There are some bad things about arranged marriage that turn off people. Here are 5 reasons people hate arranged marriages:
1. People think all arranged marriages are forced marriages!
Some Indians and westerns confuse arranged marriages with forced marriages. While child marriages and forced marriages are still prevalent in India, arranged marriages are not bad if you can still have the final say about who you will marry.
2. Matrimony sites have not made it better
Matrimony sites have done their bit to create a scare among young Indians about arranged marriages. Their stereotyped approach to matchmaking provides very little incentive for men and women to use these sites and only reinforces everything wrong about arranged marriages.
3. Matrimony ads in newspapers are no good
Matrimony ads in newspapers provide fodder for ridicule. They reinforce everything bad about arranged marriages such as too much focus on skin colour, wealth, and caste while leaving our important factors that could make a marriage successful.
Click here to check out some funny matrimonial ads for arranged marriages.
4. Bollywood has a big role to play in the preference for love marriage
The constant diet of movies that glorify ‘dating‘ (aka dancing around trees) has created an impression that the best way to get married is through dating and falling in love. Also, the kind of love that movies portray are glorified harassment and stalking!
5. The growing influence of western culture
Exposure to dating apps and an increase in international travel has exposed young Indians to alternatives for arranged marriages that seems more aligned to the current context. They see love marriages and dating as fashionable.
Also, greater financial freedom and independent lifestyle are giving young Indians an opportunity to go on dates or pursue relationships before marriage.
Advantages of arranged marriage: Finding love
1. No need to deal with dating pressures
The challenge of finding someone who can fall in love with you and sign up to get married is difficult. Finding the love of your life on your own is like playing Russian Roulette. You can win or get shot badly. Introvert men and women find it difficult to express themselves or approach people from the opposite sex.
No matter how modern you are, striking a conversation with a stranger or asking someone out is a difficult challenge that has spawned an entire industry of dating gurus.
2. You don’t have to deal with stressful breakups
Falling in love is hard on your knees and bad for your heart if you don’t find your soulmate in one go. Taylor Swift bases almost all her songs on failed relationships and makes the most out of them. Unfortunately, for lesser mortals, all we are left with is heartbreak and rejection.
There is no such issue in arranged marriages. When prospective matches turn you down in arranged marriages, there is a limited emotional attachment to worry about!
3. You can expect a greater commitment from the other person
The intent of matchmaking through arranged marriages is very clear. There is no doubt in anybody’s mind about the outcome of the matchmaking process. In love marriages, you may discover well after you have invested emotionally into a relationship that your soulmate wants to remain a bachelor for life or not ready for a long-term commitment.
Ask these five questions in your arranged marriage first meeting. Watch the video!
Advantages of arranged marriage: Rational thinking
4. Arranged marriages help you plan for the future
One of the advantages of arranged marriage is that your parents are constantly worried about your future when you are busy enjoying the single life and partying with your friends.
There is no way you wake up one day and discover that you are way too old and all your friends have disappeared as they all have families now. Your parents are probably always thinking about ‘what’s next?’ in your life and will make sure you never stay lonely when they aren’t around to take care of you!
5. Arranged marriages are logical decisions and impulsive
By far the biggest advantage of arranged marriage is that you now have someone to think rationally and leave out the emotions. Modern Indians who are exposed to diverse cultures through travel and media may wonder why marriages should be based on anything other than love?
The answer lies in the fact that love marriage has the added risk of people not thinking straight and let their hormones dictate terms. Once the magic of love fades away and the reality of married life hits you, you will probably realise that you made a bad choice!
6. Focus on Salary and profession ensure financial stability
Just scan the matrimony ads in newspapers and the matrimony profiles on online matrimony sites. Young Indians will find it difficult to digest the fact that parents are focussing on salary and profession along with caste and skin colour.
While the focus on skin colour or caste doesn’t really have any ground to defend, there is an element of rational thinking behind specifying the salary and profession.
Certain professions (such as a career with the military) have unique challenges and unless your family is exposed to the profession you may not appreciate the advantages and disadvantages.
Picking on choosing desirable professions such as IT or career with an MNC helps find matches that will be compatible with your expectations as well i.e a happy married life. Salary mismatches also lead to jealousy and other complexes among married couples. Listing them out explicitly screens out all these issues upfront.
