinha is considered beautiful by all of us here at Jodi Logik. But, there have been many instances when people have called her ugly.
Here is a recent Twitter exchange Sonakshi had with someone who called her ugly. Someone asked her why she is ugly and she had the perfect response 🙂
As you can see below Sonakshi Sinha can bring out extreme reactions.
Let’s take Deepika. You will be hard pressed to find anyone calling Deepika ugly. There is a unanimous agreement that she is an angel and a stunning beauty.
But, if you are a man and you came across Deepika’s profile in an online matrimony site (that’s more unlikely that Peter Backus finding a girlfriend in his lifetime), who would you choose? You are most likely to choose Sonakshi because you are probably intimidated by Deepika!
This seems very counter-intuitive. But here is how OKCupid explains this concept.
Just imagine that you are a man looking for your perfect match online. As you can see in the image below, if you think there are flaws in the woman that you are checking out online, you may end up assuming that your chances of meeting the woman are probably higher and based on this assumption you are more likely to express your interest.
So what’s the lesson for women that are playing the dating game or looking for arranged marriage through online matrimony sites?
Play up your perceived differences or quirks instead of hiding them! A big forehead that you have been trying to mask all your life can actually help land more responses from men!
Check out this passionate love calculator to find out if you have strong feelings towards someone you may have met. Click here to take the test.
Tip #2: How to choose your perfect match?
Let’s say you embraced Hannah’s tip#1 and became very successful in attracting a swarm of men that expressed interest in your online profile. Now, you have another major headache to deal with. How the hell will you pick the perfect partner from the various people you end up meeting?
Hannah turns to math once again. This time, it is the Optimal Stopping Theory. Here is how she explains this concept when comes to choosing your perfect partner.
So let’s imagine then, that you start dating when you’re 15 and ideally, you’d like to be married by the time that you’re 35. And there’s a number of people that you could potentially date across your lifetime, and they’ll be at varying levels of goodness. Now the rules are that once you cash in and get married, you can’t look ahead to see what you could have had, and equally, you can’t go back and change your mind.
So the math says then that what you should do in the first 37 percent of your dating window, you should just reject everybody as serious marriage potential. And then, you should pick the next person that comes along that is better than everybody that you’ve seen before.
However, this approach also has its drawbacks. What happens when you keep rejecting people for the sake of rejecting them and you end up dismissing your perfect match during your first 37 percent?
Another issue is what happens if your perfect match never comes along after you are done rejecting and you are ready to marry someone?
But wait, human being are prewired to use this approach all along! When you look at how people date or even choose partners through arranged marriage, a vast majority of them don’t end up settling with the first person that shows interest. They try to look at several options and only when they believe they have seen it all, we will probably consider choosing someone for good. This only shows that mathematics is not science fiction. It is in fact based on patterns that we see all around us.
In summary, don’t say yes to the first person that comes along. You are likely to find your perfect match only after you have had a chance to review some options. Most likely after you are done checking out 37% of your potential matches 🙂
Wondering how to find your perfect match for marriage? We uncover the art and science behind finding your soulmate. Read this awesome blog post!
Tip #3: How do you stay married to your perfect match?
Once you have found your perfect match, the next logical question is what should you do keep your perfect match for life and not end up an innocent divorcee!
So how can a seemingly complicated issue i.e. the marital relationships be predicted or even have a pattern? This is the first question any married individual will ask. Actually, scientific research has an answer according to Hannah.
Psychologist, John Gottman, observed hundreds of couples having a conversation and recorded, well, everything you can think of. So he recorded what was said in the conversation, he recorded their skin conductivity, he recorded their facial expressions, their heart rates, their blood pressure, basically everything. ottman and his team found was that one of the most important predictors for whether or not a couple is going to get divorced was how positive or negative each partner was being in the conversation.
Gottman and his team predicted whether a couple was going to get divorced with a 90% accuracy. he found that couples that got into a spiral of negativity usually ended up separating eventually. Gottman then teamed up with a mathematical, James Murray, to create mathematical equations that predicted how the wife or husband is going to respond based on their observed behavior data.
These mathematical equations depend on the mood of the person under three circumstances
a. When they are on their own,
b. When they are with their partner
c. How much the husband and wife influence one another, also called as the “negative threshold“.
In simple terms, negative threshold refers to how annoying the husband or the wife can get before the spouse looses it! You can read more about Gottman’s “Love Lab” here.
Let’s take a quiz
Assuming you have read and understood what a negative threshold means in your marriage, based on common sense, what do you think should be the negative threshold for a successful marriage?
If you have answered, “that’s simple, the negative threshold should be high”, you are probably among the majority of readers who agreed with you. But, you are wrong.
Let’s go back to what Hannah has to say on this inverse logic that says, “you should not tolerate too much nonsense”.
Actually, the mathematics and subsequent findings by the team have shown the exact opposite is true. The best couples, or the most successful couples, are the ones with a really low negativity threshold. These are the couples that don’t let anything go unnoticed and allow each other some room to complain. These are the couples that are continually trying to repair their own relationship, that have a much more positive outlook on their marriage. Couples that don’t let things go and couples that don’t let trivial things end up being a really big deal.
Ladies and gentlemen, the best approach to ensuring a long-term marriage will be to provide room for expressing complaints freely and approach such complaints with a positive frame of mind. In addition, It is imperative not to blow up trivial things into major issues.
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Did you know?
Scientists working at Jodi Logik have discovered that if you use your Jodi Logik profile, you have a greater chance of meeting your perfect match faster! What are you waiting for? Create your FREE Jodi Logik profile now.
Posted in Dating, Love, Marriage
Tagged with: dating, divorce, Love, Marriage, perfect match
Food lovers live life the fullest
Food lovers are known to do the craziest things possible to satisfy their passion. They will be the first ones to try new restaurants or try out adventurous and sometimes weird food items that “normal” people will frown upon.
People think that food lovers are crazy. Just check out this video and you will get the idea!
Food lovers a savour every moment of their lives and use food as a means to carry forward age old traditions and reaffirm their pride in their cultural roots which are primarily based on food.
We don’t have to point out that all nations and cultures create their own identity through food. There are special dishes we prepare during festivals and holidays, the five-course meal we prepare to welcome special guests or the basic food we feed our loved ones when they fall sick.
Food Lovers are opinionated
Food lovers have a unique perspective of places and things around them based on food! They associate some places with fond memories because they had something wonderful to eat while they may despise other places because their taste buds did not agree!
Zomato created a map of India according to a Delhi foodie and it is truly hilarious!
Food and love are bedfellows
That’s not all. Food is also one of the biggest contributors to people falling in love. There are heartwarming stories of how food brings people together and not so great attempts at finding love via food. Heck, even Whole Foods Market (one of the coolest supermarkets in the US) believes in this approach.
The only real competition food has in the matters of finding love is from the auntie network! The auntie network is more fanatical than Greenpeace when it comes to getting single people married. But seriously, food is the best unifying factor when it comes to relationships.
But seriously, food is the best unifying factor when it comes to relationships. Dr.Helen Fisher, a renowned biological anthropologist at Rutgers University and author of Why We Love, says
“Certain foods can have a more subtle yet still significant impact on how amorous you’re feeling.” It is obvious that food is an important ingredient when you are preparing to “cook” a relationship. But, we are not going to talk about preparing the right food to find love. Instead, let’s look at our behaviour around food that is as important as eating the right food!
Indians are food lovers by default!
Finally, to drive home the point that every Indian is indeed a food lover even if you are not a card-carrying “foodie” with an Instagram account to prove your credentials, we have lined up a few fun facts.
1. Food is an integral part of our wedding rituals. Coconut, ghee, rice, sweets are just some of the items that stop being mere ingredients or food items!
2. The love for “desi” food has resulted in a unique trend among non-resident Indians (NRIs) and that’s called a potluck, one of the most popular weekend activities among NRIs.
3. You will find that Indians don’t hesitate sharing food. When you travel in trains or any other mode of transportation, sharing food with your fellow traveller is common.
4. Arranged marriage first meetings have known to go south because the girl did not have the right skills to make food items that meet the standards defined by the boy’s parents!
5. Indians are secular by nature and that’s because they love food no matter who makes it. Just ask Hindus and Christians who wait for Ramzan drooling at the possibility of getting invited for a feast at their Muslin friend’s homes.
Here is a personal anecdote that shows how people who are not food lovers change for the sake of love!