7. Arranged marriages minimise nasty surprises
Diligently vetting the family background has its advantages. First of all, we are trying to rule out unpleasant surprises after marriage. There is a slim chance of you finding out that your father-in-law has a criminal background or that there is a congenital condition afflicting all the children in the family that you married into.
8. In arranged marriages, there is a greater incentive for adjustment
Considering the fact that two people have voluntarily agreed to marry based on a fairly rigorous evaluation, there is a tendency to accept the partner for who they are. Commitment to marriage is a key advantage that contributes to the success of arranged marriages.
Advantages of arranged marriage: Family support
9. There is greater financial support in arranged marriages
When it comes to money, arranged marriages have one significant advantage over love marriages. They guarantee some kind of financial support at every stage of your life after marriage.
First of all, marriage expenses are borne by parents (mostly the bride’s parents) and at every major milestone such as the birth of a child, housewarming etc, you will have plenty of relatives to bankroll your expenses. When things become difficult, you will have the option of reaching out for help.
10. Greater involvement of family in conflict resolution
In arranged marriages, two families come together and whether you like it or not, everybody has a stake in the success of your marriage. When things get challenging with your married life, you have the option of seeking advice or having a shoulder to cry.
11. Easier to bring up children in arranged marriages
Children look cute when they are all dressed up and pose for photographs. But day to day life for a working couple with children is challenging. More so if you have a child with special needs.
Even NRI couples that love alone in foreign countries have their parents travel all the way to take care of their newborn child. Seeking help in taking care of your children from your parents becomes a no-brainer if you are in an arranged marriage.
Frequently asked questions about arranged marriages
+ Do arranged marriages last longer?
Yes, arranged marriages are widely believed to last longer when compared to love marriages. Divorce rates in countries where marrying for love is more popular are higher compared to the divorce rates in countries where arranged marriages are popular. You will find detailed statistics in this article.
+ What is the purpose of arranged marriages?
The main purpose of arranged marriages is to strengthen the clan and continue the family line. Other purposes may include greater financial stability, better lifestyle, better social status, and companionship.
+ Why do arranged marriages happen?
Arranged marriages happen to help the boy or girl find a suitable match for marriage. This is true in countries where dating or having a relationship with the opposite gender is not socially acceptable.
Advantages of arranged marriage: Culture
12. Arranged marriage help you rediscover your culture
What better way to rediscover your roots and culture than to go through an arranged marriage. The elaborate rituals that proceed arranged marriages, the rituals during the marriage and post-marriage ceremonies bring to the fore culture and practices that have been in practice for generations.
13. Arranged marriages can offer better lifestyle compatibility
Married couples will have an easier time dealing with each other if they actually understood and appreciate lifestyle choices.
Many of the lifestyle choices are dictated by culture and family values. For example – food habits, dress habits etc. Having a spouse that has a similar lifestyle or understands why you are doing whatever you may be doing creates a harmonious marriage.
14. When you get old, arranged marriages are better!
The arranged marriage system creates a sense of dependency among the children and the family members on both sides.
The system ensures that parents are taken care of when they are old. Just remember that all of us eventually get old and we may need our children as well as other relatives down the line.
Advantages of arranged marriage: Expert’s opinions
Here are some quotes from experts that beautifully bring out the advantages of arranged marriage.
15. In arranged marriages, love comes after marriage
Our matriarchs had an interesting advantage over today’s western women. Matriarchs didn’t begin their marriage with love. Instead, they were taught how to love. They entered marriage with an earnest determination to grow a love that would sustain their marriage for a lifetime. Michael Ben Zehabe.
16. After all, all marriages are arranged marriages
The people we end up married to or partnered up with end up being similar to us in race, religion, class, and age, which means that they might not be all that different from the person that your mother would have picked for you. Michael J. Rosenfeld.
17. An arranged marriage is a planned love life
The idea is we must not leave our love lives to chance. We plan our education, our careers and our finances but we’re still uncomfortable with the idea that we should plan our love lives. I do not advocate arranged marriages but I think a lot can be learned from them. Dr Robert Epstein.
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