Natasha, recalls the time when her mother would insist on her learning to cook, to help her survive when she lived alone or with her future husband.
“I tried cooking, but it never really turned out well. But after I fell in love, I noticed a sea change in my culinary skills. I wanted to show my boyfriend how much I loved him, and the only way I could think of expressing it was through food,” she says.
Food and your first date
The problem with food lovers is that we place a little extra importance on food. If food is a make or break deal for you, don’t go to your favourite restaurant for your first date. That’s because chances are your date’s opinion about the food you ordered will assume greater significance than learning about each other!
Don’t believe us? Read what Reader’s Digest said about ‘food and first dates‘. Trust us, this is as good as betting your house and car before you even roll your dice! That’s a lot of unwanted pressure to be in at the very first date.
Be it the first meeting with a boy or a girl that your parents arranged for you or a first date, it’s all about having a conversation and not hating each other. You’ll slowly start liking each other and being okay with each other’s choices. So, no food date or taking them to your favourite places. First dates are best when they happen at a neutral place where you are less likely to trample on each other’s egos.
Falling in love over food, one plate at a time
Well, if food matters to you (we are sure it does!), it probably matters to your potential date too. You didn’t think you are the only one with a choice and an opinion, did you?
It’s a wise strategy not to assume your date’s preferences and choices when it comes to food. Make an effort to find out what he or she likes to eat and their preferences. This can be done by asking them directly (like on the coffee date we suggested) or by stalking them on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
Taking some extra effort in what your date would be interested in shows consideration and earns you extra brownie points. So be nice and take into consideration what your date might like before you reserve a table.
The mere act of placing your date’s preferences ahead of yours also demonstrates your selflessness and your considerate nature. That’s one more point in your favour. If your date reciprocates your consideration by trying food items that she may have tried before or previously thought were not fit for consumption, you probably have a keeper!
Food is a saviour when dealing with future in-laws!
When meeting family member (or friends) of your love interest, make sure you do it in a café or restaurant so that you can use food to deal with awkward silences. Food also comes in handy to start a new conversation when you run out of topics. And somehow, being around food brings out the food tales that everyone loves to share.
If you are going to their home, take a box of doughnuts or sweets or cookies with you. Everyone appreciates a visitor that brings shows such sweetness.
Didn’t you like it when some distant uncle brought some chocolates whenever they visited you? Yeah, that part of us never grows up.
Your behaviour around food predicts your life ahead
Going on dates or even taking your spouse on dates immediately after marriage is a given and being a food lover, a restaurant is probably always in the plan for your date night. It’s important to be prepared for all eventualities. It’s always a great idea to let your partner know that it’s your favourite restaurant so that they know not to say harsh words. Also, don’t raise their expectations about your restaurant to a level that the food cannot match.
If you are being taken to your partner’s favourite place, always be gentle and honest about your opinions. If you don’t like it, lay it down gently. Don’t be mean or rude. Instead, try to look for the things that you like. Food bonds people, yes and this is one of the crucial moments that decides if you have the ability to bond for the long term!
Ready to write your own ‘food’ love story?
Food invokes a primal reaction among us that goes well beyond satisfying our hunger. Food is strongly connected to memories, places, people and hence love.
Off all the food quotes, we love this food quote attributed to George Bernard Shaw.
The growing culture of eating out, online food magazines that promote unique cuisine and restaurant review apps point to a thriving food scene and an equally vibrant community of food lovers in India.
If you are looking to find a soulmate who also happens to be a foodie, you have plenty of options to find that special someone.
1. Join the local foodie meetup in your city.
Meetups are a great way to connect with fellow foodies!
2. Join cooking classes! We bet there are plenty of them in your city.
Join cooking classes to meet like minded people.
3. Get active in restaurant review sites and Facebook groups. You never know who you will meet!
Contributing the foodie community is a great way to develop a “fan” following!
4. Food lovers love social media. Be it Pinterest, Instagram, Quora or Facebook, food lovers are everywhere! Make sure you are where they are!
Social media is the home turf for food lovers.
A key to finding your soulmate is to not become desperate and expect every interaction to turn into a love story! Just focus on your passion, i.e your love for food and let love happen naturally.
Food is a saviour when it comes to breaking the ice and meeting people. When you are about to start a new relationship, be sure to bank on your love for food. But, also be mindful of how you use food in your quest to seal the deal.
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Posted in Food, Love
Tagged with: dating, Food, Food Lover, Love
Start believing in signs. It’s for your good.
We all reach a certain point in our lives where we need to start getting serious about marriage even though we might not be totally ready for it. And the first and foremost step is to create a matrimonial biodata.
After extensive research and scientific analysis, Jodi Logik minions have devised a patent-pending algorithm to find out if you are ready to create a matrimonial biodata.
Here is how our methodology works. Just read the rest of this article and if at any point you find yourself nodding your head in agreement, then it’s time to take the plunge and create a matrimonial biodata!
1. Your parents have started creating your matrimonial biodata
This is the biggest sign you can get. Just imagine all the things your parents are going to write about you in your biodata for marriage and the motivation to make your own biodata will present itself magically. Motivated enough? Take charge and create your biodata for marriage right away. Don’t even bother to read the rest of this article.
2. You are receiving marriage biodata from potential matches
My friend, if you see some random horoscope or biodata for marriage of other singles floating around in your house, be assured that your matrimonial biodata is already in circulation in the auntie network! And if you don’t know what is on it, you might have a bigger problem here. Start creating your biodata now.
3. You are among the last of the unmarried people among your friends
Get married already!
Trust us, you don’t want to be the last person in your group of friends to get married. Can you imagine how boring your wedding will be? All your friends that will attend your wedding will be busy attending their children or changing diapers. You will also start receiving unsolicited hints that it’s time for you to start practicing diaper changes. Your bachelor or bachelorette party will be spent watching Alok Nath movies and reciting verses from Gita or The Bible!
4. You are tired of meaningless relationships
You are done with failed relationships, stupid breakups and meaningless dates which are just a waste of your time. You want something real and committed. Time to ditch the dating apps and move on to matrimonial sites. We mean, why prolong the unavoidable?
Here is bonus tip: While you may have taken the right step by creating your matrimonial biodata, please make sure you choose Jodi Logik!
5. You want a wedding
You want your wedding NOW.
You have attended a lot of weddings and even though you don’t think you are ready to get married, you want a Big Fat Indian Wedding. You want to dance with your besties, be the center of attention, go shopping, have a bachelor / bachelorette party and gifts, loads of GIFTS DAMMIT! We understand and I hope you see the sign too.
6. You have started planning for your honeymoon
You are unmarried, but your honeymoon plans are in place!
If you are on Facebook, chances are you have seen your friends honeymooning with their newlywed spouses and have secretly started planning yours! Or you came across a blog titled Best Honeymoon Destinations and you just can’t wait. Whatever be your reason, time to put your plans into action.
7. You are tired of having no +1 when you go to attend parties
Is this your strategy for attending get-togethers?
It’s been too long that you are single and it is showing. We don’t say staying single is bad, but it’s just lonely when everyone is with their partners and you are with your mobile phone, pretending to be busy. Not having a +1 usually hits hard when you gift that elusive discount coupon for two to your married friends. NOT ANYMORE. ‘Where can I create a matrimonial biodata’ you ask. We say, here.
8. Wondering how many potential matches you will get if you circulated your biodata?
Are you wondering about all the potential matches you are missing out on?
Don’t worry, we all reach a certain low in our lives when we need some reassurances from the outside world that we are good enough. Go on, create a biodata and check how many potential matches are interested in you. You never know, this might actually lead you to your ‘special someone’.
9. They have started referring to you as auntie or uncle!
Who called me auntie?
The age is starting to show, my friend. Come here. Let’s hug it out. Don’t worry, we will help you create that biodata and get you started in finding that special someone. In matters of love, it’s never too late to get the ball rolling.
Not letting life pass by is not that difficult. You just have to look for the signs. And if the signs tell you that your life as a single, unmarried individual is not working anymore, don’t ignore it. Every marriage starts with a great matrimonial biodata format and as it is the first step to your future life, you need to take it seriously. So create a super-duper, customized biodata for marriage using Jodi Logik.
Sharing is good karma, they say. Share this post with your friends who are ready to end their loneliness.
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Posted in Biodata for marriage, Matrimony Sites
Tagged with: Biodata for marriage, dating, Jodi Logik, Marriage, Parents, single, wedding